hi, i'm krysta and welcome to my blog... evil chef mom. if you want to know how i came up with such a ridiculous name for a blog click here. anyways... this is a sometimes blog. sometimes it's about food, sometimes it's about crazy ludicrous things that seem to only happen to me, sometimes it's about family. i post about whatever pops into my addled wacked out adhd brain [oh hey! look it's a squirrel!]. if you want to join the crazy train... hop aboard and keep reading. don't say i never warned you!
Whosever room this is should be ashamed! His underwear is hanging on the lamp. His raincoat is there in the overstuffed chair, And the chair is becoming quite mucky and damp. His workbook is wedged in the window, His sweater's been thrown on the floor. His scarf and one ski are beneath the TV, And his pants have been carelessly hung on the door. His books are all jammed in the closet, His vest has been left in the hall. A lizard named Ed is asleep in his bed, And his smelly old sock has been stuck to the wall. Whosever room this is should be ashamed! Donald or Robert or Willie or-- Huh? You say it's mine? Oh, dear, I knew it looked familiar!
Well I am here to sat I made an ass out of just myself, thank you very much but what else is new? Let me explain...
I have had the Chez Panisse Fruit Cookbook by Alice Waters since it came out in 2002. I think I have cracked it open once or twice since I received it. The spine still pops like a brand new book. So yeah, I admit I'm a bad foodie, gourmet, whatever you want to call me. While I like what Alice Waters stands for... fresh, local food cooked well. Yada, Yada, Yada... you know the drill but Alice Waters seemed and let me add still seems in interviews sometimes to be a little fussbudgety, somewhat high maintenance, and a little out of touch with working families which if you know anything about me I don't have the patience for, let alone cook from a book that preaches it.
BUT with that being said the world needs idealists and once you get past that and stop ASSUMING (cough- cough... me) it's a good book with some pitch perfect recipes.
nectarine blackberry crisp: adapted from chez panisse fruit by alice waters
serves 6-8
5 ripe nectarines, peeled, pitted, and cut into 1-inch cubes 1 cup blackberries 1/4 cup sugar 3 tablespoons unbleached all-purpose flour zest of one lemon. chopped fine 1 tablespoon Grand Marnier 3 cups crisp topping
crisp topping
1 1/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour 6 tablespoons brown sugar, firmly packed 2 tablespoons sugar 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 ground cinnamon 2/3 cup ground pecans (i didn't have any so i omitted them, i can imagine it would be great in this dish) a tiny bit of freshly grated nutmeg 12 tablespoons unsalted butter, chilled
Stir together the flour, brown sugar, sugar, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, and pecans in a mixing bowl. Cut the butter into small pieces and work into the flour mixture with your fingers or an electric mixer, mixing until the topping starts to come together and has a crumbly but not sandy texture. The topping can be made ahead and refrigerated for a week or so or frozen for several weeks. Makes about 3 cups; enough for 1 crisp.
for the crisp:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a medium sized mixing bowl, toss together the nectarines, blackberries, sugar and flour. Add the lemon zest and Grand Marnier and mix briefly. Transfer to an oven proof earthenware dish (8x8 seemed to work for me) just big enough to hold the fruit slightly mounded at the center. Cover the fruit evenly with the crisp topping, pressing down lightly to form a crust and leaving no fruit exposed. Put the dish on a baking sheet to catch any overflowing juices. Place on the center rack in the oven and back for 50-60 minutes, rotating the dish once after 30 minutes for even coloring. When the crust is deep golden brown and the juices have begun to bubble up the sides, remove crisp from the oven and allow to cool slightly.
In the never ending soap opera of the house comes the final episode.
-shaking my fist at the you tube gods.... where is the Jefferson's theme song when I desperately need it? This does nothing for my comic writing abilities or prop writing comedy, I'm not sure which one yet. Maybe I can be the Carrot Top of the blogging world. anyways...shenanigans, you tube, shenanigans!-
So the fat cats, i.e. the banks, got together had some martinis, then bathed each other in milk and honey, did some crazy wicken sage burning thingy, then made a cut into their palms... mixed some of their blood with a little of their own spit and became blood brothers fo' life ('cause that's how we do it in Stockton) and then they had a rowdy bacchanalia with some Vestal Virgins. Really after that I didn't want to know but somewhere in all that partying they declared from the mount...
"We are done toying with the heartstrings of those itsy-bitsy peons. Let the Guerrero's have their house."
for they spoke, and it was done; they commanded, and it stood fast
translation: papers are signed, title company has our money, keys will be in our hands Friday.
Well we're movin on up, To the east side. To a deluxe apartment in the sky. Movin on up, To the east side. We finally got a piece of the pie. Fish don't fry in the kitchen; Beans don't burn on the grill. Took a whole lotta tryin', Just to get up that hill. Now we're up in the big leagues, Gettin' our turn at bat. As long as we live, it's you and me baby, There ain't nothin wrong with that. Well we're movin on up, To the east side. To a deluxe apartment in the sky. Movin on up, To the east side. We finally got a piece of the pie
So here's a piece of the pie.
