leftovers... sf, ca

Inner peace is the key: if you have inner peace, the external problems do not affect your deep sense of peace and tranquility. In that state of mind you can deal with situations with calmness and reason, while keeping your inner happiness. That is very important. Without this inner peace, no matter how comfortable your life is materially, you may still be worried, disturbed or unhappy because of circumstances.

Dahli Lama

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The Cellist
3.18.2009
Golden Gate Park

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Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.

Unknown



When people hear good music, it makes them homesick for something they never had, and never will have.

Edgar Watson Howe



Music is love in search of a word.

Sidonie Gabrielle

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San Francisco's Dutch Windmill

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roasted banana ice cream with walnut praline and toasted coconut

I have a secret to share with you. It's more like a confession. I feel like I've mislead you especially since I've posted multiple recipes on this one particular food group. Come in close, closer...I really don't want this to spread around the Internet but I really don't care for ice cream. I can think of twenty other things I'd rather eat than ice cream. Let me repeat that... I really don't care for ice cream but I love making ice cream. The work is relatively easy and the payoff is huge. I get smiles every time I say I'm making ice cream. All I know is that ice cream is magic and a fun way to bring out your inner mad scientist.

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There they were sitting on the counter. Bananas. Spotty almost completely brown... four of them muttering, "What?!!! We ain't good enough for you?" I was a little taken aback. There are never bananas left on the counter, I didn't know they could even talk. But there they were ripe with possibilities (ba dum dum dum). I thought maybe I could make some banana bread, banana pancakes, or some type of cookie. Before I could even get out the measuring cups, Katie came up with the idea she was going to make roasted banana ice cream and was that okay with me. What's a mom to do but say yes even with her hopes of banana bread dashed? I said okay but what about some walnut praline and some toasted coconut for toppings? She agreed.

Even I couldn't resist a couple spoonfuls...

Roasted Banana Ice Cream with Walnut Praline and Toasted Coconut: (adapted from The Perfect Scoop)

makes about 1 quart....(Katie has come to the conclusion that this recipe needs to be doubled)

3 medium-sized ripe banana, peeled
1/3 cup of dark brown sugar
1 tablespoon butter, cut into small pieces
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
2 tablespoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract
1 1/2 teaspoons of freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon coarse salt

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Slice the bananas into 1/2 inch pieces and toss them with brown sugar and butter in a 2 quart baking dish. Bake for 40 minutes, stirring just once during baking, until the bananas are browned and cooked through.

Scrape the bananas and the thick syrup in the baking dish into a blender or food processor. Add the cream, sugar, vanilla, lemon juice, and salt, and puree until smooth.

Chill the mixture thoroughly in the refrigerator, then freeze it in your ice cream maker according to the manufacturer's instructions.



Walnut Praline:

1/4 cup water
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup whole walnuts
1/8 teaspoon coarse salt

Mix the water, sugar, and walnuts in a large, heavy-duty skillet. Put the pan over medium to high heat and cook, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon, until the sugar dissolves and the liquid boils.

Lower the heat to medium and continue cooking and stirring for just a few minutes, until crystallizes and becomes sandy. Very soon the crystals of sugar on the bottom of the pan will liquefy. Stir the dark syrup at the bottom of the pan over the nuts to coat them. Continue to stir the nuts and scrape the syrup over them until the walnuts are glazed and become a bit glossy and shiny. Remove the pan from the heat and sprinkle the walnuts with the salt. Tip them onto an ungreased baking sheet and allow them to cool completely. As they cool, break up any clusters that are stuck together.

Toasted Coconut:

sweetened shredded coconut

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place however much shredded coconut you need onto a cookie sheet in an even layer. Place coconut into the oven and stir every so often until the coconut is lightly brown and crunchy.

How We Served This Ice Cream: We didn't let the praline cool all the way down. We spooned the praline warm, with the syrup on top of the ice cream and sprinkled toasted coconut over the praline.

strawberry-sour cream-brown sugar ice cream

"let me have my own way in exactly everything and a sunnier and pleasanter creature does not exist..."

thomas carlyle

This quote is so apt when it comes to my family and ice cream. Everyone become a sunnier and pleasanter person. If only for a minute or two.


strawberry-sour cream-brown sugar-ice cream: (adapted from The Perfect Scoop by David Lebovitz)

makes about 1 1/4 quarts

(The best thing about this ice cream is how easy it is to make but the complexity of flavors.)

