Damn It, Janet!

Happy Halloween!

I have been sick and in jury duty for the last couple days so... this is as good as it gets.

Here's the deal with jury duty... look there are only two things you have to do for your country. Pay your taxes and serve jury duty. You aren't required to serve in the military. You can speak badly about your country and it's leaders, if you choose to. Hell, you can even burn our flag if you want. Our country only asks that you pay taxes and serve on a jury when called to. Don't complain, shut up, suck it up and do it with a smile. It's really a small price to pay for living here.

*you can even be a sweet transsexual transvestite!

Pardon The Interuption

*If you're a regular reader, be patient. I need to be a good hostess and tour guide for a few sentences.

Hi, if you saw my recipe in The Record today and decided to check my blog out, let me introduce myself. I'm Krysta and welcome to my blog, Evil Chef Mom. Let me give you a quick overview. I was born and raised in Stockton. I wanted to be a chef but then four little words happened... Katie, Andrew, Will, and Nancy and I became their personal chef. I love food and Stockton is in the center of everything agriculture, food wise, and has lots of different cultures to sample food from. While Stockton has it's problems, eating well shouldn't be one if you really try. So it made sense for me to start a food blog. More often than not, I try to keep it humorous but politics, the occasional rant, and an errant bad word or two do slip in. Up top, by the header, there are links to an archive of my recipes, frequently asked questions and a way to contact me. Other than that pull up a chair and stay a while.




Pumpkin Cream Cheese Swirl Brownies: Adapted From Martha Stewart Living

Serves 16

8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, plus more for pan
6 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
a pinch of cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups sugar
4 large eggs
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
1 8oz pack of cream cheese, softened
1 1/4 cups solid-pack pumpkin
1/4 cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter a 9-inch square baking pan or dish. Melt chocolate and butter in a heatproof bowl set over a pan of simmering water, stirring occasionally until smooth. Whisk together flour, baking powder, cayenne, and salt in a large bowl; set aside. Put sugar, eggs, and vanilla in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment; beat until fluffy and well combined, 3 to 5 minutes. Beat in flour mixture. In a separate bowl beat together pumpkin, softened cream cheese, oil, and pumpkin pie spices until smooth. Divide the flour batter between two medium bowls (about 2 cups per bowl). Stir chocolate mixture into one bowl. In other bowl, stir in pumpkin and cream cheese mixture. Transfer half of chocolate batter to prepared pan smoothing top with a rubber spatula. Top with half of pumpkin batter. Repeat to make one more chocolate layer and one more pumpkin layer. Work quickly so batters don't set. With a small spatula or a table knife, gently swirl the two batters to create a marbled effect. Bake until set, 40 to 45 minutes. Let cool in pan on a wire rack. Cut into 16 squares.


Tasting Notes: Different but good. It's hard to describe. Let's put it this way... while they will never replace regular brownies, if you are craving pumpkin because it's fall and your body instinctively knows it needs a pumpkin pie fix but you don't want to go through all the trouble to make a pie. These will do nicely.

*Update: I screwed up. The lovely Sarah (a Record reader) kindly pointed out an error in the recipe. If it was me I'd yell "Hey dumb ass! You screwed up." But Sarah didn't and for that I'm eternally grateful. So let's make some amendments to the recipe... Ignore The Record recipe and follow the blog recipe. The blog recipe is a little clearer to follow.

This Could Only Happen To Me

Everybody comfy? Because do I have a story for you.

Regular readers know about MADOF. And we all know how how hard it is to maintain a certain level of said MADOF. Last week there was an email just sitting there in my inbox. I avoided it, thought it was spam or a virus, I don't know. Imagine my surprise when I opened it and saw this...

hi - this is jon madof. i do a 'google alert' on my last name (i'm a musician in nyc) and your posting about 'MADOF' just came up.i must say out of all the interesting hits i've gotten on my last name, yours, um, takes the cake.thanks for giving me a good laugh!

all the best,
jon madof
new york city

Did you read that?

Jon Madof.
MADOF.
JON. MADOF.
MADOF. JON.
Oh Shit!

Spelled the same way and everything. There is a Madof living in New York City. A name I have used as an acronym to describe fuckability and maintain a standard of beauty.

'Oh Snap!' is the only thing that came to my mind, then followed by lots of laughter. It was a mixture of embarrassed, excited, and a healthy dash of mortified. So I went to check out all his links. Come to find out he's a musician which is even stranger because I feel music and food have always gone together. In my own little world this makes sense. A musician with the name Madof finds a cooking blog that regularly invokes his name. His name is an acronym about sexuality which also in my mind also goes with food. So it's kismet that we met! I emailed Jon back, told him I was embarrassed but thrilled and shamelessly asked if can I write about this and link to you blah, blah, blah. And Jon said yes. and also said this 'plus, when people can't remember that my name has only one 'f' at the end, i'll recite the mantra for them. they probably won't forget it after that.' Nope, no one is ever going to forget his name ever again. So dear readers, I am pleased to present Jon Madof. All around good guy with a great sense of humor and a great musician to boot! He is officially an honorary sous chef. I don't keep a kosher kitchen but we'll work on that!


jon madof part of"nyc's baddest jewish power trio"

Check Out Jon 'MADOF' Madof:

Web Page
MySpace
His band's MySpace

Winner(s)!

