(warning: there will be some salty language in this post)
I have a weakness, my kryptonite, if you indulge me to think of myself as Superman for a bit. I HATE ANTS.
One crawling on my foot after I have been walking outside barefoot on the grass. I can deal. I remain calm. Also, I am ok if ants are marching two by two in a line in orderly fashion.
If they are clumped up, wiggling in a massive ball or there are 50 or more. Fuck that, I'm outta here. Just thinking about it makes me shudder.
We came back home from vacation to an ANTAPOCALYPSE! They have taking over. It's like they found out we left and decided to throw a fucking rave or squatting. I can't decide which but I am leaning towards a rave because they are enjoying every minute of my ongoing torture and fear of ants. Also, want to hear the worst of it? They are fast moving zombie ants! They RUN! I am not shitting you. They are fast like the zombies in the 2004 Dawn of the Dead. Fast ants. That crawl all over each other. OH MY GOD WHO HAS EVER HEARD OF RUNNING ANTS!
That was me fainting at the very thought of running ants.
In my kitchen, in my living room, in my dining room. The only place they haven't totally commandeered is my bedroom. No joke, if they do I am putting the house up for sale.
Here's the kicker... during the ongoing ANTAPOCALYPSE of 2011. Rich has taken no mercy...
That's right, I'm going to shame him right here on this site. He won't let me be scared of the ants. He won't be a chivalrous husband and say, 'Hey honey, it's ok. I'll take care of it.' Nope, no way, no how.
He won't clean up the dead mass of ants in our living room right by the stereo. I can't even walk by there without quietly moaning. I bribed my kids MONEY to clean it up. Even that was a no go.
Rich was all like, 'You bribed the kids?'
'Damn straight I bribed the kids. And what happened to our promise that you will always take care of me? This is part if that deal. Ants are part of the deal. Do you hear me? ANT ARE PART OF THE DEAL!' At this point I am hysterical.
'No Krysta, they are not.' Rich is calmly trying to talk me down down from the ledge which simultaneously pisses me off and makes me even more hysterical. Only husbands can do that... well, kids too but that's a topic for another day.
"Well, I want to add an amendment to our deal. Ant killing, ant clean up, ant detail is up to you now or I quit' Moving closer to the ledge, hasn't he learned that you can't reason with crazy?
'Call Orkin tomorrow.'
Damn straight we are calling Orkin. A crazy hysterical woman with a can of Raid in her hands and threatening divorce will win every. single. time.
chickpeas in spicy tomato gravy (masaledar cholay): food & wine march 2011
* i had jalapenos on steroids (super spicy) so test yours out before you cook with them and adjust accordingly to your comfort level of spiciness.
serve with yogurt, naan, and jasmine rice
8 garlic cloves, chopped
2 jalapenos, chopped
One 2-inch piece of fresh ginger, peeled and chopped
1/4 cup vegetable oil
3 onions, cut into 1/4-inch dice
2 tablespoons ground cumin
1 tablespoon ground coriander
3/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 1/2 cups canned crushed tomatoes
two 15-ounce cans chickpeas, drained and rinsed (i prefer progresso)
2 cups water
2 tablespoons cilantro leaves
In a mini food processor, combine the garlic, jalapeños and ginger and process to a paste. In a large nonstick skillet, heat the oil. Add the onions and cook over moderately high heat until sizzling, about 3 minutes. Reduce the heat to moderate and cook, stirring occasionally, until the onions are browned, about 7 minutes. Add the garlic paste and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 2 minutes. Add the cumin, coriander and cayenne and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Add the tomatoes and simmer over moderate heat until thickened, about 6 minutes. Add the chickpeas and water and simmer until the chickpeas are flavored with the gravy, about 8 minutes. Season the chickpeas with salt, garnish with the cilantro and serve.
Posted by krysta at 11:39 AM