1 pound fresh strawberries, rinsed and hulled
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon vodka
1 cup sour cream
1 cup heavy cream
1/2 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice

Slice the strawberries and toss the in a bowl with sugar and vodka, stirring until the sugar begins to dissolve. Cover and let stand at room temperature for 1 hour, stirring every so often.

Pulse the strawberries and their liquid with the sour cream, heavy cream, and lemon juice in a blender or food processor until almost smooth but still slightly chunky.

Refrigerate for 1 hour, then freeze in your ice cream maker according to the manufacturer's instructions.



Tasting Notes: Tangy and sweet. The brown sugar gives it a depth of flavor that regular sugar can't do. If you never have had whole strawberries dipped in sour cream and brown sugar, try it. Then make the ice cream it tastes exactly the same.

cheesecake gone wrong part deux

Okay... so let's recap.

I hate ricotta, I think that was made abundantly clear in the last post. I also thought this dish was going to be the dish to change my mind about ricotta. Cheesecake, biscotti crust and candied lemons, what's not to like.

But... I found out during the middle of baking the cheesecake that ricotta cheesecake is a tricky beast and it requires lots of baking time on very low heat. Maybe not the best cheesecake to start off with. Thanks, Rebecca for your help.

Oh yeah, I didn't tell you, I never made cheesecake before. So, first I don't like ricotta and second, I have never made a cheesecake. Maybe I was setting myself up for failure. Yes and No, Katie and I didn't like the cheesecake, texture issues, but everyone else did. But I ended up throwing over half of it away soooooo, you come up with whatever conclusion you want to. I do not think it's necessarily a bad recipe but just not for me.

Ricotta Cheesecake with Biscotti Crust and Candied Lemons: Urban Italian

Candied Lemons:

3 lemons
7 cups sugar

Biscotti Crust:

18 of Mom's biscotti or store bought biscotti
3/4 sugar
1 stick butter, melted

Cheesecake:

2 1/2 cups ricotta cheese
3/4 cups sugar
3 eggs
4 tablespoons heavy cream
zest of 2 lemons

To finish dish:

1 cup of shelled pistachios

(note: I want to interject something right here... The book never says what size tart pan to use, to drain the ricotta, or maybe add flour to thicken up the cheesecake mixture, it's quite runny. Also for all y'all that said in the last post to make sure that I blend the batter long and hard. I did... the recipe calls for only two minutes I did blended for about 12 minutes before I thought I'd have a scrambled egg, cheese, and whipped cream mixture instead of a cheesecake batter and wouldn't that be tasty!)

For candied lemons:

Put whole lemons in the freezer for 30 minutes. This will allow you to slice them extra-thin.

Meanwhile, add 3 cups of sugar to 4 cups of water in a small pot over high heat. Stir well so the sugar dissolves, and allow the mixture to come to a boil.

While the sugar boils, use a serrated knife to slice the lemons widthwise into the thinnest slices possible: 1/8 inch or less.

Add the lemon slices to the pot and reduce the heat to keep the liquids at a low simmer. Cook the lemons until they are softened but not falling apart, about 15 minutes.

Remove the pot from the heat and allow the mixture to cool at room temperature for 15 minutes, so that it can be handled.

Carefully strain the mixture, discarding the liquid and reserving the lemon slices.

Add the remaining 4 cups of sugar to 4 cups of water in a small pot over high heat. Stir well so the sugar dissolves, and then allow the mixture to come to a boil.

Add lemon slices, reduce the heat to a low simmer, and continue cooking until the lemons are shiny and the syrup thickens, about 35 minutes.

Remove pot from heat and let mixture cool completely at room temperature. Place the lemon slices and the syrup in an air tight container and refrigerate for at least 8 hours.

Biscotti Crust:

Preheat oven to 350.

In a food processor, grind the biscotti into fine crumbs. (about 2 cups)

In a medium mixing bowl, combine the biscotti crumbs, sugar, and melted butter. Mix the ingredients together with your hands until everything is thoroughly incorporated and the mixture holds it's shape when pressed together.

Line a tart pan with the crust mixture, spreading it with your fingers and pressing down so the mixture forms a thin layer around the entire pan.

