hi, i'm krysta and welcome to my blog... evil chef mom. if you want to know how i came up with such a ridiculous name for a blog click here. anyways... this is a sometimes blog. sometimes it's about food, sometimes it's about crazy ludicrous things that seem to only happen to me, sometimes it's about family. i post about whatever pops into my addled wacked out adhd brain [oh hey! look it's a squirrel!]. if you want to join the crazy train... hop aboard and keep reading. don't say i never warned you!
So what is it with men and capers? Specifically with the men in my household not eating capers? I honestly don't get it. Is it because they are little green balls of death? I thought only peas could be called that. Anyways, once they heard that I was making a sauce with capers all the guys said, "I'll take mine without sauce, please." At least they were polite about it. I was happy because that left more sauce for me. And really, isn't it all about the sauce?
Polenta-Crusted Chicken with Balsamic Caper Pan Sauce:(Gourmet January 2009)
2 large eggs 3/4 cup polenta (preferably quick-cooking)* 1/4 cup all-purpose flour* 1 1/2 pounds skinless boneless chicken breasts, pounded to 1/4 inch thick between sheets of plastic wrap 1/2 cup vegetable oil 1/3 cup plus 2 tablespoons olive oil, divided 2 tablespoons tomato paste 1/2 cup balsamic vinegar 1/4 cup water a splash of white wine* 3 tablespoons capers* (I used a whole 4 oz. jar of capers with brine. What can I say? I like capers) a squeeze of lemon juice and some zest* 1 tablespoon unsalted butter
Lightly beat eggs with 1/2 teaspoon each of salt and pepper in a shallow bowl. Whisk together polenta, flour, and 1/2 teaspoon each of salt and pepper in another shallow bowl. Dip chicken in egg, letting excess drip off, then dredge in polenta mixture. Heat vegetable oil and 1/3 cup olive oil in a 12-inch nonstick skillet over medium heat until oil shimmers. Cook chicken in batches, turning once, until golden and just cooked through, 5 to 6 minutes per batch. Transfer to a platter and keep warm, loosely covered. Pour off oil and wipe skillet, then heat remaining 2 tablespoon olive oil over medium heat until it shimmers. Add tomato paste and cook, stirring, 1 minute. Stir in vinegar, water, and capers and briskly simmer until slightly thickened, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat and swirl in butter. Serve remaining sauce on the side.
Tasting Notes: Everyone liked this recipe... with or without the sauce. Katie ate seconds, which she never does and claimed it to be her new death row meal. Yeah, it was that good but make sure to have some good crusty bread to sop up all the extra sauce.
Let's talk about the holidays, shall we? Nah, let's not. Let's talk about corny movie cliches. Remember Karate Kid? Okay,picture me as Ralph Macchio but in a chick's body. God, wasn't he cute in his own scrawny way?
...oops, wrong guy, but if you type karate kid in google images this comes up...
that's better...
Now picture the master dojo guy from the Cobra Kai. That is AT&T.
AT&T keeps beatin' me down man. Spotty Internet and cell phone service. I'm ready to do a crane kick or something.
To keep busy and try not to throw my computer and cell phone out the window I made latkes. And they crane kicked butt.
Latkes (potato pancakes): Courtesy of Mrs. The Best Third Grade Teacher Ever!
6 medium potatoes 2 eggs 1 tsp. salt 2 tbs. flour 1/4 tsp. baking powder 1 small yellow onion 1 small granny smith apple
Line a colander with paper towels or cheesecloth. Peel and grate potatoes, onion, and apple on a coarse grater. Mix together and place into colander lined with cheesecloth. Let stand for 5 minuets and then squeeze out remaining liquid. Beat eggs lightly; add grated potatoes, onion, and apple and blend well. Add salt, flour, baking powder and mix thoroughly. Pour 1 inch oil into skillet and heat. Drop mix by tablespoons into hot oil. Fry and brown on both sides. Serve hot. Drain off any liquid before frying each cake. Serve with sour cream or apple sauce. Makes 20.
Tasting Notes: Mmmmm. In every recipe I have ever seen it doesn't call for grated apples in the latkes and let me tell you this is what puts these over the top. You really wouldn't know apples were in the latkes if I didn't tell you but you would know there was a little something extra to make them special.
I now have to go kick AT&T's butt. Have a Happy Hanukkah and a Merry Christmas or whatever it is that you celebrate!