Dear Commenter's,

Does everyone feel better? I hope so... because reading your rants made me feel better. I think some of you had some things to get off your chest. So because I am feeling generous there are two winners. Why? Because I'm can never pick just one. Kristen from Going Country was the 18th comment with her slug rant.


Dear Slugs:


Get out of my garden, or I'm coming after you with the salt shaker.


Love and salty kisses,


The Crazy Garden Lady


but because not everyone left a rant and I was going to pick two winners anyways the 18th rant was actually...


Dear Angry Bloggers,


Just reading my favorite blogs for a little lighthearted entertainment and instead I have to read $#%%^&*&*( and my blood pressure is rising. I don't need any more anger or stress in my life - I have 3 kids for goodness sake!


Blessings,


To chicken to leave her name


So Kristen and To Chicken To Leave Her Name, you both won! Woo-Hoo! E-mail me at evilchefmom [at] aol [dot] com with your address and name so I can send you your trick or treats.

I would've and should've had a most entertaining post today but I am a little preoccupied right now. Stay tuned because tonight I have a whopper of a story for you.

Wait For It...

I told you I was trying to take over the world.

Thank You Stacey.

best.thing.ever.

this is the best political thing ever. thanks to the brilliant jenny for posting this.

...scroll down for my rant contest.

Two Rants & A Giveaway

Dear Adult Trick or Treaters,

Really? I mean really? You stand at my door, not even dressed up, and say trick or treat with a pillowcase in your hand. And your pretense is the baby in the stroller needs candy? What the fuck? Are you so cheap that you have to go trick or treating? What's especially galling to me is that you will dress your 2 month old baby, stick him or her in a stroller at 8 at night to get your poor broke ass some candy. Really? I ask this because do I look stooopid? Like that baby is going to eat the Twix bar I just gave you?! Dude, it pisses me off. I want to say something snarky to your ugly ass face but I do not have the testicular fortitude because my town is so ghetto. If I say something...

A) my house will get vandalized somehow...
B) my car with get vandalized somehow...
or
C) you'll pull out a gun. Over some candy. Let's commit a felony over some candy. I mean it sounds logical to me.

So, pretty much you've got me where you want me. Your mother would be ashamed of you, jerk. Go buy a fucking bag of candy, asshole.

Trick or Treat My Ass,

Krysta



Dear World's Finest Chocolate,

When did you guys get so cheap? I remember when it was a big deal to sell World's Finest Chocolate as a fund raiser for school. Yeah, it was expensive. A dollar a bar, but man, what that dollar bought you. A chocolate bar that was about an inch high, with whole almonds. You felt rich in chocolate. It was a treat. Kids would buy candy bars during recess or on the bus after school and eat one square at a time. You wouldn't think twice as a kid spending your hard earned dollar because it was worth every cent.



Now they are only a little over 1/4 inch high, with one chopped up almond inside. And don't even get me started on the quality of chocolate. Back in the day it was good solid milk chocolate. Creamy and tasty.


*look, two candy bars aren't even an inch high.

Now, it is chalky and tastes like ass. What in the hell happened? Make them like you used to and charge two dollars a bar. People will pay it, trust me. I'm almost ashamed that my daughter is peddling this shit. I feel like she's ripping people off. You are not World's Finest Chocolate anymore. More like World's Craptastic Chocolate.

Kisses,

Krysta

Contest:I'm opening up a can of worms by having this contest. I want your best letter rant a la Evil Chef Mom style. So I expect cursing and it needs to have a salutation and a great sign off. It can be about anything and you don't have to leave a name. Go anonymous. I don't care, just no threats of bodily harm or I will delete your comment faster than the speed of light. The prize is some tricks and treats. I am giving away chocolate and candy. Some of my favorites and some of my not-so-favorites (see above)

Rules:

Leave your rant in the comment section.
Your rant can be anonymous.
You can curse.
It has to have a salutation and send off.
No serious threats, sometimes it's a fine line between funny and mean. Let's error on the side of funny. Okay?
You can enter as many times as you want until Sunday 6:00 pm (pst).
Winners will be announced Monday.

This Robocall is Brought to You by The Concerned Food Bloggers of America

*this post was inspired by the four to five robocalls I'm getting per day.

Hello Concerned Readers. This call is to make sure election day or any day for that matter you do not read Krysta Guerrero's blog Evil Chef Mom. Let's start with the title. Evil Chef Mom. That shows questionable judgement. Who would name their blog Evil Chef Mom? Someone who is unkind and has no morals whatsoever. Do you really want someone who considers themselves evil running your country? She is in the hands of developers and special interests. Krysta Guerrero butchers innocent recipes for monetary gain. Do you really want this lady in your kitchen? A lady that uses bad language, too many periods.... and (((these)))!!!! She can't even use our punctuation laws correctly. She is bad. Bad for food bloggers, bad for you, your kids, your computer, and most of all... for our country.

