1/28/09

The Fat Lady Has Sung and Has Left The Building



Okay, I'm alive. Deep breath Krysta... find your peaceful inner self because ECM Hulk is not pretty.



ECM Hulk MAD!

ECM HULK SMASH!

What's this all about? Well, at the end of soccer season comes the requisite end of the year party. Mmmm, fun.

Let me explain...

ECM's Cliff Notes Quentin Tarantino Version:

Krysta took pictures of all 16 girls + coaches and parents all season long. From August '08 to Jan '09. 5 months of pictures an average of 100 pictures per game with at least two games every weekend for five months (some times we had 4 games in a weekend). I mentioned 5 months, right? No one else took pictures, including the mom with the very, very, very nice camera with lens that she doesn't deserve. I have lens envy. Lots of pictures, lots of space on my computer taken up by soccer. When I say my life is taken over by soccer, I AM NOT KIDDING.

COMPUTER CRASHES! OH THE HORROR.

Krysta mad, Krysta curse and smash. Our heroine is temperamental. Huge Character flaw.

Krysta asks dumb male soccer coach about end of year party. Dumb male soccer coach says and I quote, "We won't be having it until Mid- February"

Krysta breathes huge sigh of relief because she has time to make separate photo cds of all the girls during the games. With individual photos and team photos and photos with the girls and their families. Nice, huh?

Krysta gets email... Dated Jan. 26th

Wait for it... Wait for it...

"End of team party will be held on January 31 at 1:00 pm"

MOTHERFUCKER! GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH COCKSUCKER!

On the plus side...the project is done because put me under pressure and give me a deadline and I kick ass. Brushing dust of my shoulder.





*like zoe... but this you tube video doesn't not have when she jumps up and says "I'm OKAY" at the end.

BEST CAR CHASE SCENE EVER. Gives me chills every time I watch it. She did her own damn stunts and no cgi.

Onto what I am suppose to write about. I'm sure all of you have seen the meme that a fellow blogger interviews you and asks you 5 questions. So I have the honor of being interviewed by Mayberry Magpie. A few words about Ms. Joan hopefully without offending any other faithful readers and bloggers. I know that there are bloggers I would love to meet and others that I'm not sure about. I think you know what I mean. You wouldn't be sure if they are, in person, what they are like on their blogs. I don't get that from Joan. I'd probably give her a huge hug and then move in because we would be BFF's. There would be the four J's and 1 K. (It does have a nice ring to it... right, Joan?) She seems authentic and genuine (I know they mean the same thing but I'm trying to get my point across) and her writing is beautiful. Just read this post. After I get done reading her blog, I feel like my blog needs to take a bath in Purell and I shouldn't be writing anymore. So when she says she likes my blog, I blush.

1. What thing would you most like to do when your four sous-chefs are raised and you suddenly find yourself with time on your hands?

I dream of this when all day long they've been at each others throats.

People tell me that I will miss them when they are gone... yes and no. I always thought 'mom' was one of many hats I wore, not something that defined me wholly as a person. I want to do lots of things but right now I am restrained by their needs and wants. And that's okay. I hope that I can give them all the skills and, ahem... love, that they need so when they do go out in the world they won't need me. When that day happens... I'm getting a Jeep Wrangler and going on the open road with my camera, laptop, and a suitcase. With my cell phone close by... because you never know when those sous chefs are going to need their mom.

going... anywhere, everywhere...

2. What is one thing about your character (something you are proud of) that you believe is the result of a lesson learned at a young age?


Nothing, I am still trying to undo the damage.

3. If someone promised to give you $500 tomorrow, but the condition is you must spend all the money on yourself, what would you buy?

a meal at the French Laundry
camera equipment
a massive spending spree on Amazon or Barnes & Noble or iTunes

4. What cooking experience was most like losing your virginity?

When I first read this question I laughed and laughed...

Mom and Kids stop reading now!

I lost my virginity at 15... Unexperienced... Too Immuture

Boyfriend was 6'4"... Umm how do I say this delicatly... big. Where I know I thought about how this might not be such a good idea... Get that thing away from me...Painful.

Fumbling with condoms

Lost my virginity at my mom's house... Nervous.

Unexperienced+Immuture+Painful+Fumbling+Nervous+ Sweaty= Baking bread or pie crusts.