I'm not a big soda drinker so imagine my surprise when you changed your logo. Very modern, dark navy blue with the white and red (some people say the new logo looks like Dick Cheney's sneer, others say it looks like Obama's logo, take your pick) and a new font. Very slick. So slick, in fact, that it almost distracted me from the fact I was now buying an 8 pack instead of the ubiquitous 12 pack. Excuse me, an 8 pack? For almost the same price as a twelve pack? Well, to be frank with you I felt a little sucker punched. Is the cost of high fructose corn syrup going up? Or is it so people don't feel so bad drinking crack in a can if they only buy a 8 pack? Maybe you're in cahoots with those stupid high fructose corn syrup is fine in moderation commercials? The whole... "Here we will give you less soda to puchase so you won't feel guilty consuming our refreshing and tasty beverage. It's actually fine to drink because it's only a moderate amount of corn syrup that we have handily pre-packaged for you." line of reasoning. (like 100 calorie snack packs) Actually I just read the pr letters you are sending to people who are complaining about the new 8 pack...
Here's a sample...
"Our consumers tell us that the 8-pack and 18-pack sizes are good options. It would allow them to stay within a certain budget, and in some households, still be able purchase a variety of flavors for their family."
UGH. I guess you take us for a bunch of suckers. Actually I know you do because the cashier at the grocery store said the box is cute, easier to handle and store in the fridge. She failed to notice that you were getting ripped off. That's stupid. Me? I'm not falling for it. Oh and the ability to purchase a variety of flavors for the family? That means you have to buy more crack in a can for your family which definitely is not staying within a certain budget. Times are tough and you are actually making more money by suckering people into buying less.
Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far, away. Sort of, not really but you'll see. There was this girl (ME!) apple cheeked, precocious, and talkative. When this girl, let's call her Lulu, just because I like the name, was graduating from kindergarten in her little paper mortarboard, there was her soul mate graduating from high school in a real cap and gown. Let's call him Tony, because we all know that I really like that name! (but we all know it's really Rich I'm talking about) now if Tony saw little Lulu back then, I'm sure he would have never thought that the little apple checked kindergartner he saw was going to be his wife because that would be just gross, right? So while the adorable (thanks, narrator) little Lulu was off getting an education and learning about the birds and the bees and whatnot. Tony was starting his life, getting married (Gasp! I know... He should have waited the extra 12 years for his soul mate but what fairy tale isn't complete without obstacles?) and moving to a far away place called North Dakota. More like a little town outside of Minot, North Dakota... 30 miles away from the Canadian border. In a one stop sign type of town. Where the weather was butt cold! Seriously, cold! Did I mention cold? Like with the wind chill -70 below cold?
lalalalalalala....(skipping some parts of the fairy tale)
When little Lulu, now the voluptuous Zaza... (because she is now of age, woo hoo!) met up with Tony back in their hometown. He regaled her with many wild tale and adventures of that far, far away place of North Dakota. Tony asked Zaza if she would like to move back to that far away place. Zaza promptly said,"Hell fuckin' no!" If she whines like a little bitch about it being 41 degrees at eleven thirty in the morning, what's she going to sound like when it's 41 below?
*is all i'm saying
whistling...not whining at all, not me, never.
It's cold folks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear you people saying shut up, we have snow, like 20 gazillion feet worth. I'm going to say, "Oh yeah. There's snow on Mount Diablo! That doesn't happen... EVER! A mountain named after the devil and there's snow on it! That mountain is on the Bay Area not even on Sierra Nevada side so take that!" and then you'll promptly slap me around like in the scene from Airplane because I'm getting all hysterical.
I'm calm now...
Do I have the soup for you! Katie got all Japanese Iron Chef like and said it tasted like clouds.