This message brought to you by The Concerned Food Bloggers of America and we approve this message.

You can find us: here, here, here, here, here and here.

Did I Ever Tell You...

I absolutely love fall. It's freckinfalltabulous! I can cook food that I otherwise couldn't make in the summer because it would be hotter than my little rear end deep frying in the bowels of hell. Anyways, with all that warm comfort food I can wear sweaters to cover up my winter blubber. Which if I was deep frying in hell, would make me an extra crispy and wonderfully tasty afternoon snack for someone. Satan, comes to mind. Sure, I won't be MADOF but I'll be cuddly with all my extra padding. Fat, if I'm being truthful but still cuddly.

In all fairness, I need to tell you I butchered this recipe. *sigh* I forgot the sausage and cream *more sighing, with head shaking* which would have been a lovely addition. *head now hanging down in shame, wringing hands* I sauteed the mushrooms in shallots, olive oil, butter, Italian parsley, and white wine. It was great just as it was, because I am Evil Chef Mom but I can only imagine how much better it would have been with sausage and cream. *now weeping at the thought of how great it could have been*

Sausage and Mushroom Penne Gratin: (heavily and I mean heavily adapted from Gourmet November 2008)

serves 4 to 6

1lb dried penne
1lb bulk sweet Italian sausage (forgot it)
2 tablespoons olive oil, divided
1 lb mushrooms, sliced
1 garlic clove (used a shallot instead)
1 cup heavy cream (oops forgot it)
1/2 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano
8 oz shredded whole-milk mozzarella

Cook penne in a past pot of boiling water. Cook until al dente. Reserve 1/2 cup pasta cooking water, then drain pasta and transfer to a (I love this instruction) a flameproof 3 qt baking dish. (Seriously, it's going in under the broiler, it better be flameproof! Are we that stupid nowadays, we need to be told this?) Preheat broiler. Meanwhile, cook sausage in 1 tablespoon of oil in a 12 inch nonstick skillet over high heat, stirring occasionally and breaking up any large pieces, until no longer pink. Transfer with a slotted spoon to a bowl, leaving fat in skillet. (What I did was put the tablespoons of oil and two tablespoons of butter in a hot skillet and sauteed the mushrooms and shallot, until the mushrooms were good and caramelized. Then added a 1/4 cup of white wine, a handful of chopped Italian parsley and some salt and pepper to taste. I then let the wine cook off some. Mixed it with the pasta, added the cheese and stuck it under the broiler. Until bubbly and golden brown) Add remaining tablespoon of oil to skillet along with mushrooms and garlic, then cook over high heat, stirring occasionally, until mushroom are golden, about 3 minutes. Return sausage to the skillet along with cream, reserved pasta water, a rounded 1/4 tsp. of salt, and 1/4 tsp. of pepper and boil over high heat, stirring once or twice, until thickened, about four minutes. Pour over pasta, then stir in 1/2 cup of mozzarella, and salt to taste. Spread evenly in a baking dish and top with remaining mozzarella. Broil 3-4 inches from heat until golden brown in spot, about 5 minutes.

Tasting Notes: If anybody actually makes the Gourmet version, let me know how it tasted!

As for the salad... make it. All it is is spinach, peeled and sliced blood oranges, sliced Haas avocado, salt and pepper, a little good olive oil and sherry vinegar. It is easy and makes you feel all elegant and gourmet and healthy and stuff. Can you see I am all out of adjectives today?

yes.

yes.

thank you laura.

Molten Hot Apple Lava

Stick with me here... I think this will make sense and if it doesn't it, well...I don't know what to say because it makes sense to me.

I got my haircut yesterday. So, instead of hair to the middle of my back, I have an inverted bob that at it's longest, hits my collarbone. First, who cares, right? Second, there will be no pictures, so don't even ask.

So, what's this have to do with anything? I think my brains are in my hair. I'm like some sort of Samson. Instead of losing my superhuman strength, I lose my Einstein-like brain. Is that even possible? It was a strange day.

First, Katie and I passed a restaurant called House of Beef. That is a serious name for a restaurant. It's not foolin' around. I mean House. Of. Beef. It sounds oh so serious. Like if you ordered a steak well done, they would kick you out. What do you want with your rib-eye? A side of prime rib? And for dessert, a t-bone? To drink, would you want creamed beef? Here's the disturbing thing, next door there was a preschool called House Of Tikes! Whhhhaaaaaattttt? Do the kids go in but never come out? Is it that whole pig thing in the last post? Though I admit, I am intrigued and might just have to go check this place out. House. Of. Beef. I just can hear Homer in my head.



mmmm...house. of. beef.

Then that night I dreamt that I adopted 20 little, miniature, tea cup sized baby elephants. What in the....? I was like some crazy cat lady but instead of cats, I had elephants. Crazy, with a side of bizarre. Apparently dreaming of elephants can be good. Go figure. I blame this on my hair cut. I also blame this recipe on my hair cut because after I made these apple turnovers. I baked a few of them, the others I deep fried. Come to momma... these tasted better than when McDonald's used to fry their apple pies.