My mom made this dessert a few weeks ago with Nancy, normally you freeze this lemon fluff in ramekins but I bought a graham cracker crust poured the mixture into the crust and froze. Viola!
Lemon Icebox Pie
3 c. whipping cream (1-1/2 pints) do NOT use half and half ½ c. lemon juice 1-1/4 c. sugar 3 tablespoons lemon zest Whipping cream and/or garnish, if desired 1 store bought graham cracker crust (don't hate, remember I come from Stockton)
In large bowl, mix bream lemon juice, sugar and lemon peel until blended. Pour into 8 small dishes that can be placed in the freezer or pour into a graham cracker crust. Cover, and freeze overnight. Serve frozen, do not thaw.
My mom's note: "I stress the do not use half and half – it comes out icy and flaky!"
Tasting Notes: I love this pie because I'm one of those lemon people. You are friends with some of them. You cannot understand why they do not care for chocolate. It seems unreal that they even exist but we do and in great numbers. BE AFRAID, we are going to take over the world. It's tart, sweet, refreshing (I know it's overused but still) and you don't have to cook it. Kind of like me.
alternative title: This could be a John Hughes Movie with a Killer Soundtrack!
Did anybody notice the new banner? Yeah, well ignore that for a second. I thought I would be clever and sly when I put that up that maybe someone would catch the significance...
Until yesterday when the bank giving us our loan said they want to re-appraise the house. They think the house is worth less than what it was appraised for. From now on let us compare all banks to any and all douchey/slimy James Spadercharacters. Agreed?
When I was told were the words out of my mouth...
A. You have to be fucking kidding me. B. Oh Shit! C. Ugh.
If you said all three, you would be right. We had dates. We told our landlord and had friends all lined up to help us move.
We were going to go all the way with this house. I had bought a sexy little bra and matching underwear from Victoria's Secret... I waxed, Damn it! Only to have to take a cold shower. *le sigh*
This is where your knowledge of any and all 80's John Hughes movies will come into play.
We had watched it afar (think Samantha Baker and Jake Ryanwith a little Lisa thrown in) we passed it notes... we flirted and fretted. (think about a combo of Cameron Fry/Keith Nelson/Amanda Jones) We went on a few dates. We went to second base. We made out hot and heavy in the car (you know it was some awesome 80's convertible!) We even let it have a pair of our underwear! We thought we slipped the sweaty grasp of Rooney. But all we got in return was a never ending trip to Wally World... without Christie Brinkley. And really all I want to be is Home Alone or maybe have Uncle Buckto show up. At this point I don't care as long as Jake comes over and brings me a cake. I have a lovely cake stand to put it on.
peach frozen yogurt: the perfect scoop by david lebovitz
1 1/2 pound ripe peaches (about 5 large peaches) 1/2 cup water 3/4 cup sugar 1 cup plain whole milk yogurt (trader joe's european whole milk yogurt is especially tasty and delicious) a few drops freshly squeezed lemon juice (i add a tiny bit of freshly grated nutmeg before putting the mixture into the ice cream maker)
Peel the peaches, slice them in half and remove the pits. Cut peaches into chunks and cook them in water in a medium nonreactive saucepan over medium heat, covered, stirring occasionally, until soft and cooked through, about ten minutes. Remove from heat. Stir in sugar and chill in the refrigerator.
When peaches are cool, puree them in a food processor or blender with the yogurt until almost smooth. You want some chunkage! Mix in a few drops of lemon juice. Freeze the mixture in your ice cream maker according to the manufacturer's instructions.
I serve mine with a honey drizzled on top, sprinkled with mint and more sliced peaches.
and since it wouldn't be a good 80's movie with out some music. I think some Smith's would be in order. Songs that would give this post meaning and teenage angst like...
How Soon is Now? What Difference Does it Make Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want Back To The Old House Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now
Here's the problem with having kids. First, to even find out if you are having one of those little buggers you have to either a. pee in a cup or b. on a stick... which is especially gross if you have bad aim. Not like I am saying I have bad aim or anything but I did have four kids, you do the math. Then you have to get regular under the hood maintenance checks like you are under factory warranty or something. Okay then there is the weight gain, people touching you or better yet... questioning whatever meticulously laid plans you have in place. Plans that you hope won't scar your kids for life or at the very least won't give them huge psychiatrist bills. Then somewhere along the line pain is involved sometimes for hours, maybe even days...someone might hand you some great drugs (that are legal!!! woot! woot!) at some point during this pain but you aren't able to enjoy them. Then the kid comes and it smells good for a couple months then even that wears off eventually. Pretty soon they learn how to crawl-walk-run which at some point gives you little jolts of panic. Some even learn how to eat snails off the sidewalk when you turn your back for one second. Then they learn how to talk back, ask questions, spell and the worst thing ever...read!
"Oh no you didn't just go there."
Oh yes I did.
My kids are all readers. Which right now makes moving a pain. I cannot even begin to tell you the about the book dilemma. How to move them, what to pack, what NOT to pack, and better yet how to pack them.
