chickpeas in spicy tomato gravy (masaledar cholay)

(warning: there will be some salty language in this post)

I have a weakness, my kryptonite, if you indulge me to think of myself as Superman for a bit. I HATE ANTS.


One crawling on my foot after I have been walking outside barefoot on the grass. I can deal. I remain calm. Also, I am ok if ants are marching two by two in a line in orderly fashion.

If they are clumped up, wiggling in a massive ball or there are 50 or more. Fuck that, I'm outta here. Just thinking about it makes me shudder.

We came back home from vacation to an ANTAPOCALYPSE! They have taking over. It's like they found out we left and decided to throw a fucking rave or squatting. I can't decide which but I am leaning towards a rave because they are enjoying every minute of my ongoing torture and fear of ants. Also, want to hear the worst of it? They are fast moving zombie ants! They RUN! I am not shitting you. They are fast like the zombies in the 2004 Dawn of the Dead. Fast ants. That crawl all over each other. OH MY GOD WHO HAS EVER HEARD OF RUNNING ANTS!


That was me fainting at the very thought of running ants.

In my kitchen, in my living room, in my dining room. The only place they haven't totally commandeered is my bedroom. No joke, if they do I am putting the house up for sale.

Here's the kicker... during the ongoing ANTAPOCALYPSE of 2011. Rich has taken no mercy...

on me.

That's right, I'm going to shame him right here on this site. He won't let me be scared of the ants. He won't be a chivalrous husband and say, 'Hey honey, it's ok. I'll take care of it.' Nope, no way, no how.

He won't clean up the dead mass of ants in our living room right by the stereo. I can't even walk by there without quietly moaning. I bribed my kids MONEY to clean it up. Even that was a no go.

Rich was all like, 'You bribed the kids?'

'Damn straight I bribed the kids. And what happened to our promise that you will always take care of me? This is part if that deal. Ants are part of the deal. Do you hear me? ANT ARE PART OF THE DEAL!' At this point I am hysterical.

'No Krysta, they are not.' Rich is calmly trying to talk me down down from the ledge which simultaneously  pisses me off and makes me even more hysterical. Only husbands can do that... well, kids too but that's a topic for another day.

"Well, I want to add an amendment to our deal. Ant killing, ant clean up, ant detail is up to you now or I quit' Moving closer to the ledge, hasn't he learned that you can't reason with crazy?

'Call Orkin tomorrow.'

Damn straight we are calling Orkin. A crazy hysterical woman with a can of Raid in her hands and threatening divorce will win every. single. time.

chickpeas in spicy tomato gravy (masaledar cholay): food & wine march 2011

* i had jalapenos on steroids (super spicy) so test yours out before you cook with them and adjust accordingly to your comfort level of spiciness.

serve with yogurt, naan, and jasmine rice

8 garlic cloves, chopped
2 jalapenos, chopped
One 2-inch piece of fresh ginger, peeled and chopped
1/4 cup vegetable oil
3 onions, cut into 1/4-inch dice
2 tablespoons ground cumin
1 tablespoon ground coriander
3/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 1/2 cups canned crushed tomatoes
two 15-ounce cans chickpeas, drained and rinsed (i prefer progresso)
2 cups water
2 tablespoons cilantro leaves

In a mini food processor, combine the garlic, jalapeƱos and ginger and process to a paste. In a large nonstick skillet, heat the oil. Add the onions and cook over moderately high heat until sizzling, about 3 minutes. Reduce the heat to moderate and cook, stirring occasionally, until the onions are browned, about 7 minutes. Add the garlic paste and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 2 minutes. Add the cumin, coriander and cayenne and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Add the tomatoes and simmer over moderate heat until thickened, about 6 minutes. Add the chickpeas and water and simmer until the chickpeas are flavored with the gravy, about 8 minutes. Season the chickpeas with salt, garnish with the cilantro and serve.


SaintTigerlily said...

Maybe you should watch that Bug Life movie? And then you will think ants are cuddly?

tamilyn said...

It is the man's job to kill the bugs. Pure and simple. And to bait the mouse trap and dispose of the body.

Amy said...

I'm like this with spiders (i know - how obvious...isn't everyone?) But it's true. I become completely irrational if a spider is in our house. And there is no such thing as a tiny spider to me. They are all huge. Huge and scary and out to get me.

Aunt Nancy said...

Tony called war against ants at our place earlier in the winter. Took about a month of spraying until they were gone. I felt so unclean finding them in my kitchen drawers under the liner! YEECH!

Leah said...

They're revolting, I agree. Last summer at our cottage we had a massive carpenter ant invasion, I was finding them everywhere. I would kill ten and three mintues later there would be ten more. Massive black ants. Some with wings. Climbing up my arm while I read a magazine in my favorite chair. All over the furniture, floor, and wall in every room. God, it was awful. My husband chooses to fix everything with raid, which didn't work for shit. Called the exterminator and they were gone in two days!! Yeah!!

Mandy said...

I never mind the "salty language!"