Bake the crust mixture until it turns golden brown and dry, about 10 minutes. Remove it from the oven and set it aside to cool at room temperature.

Cheesecake:

Return the oven to 325.

Combine the ricotta cheese, sugar, eggs, heavy cream, and lemon zest in a food processor with a blade attachment, and mix on medium until everything is thoroughly combined, about 2 minutes.

Fill the crust completely with the cheesecake mixture. Return the tin to the oven and bake until a knife inserted in the cake comes out clean, about 20 to 25 minutes. Turn the cheesecake out onto a plate or a cookie rack and allow it to cool completely on the countertop. When the cheesecake is completely cool, refrigerate it for 2 hours. It will hole in the fridge up to 2 days.

When your ready to serve the cheesecake, remove the candied lemons from the fridge, if you're using them, and drain off any excess syrup. Garnish the top of the cheescake with candied slices, starting from the outside and working to the center.

Sprinkle the crushed pistachios over the top before serving.

Tasting Notes: You already know my opinion but I think if you like ricotta cheesecake or ricotta in general you'll probably like this. The baking time is tricky. It took about an hour to bake (the filling still wasn't set) I then turned off the heat and let it rest in the oven for another 30 or so minutes. I really don't know what to tell you about the timing of this dish, sorry.

Next up: A tasty melody of deliciousness.

happy birthday catherine!

Dear Catherine,

Happy Birthday! It's such a big deal to turn 18. I'm sure many people reading this can remember that day. I think this list bears repeating but for you I want to add a couple of extra rules...

Kiddo, It's okay to have fun, to stretch the rules... especially if you want to be a filmmaker. You gotta stretch out, explore, try new things, don't get wound up about the stupid stuff that you CANNOT change. Sometimes you are going to need to step outside of yourself, unclench (yes, I did say unclench... no one likes someone who sucks the fun out of room) and let go. The worst that anybody can do to you is never as bad as you think. (I qualify that with unless you fall in with a drug cartel and murder someone and then betray the drug cartel boss to the FBI then you are in a world of serious pain but if that happens with you, I'll be surprised.) After Northwestern or Cal or UCLA (whatever you choose Ms. Smartypants), the stress, bills, jobs, family and obligations will come fairly quickly and you don't want to wake up at forty wondering where your life went. It's not that it will be wasted per se but fun will be harder to come by because well... see the above sentence.

Enjoy your life, stop stressing over it. The stress will come soon enough.

With much love,

Krysta

1. Always forward, never retreat!
2. Never get into a car with a stranger, you go out fighting.
3. Never take pictures or video of you naked or having sex (unless you're a porn star). It will always get out into the real world, when you least expect it.
4. Never yell 'Help!' Always yell 'Fire!'
5. Trust your instincts, they are always correct.
6. The world is yours for the taking but it takes hard work.
7. Never date a man who you wouldn't be proud to call his son yours.
8. Always question everything.
9. It's always harder to do the right thing.
10. It's also harder to be kind, caring, patient, and generous.
11. Do the hard stuff. See rules 9&10.
12. Manners are the moisturizer of life.
13. If it smells like fish, then it's not good.
14. If somebody doesn't love you for who you are, then they are not worthy of your time or your heart.
15. There is nothing wrong for wanting to be a better person.
16. Never stop wanting to learn because the day that happens you are dead as a human being.

and 2 to grow on....

17. Don't over analyze everything. 95% of the time when you think people have a problem with you, it's actually because they have a problem with themselves or preoccupied with other things that have nothing to do with you. When you hear hoof beats think horses not zebras.

18. And always ask yourself this in times of stress...

If you died right now, would what ever is stressing you out at this moment actually be a problem?

Chances are no... so react accordingly.

next up.... cheesecake part deux.

cheesecake gone wrong/ biscotti

so speaking of crack's cousin... meet cheesecake gone wrong... so horribly, horrible wrong... run away, avert your eyes... i know you can't, it's like a train wreck.

This cheesecake started out innocently enough. I saw this Lemon Ricotta Cheesecake with Biscotti Crust and Candied Lemons in Urban Italian. I mean what's not to like? Biscotti, lemons, cheesecake. Check, check and check. Oh, that's right I don't like ricotta cheese.