And quite honestly I wish they'd stop reading my cookbooks because lately all I have been hearing is a cookbook crack open and a few minutes later I hear footsteps running toward my general direction with whomever breathlessly yelling, "MOM! YOU NEED TO MAKE THIS NOW!!! PLEASE!!!" Like they will die of hunger on the spot if I don't make whatever recipe it is that they presented me with. This is one of those dishes.
This is more of a relish. In the Urban Italian cookbook, chef Andrew Carmellini suggests serving it with grilled bread. Nancy disagreed and demanded this for dinner served over pasta.
caponata modo mio: from the urban italian cookbook
serves 8
1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil 1 medium red onion, diced large 1 red pepper, diced large 1 yellow pepper, diced large 2 japanese eggplants or 1 italian eggplant, diced large (i prefer japanese) 3 stalks of celery, diced large 2 small zucchini, diced large 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon black pepper 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes 2 cloves of garlic, sliced thin (at this point of the recipe it calls for 1/2 white raisins rehydrated in 1 cup water... umm no. that should be against some sort of culinary law... but whatever) 1 cup basic tomato sauce(right here, i broke the law. it calls for using a recipe out of his book but i opened a can of tomato sauce added some olive oil, basil and garlic and called it good.) 2 tablespoons fresh oregano leaves(oops didn't have any... used thyme) 1/4 cup red wine vinegar 1/2 cup pine nuts, toasted and roughly chopped
Heat olive oil in a large saucepot over high heat. Add the onion, peppers, and eggplant. When the vegetables have softened a bit (about 5 minutes), add the celery and zucchini. Season liberally with half the salt and pepper. Mix the ingredients together and continue to cook.
After ten 10 minutes, add the red pepper flakes and garlic. Cover and reduce the heat to medium, and let the steam roast the vegetables for 5 minutes.
Right here you are suppose to add the rehydrate raisins without the water but ewwww. Also add the tomato sauce. Reduce the heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes, until vegetables are soft but not falling apart and the sauce is well incorporated.
Remove the saucepot from the heat, Add the fresh oregano and season with remaining salt and pepper. Mix in vinegar. Serve in a large bowl with pine nuts sprinkled on top.
I served mine over pasta with a little parmesan cheese sprinkled on top instead.
You can serve this hot, cold, or room temperature.
After the last ten days or so I am desperately craving something fun, something whimsical, anything that will make me smile.
Let's do something fun, damn it!
There is nothing like being forced to have fun, is there?
s'more ice cream sandwiches or ice cream
marshmallow ice cream: makes 2 quarts
4 cups of heavy cream 40 large marshmallows 2 teaspoons vanilla
Heat 2 cups of heavy cream and marshmallows until marshmallows are melted. Take off heat and cool. Add vanilla and cream and stir well. Chill mixture. Freeze the mixture in an ice cream maker according to the manufacturer's instructions.
chocolate for dipping:
6 oz. of bittersweet or semi sweet chocolate, chopped 6 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into pieces 1 1/2 tablespoons of light corn syrup
Melt the chocolate, butter, and corn syrup in a double boiler. Remove from heat and let cool.
and of course you need fresh graham crackers that goes without saying!
To assemble: You're killing me Smalls! These are s'more's stuff! Alrite now pay attention. First you take the graham, you stick the chocolate on the graham. Then you roast the 'mallow. When the 'mallows flaming... you stick it on the chocolate. Then cover with the other end. Then you scarf. Kind of messy, but good! (quote from The Sandlot)
Okay, not really but you get the idea. Place a cookie sheet or plate into your freezer. Then you break honey graham crackers in half and set aside. Then you take your ice cream spoon it onto one of the grahams. Then you place the other graham on top and smoosh it together. Dip the s'more in the chocolate and run as fast as you can wearing your PF Flyers, of course, and place the s'more into the freezer. Repeat until you have as many s'mores as you need.
...or you can can crush the graham crackers like you're Babe Ruth hitting a baseball and mix the graham crackers and some chocolate chips into the ice cream and the very end of its freezing time in the ice cream maker. It's only ice cream... add as much or as little as YOU want.
Tasting Notes: I even had one and it's a well known fact I don't care for ice cream! If you are wondering, the graham crackers didn't get soggy sitting in the freezer either.
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. ~Jennifer Yane
It's been a roller coaster ride of emotions (great, not so great, and even surreal) the last 10 or so days at the ECM household. So much so, it has left me drained and for once wordless. If I even try to write everything to give it some narrative, it sounds trite and insignificant which is what I should do to make it loosen the grip that it has on me. But instead I walk around letting all this stress envelope me in a shroud of panic, nervousness, fear, and worst of all... helplessness. Not a great state of mind, to say the least.
If you see a lady walking around claiming to be Krysta Guerrero, she'll show you a California Drivers License and a Social Security card, please exclaim loudly, "I know Krysta Guerrero, and you Ma'am are not her!" then sucker punch her and take her 5 iPhones and whatever else she has bought in my name and run like hell. I will be eternally grateful.
P.S. You know what the kicker is about this whole thing? Her phone plan is a shit load better than the one I currently have with the same provider!!! WTH?
A surreal P.P.S. My neighbor asked me if I knew that I looked like Sarah Palin. I told him that before I moved the sous chefs and I were going to egg/tp his house for asking me that.