*I also blame this on my hair loss... do note I look like a deranged Sushi Chef with my knife and a light saber in my hand 'cause I'm awesome. Here's the link if you have some time to waste.



Apple Turnovers: (loosely based on Bon Appetit November 2008 recipe)

1 1/2 pounds Granny Smith apples
1/4 cup water
4-6 tablespoons brown sugar, depending on the tartness of the Granny Smith's
3/4 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
cinnamon, to taste
freshly grated nutmeg, to taste
1 14- to 16-ounce package all-butter frozen puff pastry (1 or 2 sheets, depending on brand), thawed
1 egg, beaten to blend (for glaze)
sugar and cinnamon (optional)

Peel, core, and cut apples into 1-inch pieces (about 4 cups). Place apples in medium saucepan; add water, sugar, lemon juice, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Bring to boil, stirring occasionally until sugar dissolves. Cover; reduce heat to medium-low and simmer until apples are very tender, stirring frequently, about 12 minutes. Remove from heat. Gently mash apples with fork or potato masher until mixture is very soft but still chunky. Cool completely. Position 1 rack in top third and 1 rack in bottom third of oven and preheat to 400°F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper. If using 14-ounce package (1 sheet), roll out pastry on lightly floured surface to 15-inch square. If using 16-ounce package (2 sheets), stack sheets together and roll out on lightly floured surface to 15-inch square. Cut pastry into nine 5-inch squares. Place 1 generous tablespoon filling in center of each of 8 squares (reserve remaining square for another use). Lightly brush edges of 1 pastry with beaten egg. Fold half of pastry square over filling, forming triangle. Press and pinch pastry edges with fingertips to seal tightly. Lightly brush pastry with beaten egg. Sprinkle lightly with sugar and cinnamon, if desired. Repeat with remaining squares. Using thin, sharp knife, make 3 small slits on top of each triangle to allow steam to escape. Place triangles on prepared baking sheets. Refrigerate until firm, about 15 minutes. Bake turnovers until beginning to color, about 15 minutes. Reverse baking sheets from top to bottom. Reduce oven temperature to 350°F; continue baking until turnovers are firm and golden, 10 to 15 minutes longer. Cool at least 15 minutes before serving. Serve warm or at room temperature or you can fry them in some hot oil until golden and puffy.


Tasting Notes: Here's the link. The recipe calls for Golden Delicious and Granny Smith Apples but I really don't care for Golden Delicious, so I improvised. This recipe is so easy there is really no excuse for you not to make them and I swear it will make you look like a master pastry chef. Just make sure, if you fry them, to wait until they cool a bit because if you don't it is like eating molten hot apple lava. I definitely wouldn't know about eating molten hot apple lava but if you do, here's a tip. A little bit of sugar on your tongue helps but I wouldn't know, I just heard it helps. Nope, never once, have I ever ate molten hot apple lava. Not me, no way, uh-uh.

Better Than Shake-N-Bake

The Pig

In England once there lived a big
And wonderfully clever pig.
To everybody it was plain
That Piggy had a massive brain.
He worked out sums inside his head,
There was no book he hadn't read.
He knew what made an airplane fly,
He knew how engines worked and why.
He knew all this, but in the end
One question drove him round the bend:
He simply couldn't puzzle out
What LIFE was really all about.
What was the reason for his birth?
Why was he placed upon this earth?
His giant brain went round and round.
Alas, no answer could be found.
Till suddenly one wondrous night.
All in a flash he saw the light.
He jumped up like a ballet dancer
And yelled, "By gum, I've got the answer!"
"They want my bacon slice by slice
"To sell at a tremendous price!
"They want my tender juicy chops
"To put in all the butcher's shops!
"They want my pork to make a roast"
And that's the part'll cost the most!"
They want my sausages in strings!
"They even want my chitterlings!
"The butcher's shop! The carving knife!
"That is the reason for my life!"
Such thoughts as these are not designed
To give a pig great piece of mind.
Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland,
A pail of pigswill in his hand,
And piggy with a mighty roar,
Bashes the farmer to the floor…
Now comes the rather grizzly bit
So let's not make too much of it,
Except that you must understand
That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland,
He ate him up from head to toe,
Chewing the pieces nice and slow.
It took an hour to reach the feet,
Because there was so much to eat,
And when he finished, Pig, of course,
Felt absolutely no remorse.
Slowly he scratched his brainy head
And with a little smile he said,
"I had a fairly powerful hunch
"That he might have me for his lunch.
"And so, because I feared the worst,
"I thought I'd better eat him first."

The Pig by Roald Dahl

The only reason I thought of this poem, other than I love Roald Dahl's dark humor, is that a couple years ago at work, a co-worker said that some scientist hypothesized that if we were cooked and eaten??, we would probably in all likelihood taste like pigs. Well, I guess that's food for thought. Ba-dum-bum-CHING. I was glad that we wouldn't taste like chicken... how bland!