But we'll get to that in a second.

Wait, no we won't. I want to talk about it now. Ricotta is Italian for lumpy cheese and when is lumpy good by the way? Lumpy ass? You don't want that. Lump in your Burt and Ernie's? Really Bad. And for you guys, if you have a lump in that area where it hurts when you get kicked? Really bad also. Lumpy pillow? You can't sleep. So you don't want lumps in general... why do you want that in your cheese? Or in your cheesecake. And ricotta is runny... so runny+lumpy= does that really equal tasty? really?

Mom's Biscotti: Urban Italian (recipe straight from the book not adapted because one problem is right in the recipe)

makes about 40 biscotti

3 whole eggs
1 cup sugar
4 tablespoons butter
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
zest 2 lemons
3/4 cup whole shelled pistachios (i used pine nuts)
1 tablespoon anise seed (or crushed fennel seed) (i used fennel seed)
1 tablespoon Sambuca (didn't have it, didn't use it)

Using the whisk attachment on a KitchenAid, whip 2 of the eggs and the sugar together at medium speed (speed 4) until mixture becomes foamy and pale and doubles in volume, about 15 minutes. In the last 2 minutes of the egg-whipping process, pour in the melted butter and allow it to incorporate.

Remove the whisk attachment and replace it with the paddle attachment. Add the flour, baking powder, and lemon zest to the bowl and mix at low speed (speed 2) until everything is combined.

Add the pistachios and mix 30 seconds, so the nuts are combined into sticky dough.

Refrigerate the dough in the mixing bowl for 20 minutes, covered in plastic wrap, so that the dough cools and becomes workable.

Preheat oven to 350.

Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Remove the dough from fridge: take half the dough out of the bowl and shape it into a log about 9 inches long by 1 1/2 inches wide. Repeat with the remaining dough. Lay these logs out on the cookie sheet, leaving 3 inches between them to allow for expansion during the baking process.

Whisk the remaining egg briskly in a small bowl. Lightly brush dough with this egg wash.

Bake the dough until the loaves start to brown, about 15 minutes. Rotate the tray in the oven, and continue baking until the loaves are golden brown about 10 to 15 minutes more.

Remove the loaves from the oven and let them cool until the logs are warm, but not too hot, to the touch, about 10 to 15 minutes.

Lower the oven temperature to 325.

Place the loaves on a cutting board. Using serrated knife, cut them on a slight diagonal into 1/4- inch biscotti-sized pieces, discarding the end pieces.

Place the cookies back onto the lined baking sheet, one by one, and return the sheet to the oven. Bake until the biscotti are crunchy, another 15 minutes or so.

Allow the biscotti to cool before serving. They will keep in an airtight container for up to 1 week.

Tasting Notes: The biscotti in and of themselves were great except that the recipe never states when to add the fennel seeds and Sambuca. I almost forgot, I'm pretty sure you should add them with the nuts but arg!!!! I added them after the dough had already chilled so stirring them in was not fun. I thought I was going crazy until Rich read the recipe and reread it again and he didn't see it either. So, I'm not crazy... at least I've got that going for me.

Next Post: Cheesecake recipe for all the people who like ricotta, my epic fail, and who's to blame for this mess?

meet crack's cousins...

Before I introduce you to Crack's cousins, let me state for the record and for legal reasons...

I, Krysta Guerrero and the website Evil Chef Mom, are not responsible or will not incur any damages for the following actions; addictions to the above substances, any weight gain, hoarding behavior, addictive behavior, or any shorted out computer keyboards due to excessive drooling.

Sometimes you hop on the Internet and nothing inspires you. Sometimes you hop on the Internet and you get depressed because everyone is cooking something great and taking wonderful pictures and you know you just can't compete.

Then...

Then there are the days where the Internet smacks you on your ass and says, "Get a move on girl and make these NOW!"

Let's start with White on Rice's Pizookie.

Katie made her Chocolate Chunk Chocolate cookies for her friend Angie's 17th birthday. So, I asked her if she could save me a ramekin full of dough. She did. I baked it. It was divine, dahling.



and then there was this...


*roll that beautiful crack footage...

Simultaneously there was this post from Smitten Kitchen and an email from Martha, yes that MARTHA. Didn't you know that me and her are BFF's? We are tight. So tight we hang out and do tequila shots at Siberia and dance on the bar, like we're Paris and Lindsay circa early 2007.