Roasted Potato and Fennel Soup: The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook
4 pounds red potatoes, unpeeled and quartered (really! leave them unpeeled) ¼ cup plus 2 tablespoons good olive oil (keep the bottle out! use some to drizzle on the top of the soup) 1 tablespoon minced garlic (3 cloves) 1 tablespoon kosher salt (you are going to need more, at the end) 2 teaspoons freshly ground paper (you are going to need more, at the end) 4 cups chopped yellow onions (4 onions) (Dude! Seriously? It looks like way too much, after I cooked them all. So much so, I took took some out and then had to put them promptly back in and anyways I couldn't see anything because I felt like I had been pepper sprayed!) 4 cups chopped fennel bulb (about 2 pounds) (save some of the fronds for garnish) 3 quarts chicken stock or water (I used turkey stock and it was goooood) 1 cup heavy cream (I used approximately 2 cups, I wanted a nice mouth feel)
In a large bowl, toss the potatoes with ¼ cup olive oil, garlic, salt, and pepper. Spread on a baking sheet and roast for 30 minutes, until cooked through. Saute the onions and fennel with 2 tablespoons olive oil in a large stockpot on medium heat until translucent, 10 to 15 minutes. Add the roasted potatoes (including the scrapings from the pan make sure to get the potatoes a good golden color) and the chicken stock. Cover and bring to a boil. Lower the heat and simmer uncovered for 1 hour, until all of the vegetables are very soft. Add the heavy cream and allow the soup to cool slightly. Pass the soup through the largest disk of a food mill or coarsely chop in a food processor fitted with a metal blade. Reheat and add salt and pepper to taste. Serve in warmed bowls.
Tasting Notes: Did I tell you that it tasted like clouds? When you hear this title for this soup you think H.E.A.V.Y. and gritty. Well, that's wrong. This soup was smooth and light and damn near perfect. The beauty of this soup is in it's simplicity. The flavor sings and is very unexpected. Before you start adding stuff to the soup, try it unadorned. It's quite good without a lot frills and fuss. I fried up some bacon and used it for a garnish with some of the fennel fronds and a drizzle of olive oil. Some cheese on top would be good, so would a sprinkle of paprika. Just don't go overboard, use a light hand.
"Hello. My name is Confection and I'm calling from the law firm of Whisk, Spatula, and Vanilla on the behalf of our client, Cher Fondant. You might know her as The Baking Goddess."
"Oh. Ummm...."
"Well, Ms. Guerrero, it has come to our attention that you have been using your blog to slander Ms. Fondant and that is unacceptable. She has a reputation to uphold. She has been very tolerant of your blog until now. You cease and desist this utter nonsense now or..."
"You know what... tell that bitch I want to meet her face to face to discuss the problems I have with her."
*scuffling*
"Give me the phone. Krysta, you know who this is, right?"
"Hi Cher! Going by Ms. Fondant now? Hmmm. Does your law firm know about your other identities? How was your time in the pen from that last little embarrassment you had your hand in? That little child was absolutely devastated. How could you? You know what? I don't even want to know. Just meet me tomorrow... you know where. We will settle this like bakers."
"Bitch it's on..."
*check out the fork from the Air France's Concorde Air Craft. My Uncle Babe took a supersonic flight once and all he brought me was a lousy fork! Cool.
Fuyu Persimmon Cake: (recipe courtesy of Katie's Great-Grandmother (on her fathers side) Doreen. Doreen is by far one of my most favorite people on this planet. When Katie's dad and I broke up, I mourned the loss of her more than I did my whole relationship with Katie's dad. She's so cool that she's does Buddhist chants at the dinner table and all my kids know her as Grandma Doreen. Told you she's awesome!)
3 cups persimmons, chopped fine 2 tsp baking soda 1 1/2 cup butter 1 1/3 cup sugar 2 eggs 2 tsp vanilla 2 cups flour 3/4 tsp salt 1 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp ground cloves 1 tsp cinnamon 1/2 tsp nutmeg 1 cup walnuts, chopped finely
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a Bundt pan. Add chopped walnuts in an even layer to the bottom of Bundt pan. In a bowl, add baking soda and chopped persimmons and set aside. In a stand mixer, hand mixer, or another bowl, blend butter and sugar until creamy. Then add eggs, lemon juice, vanilla, flour, salt, baking powder, cloves, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Mix until well combined. Add persimmon mixture into the batter and mix together until blended. Pour mixture into the pan and bake for 55 to 60 until done. Cool in pan for 15 minutes then turn over and release cake from the pan.
Tasting Notes: This is a wonderfully moist cake and would make a great Christmas present. Spicy and sweet, almost like a carrot cake. You could add raisins if you wish to or bake it like a regular cake and add cream cheese frosting.
Did you know that you can tell what this year's winter is going to be like by cutting a persimmon seed in half and looking at the seeds shape. If the seed is shaped like a knife it will be cutting cold. If the seed is shaped like a fork the winter will be easy and if it's shaped like a spoon the winter will be a heavy winter... lots of shoveling to be done.