Pork Chop Milanese: (Mario Batali's Babbo Cookbook)
serves 4

4 center-cut pork chops, 1 inch thick
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 extra-large eggs, lightly beaten
1 cup fresh bread crumbs, lightly toasted
1/4 cup plus 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon unsalted butter

Remove the bones from the pork chops. Using a meat mallet, carefully pound the pork chops until they are uniformly 1/4 inch thick. Season the pork chops with salt and pepper. Dip each chop into the beaten eggs, allowing excess to drip off. Dredge each chop in the bread crumbs and set on a plate. In a 14- to 16-inch sauté pan, heat 1/4 cup of the olive oil over medium heat until just smoking. Add the butter and allow it to foam for 10 to 15 seconds. Place the chops in the pan and cook until light golden brown on one side, about 5 minutes. Using tongs, carefully turn the chops and cook on the other side until light golden brown, about 5 more minutes. Add more oil if necessary, 1/2 tablespoon at a time, to avoid scorching the breading.

Note: There is an accompanying recipe for arugula and teardrop tomatoes type salad with this. But I didn't make it. Instead I made a roasted tomato, onion, and garlic sauce to go with it.

Roasted Tomato Sauce:

8 Roma tomatoes, cut in half
1 yellow onions, cut into quarters
3 cloves of garlic, peeled
olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste

In a bowl, coat vegetables with olive oil, between a 1/4 to 1/2 cup. Add salt and pepper. Place mixture into a baking dish and place into a 300 degree oven. Let roast, mixing occasionally for an hour and a half to two hours. Then place mixture into a blender and pulse until smooth. You might need to drizzle some more olive oil into the mixture. And Also!!!! don't forget to take off the lid of the blender and place a towel over the top before you hit that pulse switch. We don't want ant explosions, do we?

Tasting Notes: I'm glad I got to the pig before he ate me! Crispy on the outside, tender on the inside. The fat just melted in my mouth. Much better than Shake-N-Bake. Squeeze a little lemon on your pork chop before eating and it will just elevate this dish to most awesomest thing ever!

Potato Ho For Life, G.

There are things we just will not admit. Guilty pleasures, little secrets that only our bff knows and that's only because you made her triple pinkie swear she would never tell. Oh yeah, you know what I'm talking about. I bet you're mentally going through that list right now. Maybe you are wondering what does Krysta know and more importantly how did she find out? Never mind how I found out, your secrets are safe with me but a little quid pro quo never hurt, now did it Clarice?

-I sucked my thumb until I was 13. It took wearing boxing gloves at night to break me of this habit.

-I didn't learn to ride a bike until about 12. (Seriously, what in the hell was wrong with me? Thumb sucking, no bike riding?!)

-If you put a package of Mint Milanos in front of me, I would have no problem or second thoughts about eating the whole package in one sitting.

-I cry every single time I watch Field of Dreams. Starting to tear up now. Oh crap, you know what? I admit... I cry at almost every movie. There I said it. I'm a big ol' sap. My husband always looks over at me and says, 'Are you crying, yet?' Which I always answer, 'No, leave me alone.' while I'm wiping my eyes and sniffling.

-I ditched class, played hooky, cut class one time just to go home and eat leftovers of this dish. I should have known then I was a potato ho for life. As I just typed this I thought of something. Wouldn't it be funny if instead of this...



you got this...



All righty then... so this dish is something, I guess it's from Cracker Barrel or whatever. I never knew and you know what? If all you food snobs are going to stick your nose up in the air at this recipe, I'm gonna spill all your dirty little secrets that I swore and pinkie promised I wouldn't ever, ever, ever tell... 'cause I'm a hard core potato ho like that. Don't mess with me, G.



Potato Ho For Life: Potato Casserole (cobbled together from memory)

1 small yellow onion, diced
1 green pepper, diced
a couple cloves of garlic, minced
1 package of diced/cubed hash browns, thawed
1 cup of sour cream
8 oz. cheddar cheese
1 tablespoons olive oil
3 tablespoons flour
2 cups milk
1 lb. cubed ham
salt and pepper

topping:

1/4 cup melted butter
1 1/2 cup cup crushed corn flakes

Mix melted butter and corn flakes together and set aside.

Pre-heat oven to 350.

In a skillet, saute onions in butter and olive oil until translucent. Then add bell peppers and garlic. Stirring frequently. When bell peppers are tender, about 5 minutes, add flour to pan. Stir and cook for 3 to 4 minutes. Gradually add milk and stir. You made roux, woo-ho! I only said that because it rhymed. (you can add a can of condensed cream of chicken soup if you don't want to go through with this step)

While the onions are cooking, grease a 9x12 pan. Mix hash browns, cheese, sour cream, and ham together. Then add the onion mixture. Stir and add mixture to greased pan. Add corn flake mixture to the top of the potato mixture and bake in the oven for about one hour until bubbly and brown on top.

Tasting notes: This is serious comfort food. You know those times when food is the only thing that might make it better. This is when you make this dish. It's even better when you add an egg over easy on the top.



This is my potato ho entry hosted this month by Hillary from Chew on That.

I've got NOTHING!