Okay, so maybe in my dreams but I did get an email for Martha's Cookie of the Day and with Smitten Kitchen's post... it just had to be. Kismet, I tell ya', kismet.

But I had to up the ante, so to speak, because when I think of Saltines I think of the snack my grandmother used to make us of Saltines with Peanut Butter. So I schmeared some pb on the Saltines before I poured the caramel and chocolate on.

Here I am collectively smacking all y'all on your ass and saying, "Get a move on and make this already."

Oh Good Lord!!! Stick a fork in me 'cause I am done. See you in rehab!

In the immortal words of Whitney Houston...

"Crack is whack."



*and to beat a dead horse...

"and I said No, No, No..."

Next on Evil Chef Mom- AN EPIC FAIL OF MONUMENTAL PROPORTIONS!

a16's roasted asparagus with walnut crema

Above is Easter Dinner, which I didn't cook. See I have an excuse, really I do. It's actually a very good reason. My birthday was Friday and my mom decided to combine my birthday dinner with Easter. Cool beans.

My mom asked if I minded and I was all... "Heck No! I always wanted my birthday to be on Easter."

Do you know how long I have to wait for my birthday to be on Easter? Seriously, guess. I'll wait for you to do the math.

whistling...tapping my toes... humming... doing the truffle shuffle

Give up?

2039!!!! 30 years from now.

So not fair...I'll be 65. Noooo, I couldn't have Easter on my birthday when I was 10 or 16. No, no, no... I have to wait until I'm 65. I mean I'll be a young 65 but what the hell... it's still 65. I can't even imagine being 65. Gah.

All I know is that I better get an Easter basket and presents that year. Everyone better make a big fuss, damn it.



Okay, now that I have gotten that out of my system... I received three cookbooks for birthday presents, A16 Food+Wine, Urban Italian, and Ruhlman's Ratio (which I guess is a cookbook? isn't it?) So that brings my cookbook ownership up to 15 books and 5 of Ruhlman's books not including French Laundry and Bouchon. Which quickly went back to 12 because my mom took these books to get inspiration for Easter dinner.

And look what she made...

Roasted Asparagus with Walnut Crema: (A16 Food+Wine)
serves 8

Walnut Crema:

kosher salt
1 1/2 cups walnuts
1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
1 small red onion, diced (about 1 cup)

Roasted Asparagus:

extra virgin olive oil
3 bunches asparagus
kosher salt
1 cup walnuts, *toasted and coarsely chopped
grated pecorino
(the recipe calls for pecorino tartufo, which is pecorino cheese studded with black truffles... which cost about $30 per pound. umm, not happening when you need to feed about 20 people)

*Toasted Walnuts:

Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Spread nuts in a single layer on a rimmed baking sheet and toast, rotating the pan front to back often, for 15-20 minutes. Until nuts are aromatic and golden.

For the Walnut Crema:

Bring a pot of salted water to a boil. Add walnuts and blanch for 8 to 10 minutes or until tender in the middle. Drain walnuts, reserving 1/4 cup of cooking liquid. Set aside.

In a saute pan, heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil over medium heat. Add onion and a generous pinch of salt and sweat for about 7 minutes, or until golden brown and tender. Remove from heat.

In a food processor, combine the onion. walnuts, and reserved cooking liquid and process until creamy. With the processor still running, slowly add the remaining 1/2 cup of olive oil, processing until creamy. It should be the consistency of creamy hummus. If too thick add some water.

For the Roasted Asparagus:

Preheat oven to 500 degrees and lightly coat 2 baking sheets with olive oil.

Trim off the tough stems ends from the asparagus. Spread in a single layer on prepared baking sheets. Season with salt and coat each spear evenly with olive oil. Roast asparagus for about 8 minutes, or until blistered and slightly charred and tender when pierced with a paring knife.

In a small bowl, toss toasted walnuts with a pinch of salt and a drizzle of olive oil.

To serve, spoon the crema evenly across the bottom of a platter. Arrange the asparagus spears on top and sprinkle the toasted walnut mixture on top. Grate cheese on top and finish with a generous drizzle of olive oil.

