the roller coaster of cancer

Right then.

Hello Everybody! Welcome to the Roller Coaster of Cancer! This ride contains highs, lows, swift turns and sudden dips. Please switch off your electronic devices (especially cell phones), make sure your seat is in an upright position, and no smoking on this ride. Keep your hands and feet in the vehicle at all times. Once you are on this ride there is no getting off. Good luck and remember to have fun damnit!

Oh black humor, how I miss you. I've tried to suppress you for way too long. That was my bad. So to hell with it I'm going to let you back into my life with open loving arms.

Where to begin? I guess from the start would suffice. Some time ago, two things happened:

1.) I got it into my head no one would want to read about the bad stuff so I would just write about the happy smiley stuff.

2.) I never knew who was reading so maybe it would be best if I censored my writing.

Little did I know that those two things gave me mental constipation that no amount of Ex-Lax could take care of. So screw it. I am not going to go into too much because I really haven't asked permission to tell these stories but I want to let you know where I am at, mentally, at least.

In last few months both my step father and father-in-law have both been diagnosed with cancer. I would say colon cancer but for one of them we are not sure if it's colon or rectum cancer.

Can you imagine it, having asshole cancer? It's a great conversation starter.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine except for the asshole cancer!"

"You mean cancer is an asshole?"

"No, I mean I have asshole cancer! It is an asshole but it is also located in the asshole. Therefore I have asshole cancer!"

Cancer that can be used as a verb and a noun!

And the other was diagnosed with colon cancer but it is terminal. That's pretty much a conversation killer if there ever was one.

One diagnosis was undramatic and the other was full of drama worthy of an Oscar. Trust me it's not the one you think.

In other words, one person (on one side of the family) needs to be told to "Time to nut up or shut up." because the hysterics are not going to help because I have a feeling that maybe someone might need to blow off some steam and it will be directed at hysterical family member #1. I'm thinking the hospital staff doesn't want a live showing of The Jerry Springer Show in the waiting room... though if we included some little people and some security men in all black, it could be well worth it.

Let's add to this little cancer cocktail party another family member who had a stroke on Christmas Day which screwed with her vision, the one-two knockout punch of sick kids and there you have it...

Suffice it to say that the next few weeks posting will be sporadic. Like it hasn't been already.


Phoo-D said...

Oh Krysta- when it rains it pours. Totally awful. We're all here for the good and the bad, so don't worry about sugar coating everything. Sending you a big virtual hug and a brownie. Hang in there.

me again said...

Krysta, words never fail me. But I'm at a loss on what to say except "I'm sorry" and "What a load of crap to deal with". I remember my FIL's cancer diagnosis like it was yesterday, even though it was 1982. That was pancreatic cancer and he wasn't supposed to live much longer, but he did, making it all the way to late 1989.
Hang in there and the only advice I have is to NEVER EVER lose your sense of humour. You need it now and guess what? Everyone else around you needs it too :-)

SaintTigerlily said...

As usual, I don't know what to say when it comes to unfair, out of the blue, horrible sickness.

I'm sorry this is happening to you and to the people you care about.

It isn't fair.

tamilyn said...

I'm sorry that your family is going through this. Humor helps. We make jokes about my hubby's dad who is dealing with cancer too. Sometimes you need to laugh to vent and blow off steam.

Jerry Springer, eh? Yeah sometimes I expect them to show up at Christmas and film us.....

Anonymous said...

i hate it when life sucks like that. i am so sorry for all that has been happening with your family. sometimes you have to vent and sometimes you have laugh. i'm glad that you did.
i offer you my sincere prayers

Kristin said...

I'm so sorry. Dump all of the crappy stuff here. We can read it or skip it, & if it helps you...great!

very culinary said...

GACK. *!#@^ - well, writing can be therapeutic. Your loyal followers will laugh and cry along with you. It's called LIFE.

Cali ʚϊɞ said...

oh mama... i'm so sorry. you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
hate that you have to deal with this <3

eglentyne said...

Hang in there Krysta! I'm sending a virtual double-dark chocolate cookie in honor of necessary double-dark humor. xo

BugginWord said...

Ugh. Cancer.

Laughter is important, for all involved. Keep them both laughing any way you can. You either laugh or you cry, and only one of those things leaves you feeling like Lindsay Lohan on a Sunday morning.

Eva said...

i like the not-so-sunshine-and-flowers blogs better. people who are cheery like that are kinda creepy. i've had issues with that too because who wants to read a blog about how angry and pissed off and bitter i am. sorry to hear about the cancer, don't really know what else to say about that.

Jenny Saunders said...

You know this is YOUR blog and you can use it as a vehicle in anyway you want. You make the rules, in case you forgot. LOL I am sorry that you felt that the word cancer or the topic of it would be a bummer for your followers to read. Oh well, it's real, it's out there and we have to face it. You just never know who you may be helping out there while you write about your journey, your frustrations, your coping mechanisms but more importantly YOU need a place to say what you need to say, dammit!
If someone has a problem with your 'cancer content' (albeit temporary), they certain can click over somewhere else or perhaps it's hitting a nerve that they are trying to muster up the courage to deal with and they will come around because you can only run and hide for so long.

So Krysta, welcome back, be yourself, say what you need to say....we're reading, we're following and behind you 100%!


Diane said...

You know, I've begun to do that when I'm sick (again), fearing that people tune in to see the happy smiling AG. I really short change myself by not acknowledging the whole person and the whole life I'm living. It's one thing to put a blog filter on your life, it's a whole 'nother thing to deny part of your life!
Welcome Krysta. I'm sorry your life blows right now. It will get better. It always does.
Let me know if there's anything I can do for you. I'll blog for ya if that would help.

pam said...

You know...we're here for the good and the bad.

TexasDeb said...

Lurked without commenting for the longest time but simply wanted to say girlfriend, puhleeze.

You write. We read. No filters needed. It is you we visit for and you we come back to see. That it all.

Warner (aka ntsc) said...

What Texas Deb said above, you write we read.

My FIL was diagnosed with colon cancer in his early 80s and not given a good prognosis. He only lived until 94 so they were probably right.

But Jerry Springer isn't good, although the hospital has probably seen worse.

Donalyn said...

Gah - so sorry you and your family is going through this. And your blog is the perfect place to let off steam - we can always duck if it gets too bad :)

My grandfather had asshole cancer and was, himself, an asshole - talk about confusion!

Kristin @ Going Country said...

Oh shit. I'm a little late with my condolences, but really, my condolences. Sending positive thoughts winging your way from the east . . .