Seriously folks, I've got nuthin'. I ain't got shit. Do you know how freeing it is to type those words? Right now I'm bouncing in my chair with delight, a choir of angles singing and a beam of light is shining down brilliantly on my glowing and happy self. See, once upon a time ago I had a stepmomster, who hated kids, betrayed my trust more than once (seriously, she asked me a question and said she wouldn't tell my dad, I told her, she then told my dad (bitch) , got spanked with a branch on the front porch with my bare ass to the world. Gotta love my pops. Hmmm, and people wonder why I have trust issues.) and the most dreadful of all... an English major. So the sentence, I've got nothing, is very freeing because it breaks all the laws. Come and get me, English Police... Neer, Neer, I'm waiiiiiting.

Why do I not have anything to write about?

Because I don't like corn chowder! Let me explain, for years the conversation has gone something like this...

"Hey woman! Get into the kitchen and make me some corn chowder." Rich tells me.

"First of all I'm my own damn woman. Second, NO! just because you spoke to me that way. Third, NO! because well, NO! I hate corn off the cob. And make your own, damn it!" I tell him.

And on and on it goes. After 14 years of togetherness, I caved. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Does this mean, I'm one stubborn mother- shut yo' mouth or does this mean, I'm weak? It's a conundrum.

I made sweet corn and potato chowder and I hated it. The kids liked it, Rich loved it like a pig in shit, but me? It left me feeling ehhhhhh. Good not great, too sweet, not good enough for this blog. So that leaves me with nuthin'.



Five Steps of A Political Junkie:

1. Excitement: Oh yes, you know this feeling too well, don't you? This is how they get you hooked, my friend. Excitement for your candidate. Excitement for the preliminary process. The 10 men entering the ring and only one comes out alive process. A little dirty but otherwise intact and ready for the main bout. (what's with me and the Thunderdome references lately?)

2. The Seriousness: Again, you know all about The Seriousness, also known as the training montage in movies. The watching of t.v. stations, the devouring of newspapers and magazines, hours spent reading political blogs. Knowing both your candidate and the enemies voting record and stances on issues...verbatim. You are scarily prepared.

3. Anger and Insults: This is when it becomes an addiction instead of being a well informed citizen. Did you throw things at the t.v. during the debate? Yes, you are addicted. Anger comes in many forms but mostly yelling. Yelling at your own candidate? Yelling at the pundits on t.v.? Are your children calling each other politician's names instead of butthead or moron*? Then you have a problem. It's okay, I've been there I can help.

4. Resignation: You are starting to recover from the political addiction when you feel a weird wave of calm wash over you. All you want is for a politician, even your own, to answer a question, any question straightforwardly.

5. Acceptance: Or maybe it's just fatigue. No one is going to answer a question because it's too risky. Maybe things will change, maybe they won't. Who knows?

*All I know is my husband and I have a problem so serious that it affects my kids. They were calling each other names. No, not the normal... you're an idiot, butthead, moron. My kids were calling each other politician names as insults. Democrats and Republicans alike, obscure and nationally known. It ended in tears when someone told someone else they were [fill in the blank and it's not who you think it is] and that one came to me in tears, telling me they were so not that person and 'Mooooommmm, you have to tell them to stooooooppppp.'

There is only one way to beat this addiction. You have to wait it out. 26 more days before you go cold turkey. Twenty. Six. Long. Days. Shall we pray? Because I need all the help I can get.

Photo Geekery

Beware: I am about to get my geeky on. So, I bet your wonder what in the hell is up with the photos. Ch-ch-ch-check it out.




Long story sorta short. I bought a picture on esty and I was so inspired by the style of photography, I just had to know how it was done. So, I did what anybody does, GOOGLE IT! I thought I wasn't going to get any info but as always, I was wrong, way wrong. This style of photography, if you don't know, is called 'through the viewfinder' or TtV.

'Through the Viewfinder photography is defined as taking a picture of any subject through the viewfinder of any camera with another camera.'



You take your digital camera and focus it through an old camera's viewfinder. In my case, an old Kodak Brownie that I had sitting on a bookshelf. Here's where it gets a little complicated because you need something to block out the light between the two cameras. I used black construction paper, others use cereal boxes, other use specially constructed black foam forms. You should also use a macro lens but I used my macro setting on my camera. There are photoshop actions to get this type of look without using two cameras but what fun is that? It's actually very challenging, you have to really consider the picture and then set up the shot. It's definitely not point and shoot.

If you are interested you can find info: here, here, here , and here.

Also, the 'other daughter' Julia has set up her own design blog and is in the process of setting up her own etsy shop. She can do custom banners, blog layouts and all that other stuff us non geeky, un-techie old folks can't do.

Forbidden and Illegal Acts with French Toast

It was a forbidden love. It started innocently enough. A young ECM saw and more importantly smelled a cute little piece of toast walking around the playground. He was lightly tanned and smelled of cinnamon. ECM couldn't help but be smitten by his cute little buns and his cinnaminny goodness. F.T. was so different from all the other breakfasts, with his swirly belly and toasty attitude. He was dangerous, an outsider, a rebel. All the other kids laughed and teased ECM.