Tasting Notes: Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! I loved these asparagus. I'm pretty sure everyone else did too. The asparagus were perfectly cooked and the walnut crema set off the asparagus nicely. I think if anything it could have used a little acidity. Maybe finish off the asparagus with a drizzle of lemon olive oil?

*I was just googling this recipe and it seems everyone squeezes a little lemon on this dish at the end.


katie self portrait 4.13.09

i think the hair looks good and not at all liza minelli-ish but i'm mom... what do i know?

provencal chicken, my way

(Katie is spending Easter weekend at her dad's and got her hair cut on Saturday)

*ring-ring

"Hello?"

"Hey Mom. Happy Easter." She didn't sound so happy.

"Hey Katie. Happy Easter to you too."

"Mom, I look like Liza Minnelli." Mind you, this is said like her best friend just died. Kind of a breathy whisper like she is in shock and can't wrap her mind around this devastating circumstance that could only happen in ones dreams.

"Young Liza or Old Liza?"

"Young Liza."

"That's not so bad."

"It's really short, like, Catherine Zeta Jones in Chicago short."

"Oh... that is short. Do you like it?"

"I have to get used to it."

"So are you calling me to warn me?"

"Pretty much."

I think Katie was going for Audrey and ended up with Liza. I haven't seen it yet so who knows, either way she is an icon for someone..


My daughter, gay icon at age 16. That does not make me Judy because I can't sing a note to save my life.



I got my inspiration for this dish from this recipe in Gourmet.



ECM's Provencal Chicken

serves 4

6 chicken thighs
4-6 tablespoons of olive oil
6 potatoes, scrubbed and cut into 1/4 slices
1 container of grape tomatoes, sliced in half
5 oz. or 1/2 a 10 oz. jar of kalamata olives
2 oz. or 1/2 a 4 oz. jar of capers
fresh rosemary
salt and pepper to taste

Place a large enough baking dish to fit potatoes and chicken thighs in an oven and pre heat oven to 450. Toss chicken with 3 tablespoons of olive oil, salt, and pepper. Place coated chicken, skin side down to one side of hot baking dish. Toss potatoes with remaining olive oil, salt, and pepper. and spread on the empty half of baking dish. It's okay if they bunch up. Roast chicken for 20 minutes the turn chicken over skin side up. Add olives, capers, tomatoes, and rosemary over chicken. Roast chicken for 30 minutes or until done.

Tasting Notes: I love the flavor/texture combinations in this dish. Crispy skin from the chicken. Sweet from the roasted grape tomatoes. Briny from the capers. Salty from the olives. The sharp rosemary taste. It's like a party for your tongue. Then the potatoes, oh lord the potatoes... They crisp up but are a little soggy from the roasted chicken juices, then you can taste the salt, sweet, brine from the olive, tomato, and capers which make the potatoes so sweet tasting. Every flavor stands out but also comes together beautifully.

happy easter!

whatever you celebrate, have a good one!

"Sometimes hard boiled sometimes runny
It comes from a chicken not a bunny dummy"

beastie boys, eggman

monte cubano sandwiches

(author's note... this post is nsfw. i debated a long time about even putting it up because people i know have personally come up to me and they are reading my blog/or making so-and-so recipe and that has thrown me for a loop. so if i do know you... don't read too much into this and if your kids spend the night i warn them this might happen and that rich will leave the room or my kids will go to theirs or find something to do that will take their friends out of earshot)

fa·nat·ic

Etymology: Latin fanaticus inspired by a deity, frenzied, from fanum temple

definition: marked by excessive enthusiasm and often intense uncritical devotion

Welcome Back Baseball!

Rich is a baseball fan. Well, maybe fan is too light of a word. It doesn't have the heft of what he really is and fanatic really doesn't do it justice either. Let's put it this way he hid his uberfantic tendencies until we were married because I would have seriously considered not marrying him if I knew what I know now. Think of him as a stereotypical Yankee fan and a Red Sox fan rolled into one. When my sous chefs friends come over we warn them that you will hear bad words during a baseball game and it will be loud. Rich will normally go into our bedroom when company is at our house because even he knows that no one wants to hear it but he can't control himself. It's Baseball Tourette's.

So what is it that no one wants to hear?