"Krysta can't come to the computer right now, so we thought we'd take her place for a few minutes. But before we get to far ahead, let me introduce ourselves. Hello, Internet! I'm Nancy and to your right is Bob. We are Rich's parents. Apparently, Krysta is busy taking care of our 50th wedding anniversary present. Bob, did you know our son has asked our daughter-in-law to compress our fifty years of marriage into pictures?"
"grunt"
"Seriously Bob. He asked her to take two big Rubbermaid totes full of photos plus those 15 photo albums we have and pick out the best photos and scan them into the computer, clean them up, put them to music and download them into a digital frame?"
"So? What's the big deal?"
"The big deal is she wants it to be perfect and she wants to please us and our son. Plus we aren't the worlds best photographers either."
"I'm a great photographer."
"No, Bob, you are not. She asked for drugs on the Internet because she's not sure if she can do this massive project."
"grunt. Figures."
"Well, at least act surprised when we get our gift tomorrow."
"grunt. What are even doing here?"
"We are going to announce the winners of Krysta's cinnamon giveaway."
"Who cares? She's a strange one. Can't these people buy cinnamon at the store?"
"Yes, Bob, they could but apparently this is cinnamon from Vietnam."
"Who really gives a shit?"
"All these people who read her blog."
"What's a blog? You know what, don't answer that.They are all a bunch of weirdos. Can we hurry this up? I want to go home."
"Without further ado... the winners are Jude #29 and Grace #36! From what Krysta tells me Grace is quite the cinnamon aficionado and she cannot wait to see what Grace comes up with. Please email Krysta at evilchefmom [@] aol [dot] com with your name and address so she can mail these off on Monday. She says you probably want this before Christmas."
"Nancy, can we go now? This is all very strange."
"Everybody have a nice weekend and it was nice meeting all of you."
i will announce the winner sometime friday... right now i'm having a little bit of a panic attack... in-laws 50th wedding anniversary is this weekend. a little freaked out about the gift we are getting/making/creating. the pressure is on! oh lord, is the pressure ever on. what if they don't like it? they already don't care for me as it is. what if they HATE it? oh god, will they hate it? what if i fuck it all up, will they hate me more? or maybe they will love it and then love me? i'm not holding my breath.
i'm going to go have a drink now... but i have a feeling photoshop and drinking probably don't mix together so well.
So... let's start my slow return to blogging with a giveaway, shall we?
*they are so cute, you just want to pinch their cheeks!
Most of you probably know who these two are, if not let me introduce you to the very talented Todd and Diane of White on Rice. On top of being talented, they are probably the most kind and generous people I have ever been in contact with. They have no problem answering questions and mentoring me with some of the most mundane stuff. Stuff I should have known. Stuff that's obvious to a 5 year old. I'm sure after my phone calls and emails they probably shake their heads in wonder going, "What are we going to do with her?"
A few weeks back they had a giveaway of some cinnamon they brought back from Vietnam. This giveaway had over two hundred entries and I won three sticks of this...
*bow down to the dastardly duo... cinnamon and her henchman, the micro-plane.
When Todd and Diane announced the winners they said...
"Congratulations! Now someone go make friends with Evil Chef Mom. Maybe she’ll share two of her other sticks with you!"
At first, I was like Daffy Duck in the above cartoon. You know the one where Bugs Bunny and Daffy are headed to Pismo Beach (all the clams you can eat) and Bugs and Daffy end up at Ali Baba's cave. Bugs was all like, "I should turned left at Albuquerque." and Daffy sees the treasure in the cave and goes all manic, screaming "It's mine, you understand? Mine, mine! All mine! Go, go, go! Mine, do you hear me? Out, out, out! Mine, mine, mine! Go away! There's only enough for me!"
Yeah, I did that and I'm ashamed. Todd and Diane have helped me out so much that I couldn't just hog it all to myself. So in the spirit of Christmas baking and good cheer, I'm giving away two of my three cinnamon sticks and some other goodies. All you have to do is leave a comment by Wednesday 12/3 by 9:00pm PST. It can be any comment.
For example:
If you want to discuss why you feel Hanna-Barbera cartoons are superior to Warner Brother cartoons. Go right on ahead. You are entered.
Recipe Ideas for cinnamon? You are entered.
Got a Black Friday Rant. You are entered.
If all you say is, "I have to have cinnamon now!" You are entered.
This cinnamon is beyond amazing. It tastes just like a red hot candy and is a revelation in your mouth. You will never use cinnamon from a jar again, that's how good it is. So make sure you enter!