Krysta and F.T. sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes the baby in the baby carriage!

If you love it so much why don't you marry it...

This is only a few taunts that ECM had to hear but it only made her stronger. 'I'll show them.' she thought, 'I love him. Just wait and see. One day, I'm going to marry him!'

So she found a friend that was willing and tolerant of French Toast-People marriage and asked him if he was willing to marry them. The friend said, 'Sure, I'll meet you at the playground after school.' ECM got dressed in her chef whites and then grabbed F.T. to go get married. After a quickie ceremony, ECM and F.T. went behind the portables to play doctor... and nine months later...



French Toast Casserole: (heavily adapted from A Yankee In A Southern Kitchen)

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
3/4 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
1 loaf of cinnamon swirl bread, cut into cubes (you can keep it in slices but young ECM is a rebel)
8 large eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 cup whole milk
1/2 cup of heavy cream
juice of one orange
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated ginger
1/4 teaspoon of freshly grated nutmeg
zest of one orange
pinch of salt

1/2 cup chopped pecans (I didn't have any but if I did I would add it)
confectioners’ sugar for accompaniment
pure maple syrup


Combine the melted butter and sugar in the bottom of a baking dish. Make a nice even layer of the mixture to cover the entire area. Place bread cubes on top and mush them into place. Whisk the eggs, add all the remaining ingredients except the pecans. Pour over the bread, letting it soak in. Sprinkle with a little bit more cinnamon, nutmeg, orange rind and ginger, if you want. Top with pecans and cover with plastic wrap. Keep refrigerated for at least 3 hours or up to 12 hours. Set out at room temperature for 20 minutes before placing into a hot oven set to 350 degrees. Bake until lightly browned and set, 35 to 40 minutes. Remove and slightly cool. Serve warm maple syrup.

Tasting Notes: Can I say an orgasm for your mouth or is that a little too much? I told you it was a forbidden love...

admin notes... i never did the throw up at the movie theatre that was a line from the goonies, i did some bad stuff but never that! also the first projects from 5x5 are up. take a look at what our lives look like at 5 o'clock.

and did anybody notice the new banner? happy halloween! my talented 'other daughter' julia, creator of the potato ho and my original banner created a special halloween banner. she kicks ass. thank you, julia!

Bi- Partisan Thai Noodles

'Hello, anybody still here?'

I think the cartoon above sums everything up, don't you? Think, then blog, Krysta. Smacking my forehead.


*ignore my subversive humor, it doesn't translate well.

Could you imagine if this really happened in the comment sections of blogs? Kind of like Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome...

'Now, when men get to fighting, it happens here! And it finishes here! Two men enter; one man leaves.'

Oh, I'll bring it. Don't worry.

Can we just beat these Buffys down so I can go home? I'm on curfew girl.

Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

But one thing I think we can agree on is we all feel like the little guy in the picture.

So I bring to the table something yummy to soothe everyone's ruffled feathers and a roll of duct tape for my big ass mouth.

Thai Style Beef with Noodles: (Gourmet Magazine February 2008)

Serves:4

1 tablespoon soy sauce

1 tablespoon mild honey

2 tablespoons Asian fish sauce, divided

1 lb flank steak

3 tablespoons vegetable oil, divided

2 large shallots, thinly sliced (1 cup)

1 tablespoon finely chopped peeled ginger (I used so much more because I love fresh ginger)

1 1/2 teaspoons Thai green-curry paste

1 3/4 cups reduced-sodium beef broth

1 tablespoon fresh lime juice

1 red bell pepper, cut into 1/4-inch strips

1 bunch scallions, trimmed and cut into 3-inch pieces (why in the hell can't we just call them green onions and be done with it? no grocery store or farmers market in my area calls them scallions)

3/4 lb dried Asian egg noodles

Mix together soy, honey, 1 tablespoon fish sauce, and 1/4 teaspoon salt in a shallow baking dish, then add steak and turn to coat. Marinate at room temperature 20 minutes. While steak marinates, heat 2 tablespoons oil in a small heavy saucepan over medium-high heat until it shimmers, then cook shallots, stirring occasionally, until browned well, about 8 minutes. Add ginger and curry paste and cook, stirring occasionally, 1 minute, then add broth and simmer 5 minutes. Stir in lime juice, remaining tablespoon fish sauce, and salt to taste and keep warm, covered. (this is where it got stinky for a second) Heat grill pan over medium-high heat until hot, then lightly oil. Grill steak, turning once, about 8 minutes total (for rare). Transfer to a cutting board and let stand 5 minutes. Meanwhile, toss bell pepper and scallions with remaining tablespoon oil, then grill, turning frequently, until softened, about 5 minutes. Transfer to a large bowl. While steak stands, cook noodles in a pasta pot of boiling unsalted water until al dente, 4 to 7 minutes. Drain well, then add to vegetables and toss well. Divide noodles among 4 deep bowls and top with broth. Cut steak in half lengthwise, then thinly slice across the grain and serve on top of noodles.