Rich's Guide of Baseball Insults:(Revised Edition)

The short or long clap: This is just a clap but it has it's own beat. A short clap is good but a long clap (and do I mean long... like all the players have all taken showers and gone to the airport to catch the flight home and he's still sitting there clapping) we know the game or a particular play was good. A job well done.

Jackass: Anybody on the other team that shows up his SF Giants. Particularly any LA Dodger or a LA Dodger fan. Including my best friend, his best friend, my step mom...

"That jackass Manny Rameirez is a cocksucker. He needs to fucking cut his hair."

or

"Hey Jackass! Your team lost last night."

Now here's where it can get tricky... most of the time you would think that these names would be directed at the other team but no they are not. They are directed to his own team... sometimes as a term of affection but more often than not they are screamed as motivational tool to get his team to play better... like they can hear him yelling through the tv.

Note: Goddamn is used before every insult.

Cocksucker: Error. Okay, that's forgivable. Don't do it again.

"Goddamn cocksucker. Get your glove down next time."

Cocksucker motherfucker: Error/Mental Error. Don't do it again. Big leaguers are not suppose to make that type of error.

"Goddamn cocksucker motherfucker! Stupid base running. Lewis doesn't have his head in the game. Why the fuck was he running?"

Cocksucker motherfucker piece of shit asshole: Error/mental error/stupid error. Go figure it out in the minor leagues, dumbass.

"Goddamn motherfucker piece of shit asshole. What the fuck was he thinking? Throwing that on an 0-2 count."

Cocksucker motherfucker piece of shit asshole dumbass stupid motherfucker: Stupid ass shouldn't play. Just retire.

The above saying is normally reserved for the pitchers and normally when they give up runs in the eighth or ninth inning after the Giants have been leading the whole game. Especially if the pitcher has walked in a run.

But it also is reserved for Barry Bonds when he would nonchalantly jog in the outfield to catch a fly ball and miss.

goddamncocksuckermotherfuckerpieceofshitassholedumbassstupidmotherfucker:
If that's repeated twice you might want to clear the room.

This is saved for the special times like when Jose Cruz Jr. dropped a ball during the 2002 World Series. Any game in which the Giants lose to the Dodgers.

This is what I have to deal with for 162 games and believe it or not Rich says I'm not a fan because I do not participate in his love of Baseball Tourette's.



Monte Cubano Sandwich: Gourmet March 2009
Serves one

2 slices firm bread
1 to 2 teaspoons mustard
4 or 5 dill pickle rounds
2 slices boiled or baked ham
2 slices smoked turkey
3 thin slices Swiss cheese
1/2 garlic clove
1/2 tablespoon mayonnaise
1 large egg
2 tablespoons whole milk
1 tablespoon unsalted butter

Spread 1 slice of bread with mustard and top with pickles, meats, and cheese. Mince and mash garlic to a paste with a pinch of salt, then mix with mayonnaise. Spread on remaining slice of bread and assemble sandwich. Beat together egg, milk, and 1/8 tsp each of salt and pepper, then soak sandwich in egg mixture. Melt butter in a heavy medium skillet over medium-low heat. Cook sandwich, uncovered, until underside is well browned, about 4 minutes. Flip and cook remaining side, covered, until well browned, 3 to 4 minutes. Remove from heat and let stand, covered, 1 minute.

Tasting Notes: Here's how you eat this sandwich. Make this sanwich then grab a cold beer from the fridge, some chips from the cupboard, then sit on the couch and watch a baseball game and if it all possible try using Rich's Language of Baseball.

winner, winner, chicken dinner

The winner is: Cheryl!!!

"I do enjoy reading cookbooks. Many people think this is unusual. I am attracted to a cookbook by the photographs. Then I love a little background on the recipe. I am not one to buy a cookbook that covers recipes that I won't cook or have too many ingredients (lazy cook)."

I asked this question for a couple different reasons but mainly because I needed to know how much of a freak I am.

Let me explain...

Every house Rich and I have ever looked at the very first words out of his mouth are, "Where are you going to put all of your books?"

Umm yeah, I have a lot of books at last count over 500 (and that's not including the books I have given away to get ready for the move) but out of that 500 only 12 are cookbooks. I really don't care for cookbooks. Rich would say it has something to do with my not liking authority and following the rules. I would say that "beat 2/3 cup sugar with 1 stick butter until light and fluffy" does not add much to plot development.