I feel like a 15 year old virgin every time I make bread or pie crusts. Hoping it's going to be this big transforming experience and it's just clammy, disappointing, painful. The only thing baking bread has going for it, is you don't have to worry about getting pregnant while doing it.

5.What’s the one thing you hope people say about you at your funeral?

I have it all scripted out.

I know what music I want played...

Green Day, Good Riddance, Time of Your Life

When The Saints Go Marching In... preferably with a brass band playing New Orleans style

Any Nike Drake

Talking Heads, Same As It Ever Was

David Byrne, Glass, Concrete, and Stone

I really want everyone to be wearing fun colors none of this black crap... and jeans...

Here's Rich and my tombstones...(this is not a joke)


I hope my kids say I was a good mom.

I hope my grand kids say I was a fun/cool/awesome/bad ass grandma.

I hope my husband says I was his soul mate and best friend.

Do you want to be interviewed by me?

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. Be sure you link back to the original post.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Menu Preview:

Brussel Sprout Hash
English Muffin Bread
Dark Chocolate Tart w/ pretzel crust
Cheap Osso Buco

17 comments:

tamilyn said...

I'm with you on the pie crusts, sister. Once every five years I'll get a decent one. Thank God for Pillsbury.

What a selfless thing to do with the photos-hopefully the lens bitch will appreciate it and maybe learn a lesson in, say, sharing?

I enjoyed your interview, especially your song choices.

Snooty Primadona said...

Great interview Krysta! You aren't alone in the virginity department. I was somewhere around the same age, but I'm not saying. I can barely remember back that far. You & I also like all the same music. But after the funeral I want a big ass wake with a seriously good band playing all my favorite music, which will take days...

Oh Hell. Shouldn't we be doing all this NOW? Makes me want to have a party!

My grandmother taught me how to make a mean pie crust. Since I can't remember, I just buy the pre-made.

;-)

xoch said...

hehe, hulk. Cool interview Krysta, and congrats on your project. curious, how did you get it done if you lost the pics? Did you still have them on you camera memory card? I've lost soo many pics that way it's not even funny. what can I say, I'm a slow learner.

Lisa said...

Wow I'm the first one to say this....Interview me. I can take it.

SaintTigerlily said...

bbuh buh buh chocolate buhbuhbuh pretzel...buh.

*Saint Tigerlily's brain short circuits as she tries to will you to post a recipe and pictures, like, NOW*

Magpie said...

Chocolate tart with pretzel crust! Now!

Magpie said...

Chocolate tart with pretzel crust! Now!

Familia said...

Wanna interview me?

Spryte said...

OMG LOL!!! This was my first peek at your blog... and when I saw your response to the new party date, I totally choked on my iced tea and spit it all over my desk... those are almost the exact words I mutter in traffic!

Cheryl said...

Car chase, best 7 minutes of my life, I LOVED IT. Interesting interview, I thought I was the only 15 year old who lost her virginity with a tall guy on her mothers couch. Seriously!!!

Kristin said...

Pie crust=lost virginity? = AWESOME.

I have this feeling that all of the people who profess an interest in meeting me, mean not so much ME as my house, my dogs, my sheep, my chickens . . .

melissa said...

You kick ass, Hulk.

That Death Proof video is unfuckingbelievable.

I love all your answers. Your kids are going to love you and think you were a great mom. They'll always need you in some way because you did it right.

We would totally spend the $500 no the same stuff.

And my HS boyfriend was 6'4" and big. O_o

Good Riddance. Yes.

And you better interview me, beeyotch. ;)

Mayberry Magpie said...

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!

Poignancy, laughing out loud (snorting, really), and heart-warming -- all in one post. You hit it out of the park, girl.

And I beg to differ on answer #2. I'm convinced you got your sense of humor from hard lessons learned.

P.S. We MUST meet some day. I'm convinced I would like ECM Hulk. I'm always so reigned in, I think I'm drawn to anyone who lets loose.

Mayberry Magpie said...

Just popping back in to cement my freakishness in your mind. I actually woke up in the middle of the night with this thought: Oh my god, I misspelled a word! It's REINED, not REIGNED. One is a restraint. The other is a period of authority.

I'm so ashamed.

On second thought, you don't want to meet me.

Krysta said...

*magpie, i wake up all the time wondering if i wrote something wrong or mispelled something... so yeah, i do want to meet you.

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