Pinchers of Peril... saved by my Pinchers of Peril

Tasting Notes: Yummy. Spicy, sweet, meaty, lick the bowl clean good. Everyone liked it, which was surprising because during the middle of cooking this dish... it STUNK! Like gag me with a barbie doll leg. All the sous chefs complained about the smell and when that happens it normally equates to 'I'm not eating it.' I thought "Oh, this is not going to be good." but the smell went away and the kitchen filled up with a gingery-spicy aroma. It was well worth the few seconds of nasty to get yummy noodles.

one more for the road...

I will never betray my goon dock friends

We will stick together until the whole world ends

Through heaven and hell, and nuclear war

Good pals like us, will stick like tar

In the city, or the country, or the forest, or the boonies

I am proudly declared a fellow Goony."

Two Dirty Secrets...

I don't like Sarah Palin. There I said it. Do I feel better now that I've confessed? No. Am I afraid the Secret Service is now checking all my emails and what not? Yes. I have such a visceral reaction when it comes to Palin. I literally clench my jaw shut and grind my teeth down to the gums. My dentist will be loving this. At first I thought it was because she was a woman and I must be doing that thing where all woman must be catty to each other but no, last night the reason became crystal clear. Stick with me here....

If you look at Bush's approval rating as of today it's anywhere from the low 20 to mid 30 percent range. That means 60-80 percent of Americans think he's doing something wrong. And that means even some in his own party do not like him. Even McCain doesn't want any pictures taken with Bush and everyone, including people running for political office, is disassociating themselves from him. It's a widely held belief/theory that we (the American people ) voted in the 2000 election for the person we wanted to have a beer with. The election didn't come down to issues and really not even character but who we wanted to sit down and have a beer with. We had a choice between the uptight super nerdy guy from high school with no sense of humor or the charming jock who copies other people homework. We found out 8 years later, that when we sat down and had a beer with the jock, come to find out, we, as a whole don't like him very much. I think we all feel a little hoodwinked. So what's this has to do with Palin? She's doing the same thing. Average hockey mom... Joe Six Pack American... sorry, Palin you're not average. That became apparent when you were nominated for VP. Please don't try to sell me that shtick, we fell for it 8 years ago. I don't want to sit in a bar and have a beer with you, I don't want to sit in a bar and have a beer or a glass of wine with Obama either. I want someone to go and work for me, not drink with me. You should be too busy for that.

Can we talk bailout for a second? Here's my other dirty little secret...

After September 11th, 2001, my husband lost his job. Here's your severance package and don't let the door hit you on the way out. We did everything right according to financial experts. We had our years worth of savings, we contacted our creditors, we cut down to the bare bones. In a month, both Rich and I both found work. He worked two minimum wage jobs and I worked nights. We moved his parents in to help with child-care. Umm, that probably in hindsight, was the worst thing we could have done. Now we were feeding and paying for utilities for 8. If you look at our tax records for 2002, we went from an income of 75,000 to under 20,000. In the summer of 2002, we called our creditors again, and explained our situation. We told them we have ran through all of our savings and even though Rich had a new job, it was going to take awhile for us to recover. We weren't going to make it. All our creditors were sympathetic but they said, 'we can't help you until you are at least two month's behind on your bills'. I reasoned by then it would be too late and boy was I ever right. I really wish I was wrong. The experts never say,'when you lose your job, you might consider the need to sell your home.' We should have, the housing market was hot and we could have sold our house for a nice little tidy sum but it was our home. Where were we gonna go? It didn't matter in the long run because we lost our house in foreclosure. We did what we thought was right. Contacted our creditors, had money saved... and we still lost our home. We should have filed for bankruptcy but that isn't who we are. Stupid, huh? Maybe we had too much ethics.We worked really hard to fix everything in these last 6 years. We have paid off all our credit cards, and replenished our savings and have very frank with our kids about money, so hopefully they will never have to go through what we did. So, what's this have to do with the bailout? We did everything we thought was right, we didn't have anyone to bail us out of our financial mess. These big companies wouldn't help until we were in in such a big hole there was no way for us to climb out. Now they get a do-over? I cannot fathom this, well actually I can because I'm a pretty cynical person but I am extremely bitter. Are you guys just as angry as I am or is it just me... feel free to vent because I sure am curious on what you have to say.

a little political humor...

I love some cakespy in the morning...

Halfway/Halfassed

Halfway:

I spring this dot com thing on you then I just disappear. Bam! I'm gone... no recipes, no food, no wise ass posts, no pithy comments on your blog. Yeah, not happening. See, I'm halfway to my goal. That ever elusive finish line is fast approaching and I actually might just get there. Then, Pinkie, we will be able to rule the world!



Halfassed:

Last night after many, many, way too many hours at the computer, I had to bake. I needed something warm and sweet to soothe my nerves. So I made this.

Tasting notes:

Really good, but even better warmed up for breakfast the next day, when you are sitting in front of a computer screen and there is a blinking cursor staring you in the face, coding isn't working like you want it to, and all you want to do is beat the computer into submission. This cake will make it all better... until you eat the last piece.