But most of you agree with Cheryl, you read cookbooks and I am now officially a freak. Thank you for confirming my diagnosis.

Cheryl, email me at evilchefmom[at]aol.com and let me know which gift certificate you want.

Mrs. Kravitz and The Giggle Weed

Let's try something different today!

Also called avoidance. I don't want to think about packing, moving, paint chips, anything to do with my self esteem, kids, or that my pants are too tight creating the muffin top and what flavor my muffin top would be because that ventures into cannibalism and if we are going to go there wouldn't my muffin top be bacon flavored?

So let's role play and gossip, shall we?

Today you will be playing the part of my new neighbor across the street. Your name will be Smith.

I will be playing...



Mrs. Kravitz. The nosy neighbor.

*Knock Knock*

"Howdy. I'm Mrs. Kravitz. I live across the street. I thought I'd introduce myself and I brought you some nice chocolate cookies."

"Hi, I'm Smith. Thank you for the chocolate cookies. That's very thoughtful."

"You're very welcome. You can return the dish anytime. If you have any questions or need anything, let me know."

"Actually, I do have one question. What's up with that house next door to you?"

"Oh dear. I thought that would slip by unnoticed. Why, what have you seen."

"I saw someone late last night... oh, around ten thirty or so, dropping off boxes."

"Ahh. I don't want to gossip or anything but let me give you the run down that I have heard from the realtor and family members that sold the house... it's quite interesting. Apparently they bought the house sometime in October. Cash... paid for by their parents. When they bought the house they stipulated that it had to close within 45 days. They didn't move into the house until January and even that was strange but maybe I shouldn't be telling you this. Mr. Kravitz tells me these matters are not my business. It is peculiar though."

"What's peculiar, Mrs. Smith? You can tell me."

"I really don't mean to gossip but no one saw a moving van or truck or anyone coming in or out. They were just there. No curtains hanging in the windows except for their family room, no furniture in the rooms except for a few bags of fertilizer and the lights blazing in the family room twenty four hours a day. Their electricity bills must be so expensive. They installed a security system but there's nothing in the house that I can see. It's been four months now and they only come and go at night. Such a strange couple."

"Mrs. Kravitz, do you ever smell anything funny?"

"Well, sometimes a skunky smell." Right then the pieces come together and the realization washes over Mrs. Kravitz and in a hushed whisper says, "no."



"I don't want to gossip Mrs. Kravitz but..."

"You think they are growing the Giggle Weed? Mary Jane? Ganja?"

"Well... I wouldn't say that but it certainly sounds like they are doing something over there."

"Oh."

"Maybe you take these cookies over there. They might enjoy them more."



Chewy Chocolate Cookies with Chocolate Chunks: (Adapted from this recipe from Orangette)

A little side note: Katie was suppose to blog this recipe because she is the one who found and made this recipe over and over again and also has a very funny story about it but she's a slacker and I have been waiting days for her to post but since she hasn't (because she is a slacker)... you get my story about my suspected pot growing neighbors!

1 cup unbleached all-purpose flour
¼ tsp. baking soda
1/8 tsp. salt
4 Tbsp. (½ stick) unsalted butter
2/3 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup light brown sugar
7 Tbsp. unsweetened cocoa powder
1/3 cup plain yogurt, preferably not low- or nonfat
1 tsp. vanilla extract
semi sweet baking chocolate chopped into chunks

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone liner. In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, and salt. Place the butter in a medium microwave-safe bowl, and microwave briefly, until just melted. Add the sugars, and sift in the cocoa. Stir to blend well. The mixture will be somewhat thick and pasty, like wet sand. Add the yogurt and vanilla and stir to mix thoroughly. Add the dry flour mixture, and stir to just combine. Add the chocolate chunks and stir to incorporate. Drop the dough by generous tablespoons onto the prepared baking sheet. Bake for 9 to 11 minutes, or until the tops of the cookies have crackled slightly and look set. Transfer the sheet pan to a wire rack, and cool the cookies on the pan for 10 minutes. Transfer them to the rack to cool completely. Repeat with remaining dough.

Tasting Notes: You wouldn't know it by eating these but they are suppose to be low fat. How can that be possible? It was like eating really good brownies. A lot of them and I didn't have the munchies.