I am afraid to even touch my computer. I lost over half my photographs. That's over 1000 photos. Most of them were for a project I am doing for my daughters soccer team. Way to fuck it all up Krysta! Woo-Hoo.
I am having sexual fantasies about the crew from This Old House. Right now nothing would be sexier than a guy in a flannel shirt-no ass-plummer's butt-tool belt wearing guy with a Northeastern accent. I would have sex with him right there on the front porch if they would fix everything that is wrong with this house! And I think Rich would let me just so he can get out of fixing something, anything.
And add to that sexual fantasy, someone wearing a pocket protector that could give me all my photos back, give me more memory, and a wicked fast computer.
Is it illegal to trade sex for services rendered? If both parties agree to it... there shouldn't be a problem, right?
I would give up my left pinkie if my kids could get along for 24 hours... straight. I'm thinking of selling you to the highest bidder if you don't shut up already! My god, I could stab my eardrums out with a dull pencil.
I'd give my right pinkie if the loan lady would call back and that house would come on the market. (Mom, get the axe ready!)
And to the dude who carded me. You're joking, right? Kids don't buy expensive bottles of bourbon that have been aged for a decade. They buy the cheap ass shit because a.) that's all they can afford and b.) they want to get drunk fast with some nasty ass tasting shit like Mickey's Big Mouth. If you're trying to flirt, get a better line. If not, then you a dumb shit. I have white hair that you can see, for christ sake. I look older than 21, dumbass. It makes me want to reach over the counter and slap you for being a fucking moron.
I forgot the potato ho down... again. I am not worthy of being a ho. It's pathetic.
My little chihuahua snores louder than my husband.
Can you get the vocal cords removed from a cat without it being called animal cruelty? Because if she jumps on me and starts meowing in my face in the middle of the night while I am sleeping one more time, I am going to get all Jean Claude Van Damme on her ass.
If the kid I give a ride to school every Thursday morning doesn't start being on time and saying thank you for the ride once in a while, I might have push him out of the car while I'm going 25 miles per hour just to teach him some manners. Little punk.
Any rants you'd like to share?