Missing...

Long story, I won't bore you with all the details. So I'll summarize... Had 4 kids, gained a lot of weight, lost a lot of weight, never got wedding ring re-sized, said wedding ring always slips off ECM's finger, ECM never wears it while cooking or baking, puts wedding ring in little dish on kitchen window sill. Wedding ring now missing. Reward if found.

*one time at work, My friend and I had to climb into a big industrial sized trash compactor to find my wedding ring. It slipped off my finger at work while I was throwing away trash. There is nothing more fun than searching through the trash (cardboard, broken furniture, glass, and coffee grounds) at 5:00 am after lifting and stocking heavy furniture all night.

If You Give A Moose A Muffin...

If a moose comes to visit you might offer him a muffin to be polite, but he'll probably want some jam on it. In fact, he'll probably want several muffins with jam, because a moose is very large and gets very, very hungry. Pretty soon you're out of muffins and you'll have to go to the store. And the Moose will want to borrow a sweater and some socks because it's chilly outside. But before he leaves he'll make sock puppets for a play, and work so hard on the scenery that he'll be hungry again... and you know what he's going to want, don't you? A muffin!

IF YOU GIVE A MOOSE A MUFFIN by Laura Joffe Numeroff

I loved reading this book to my kids. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, Stinky Cheese Man, any of the Olivia books, Shel Silverstein poems, and anything by Dr. Seuss. Sometimes, very rarely, there are things that I miss about my kids being little and reading to them is one of the things I miss. Dirty diapers and waking up at three in the morning... not so much.

*We have a Winner! Bitchin Camero was correct. Though if I had the imagination of Pixie I would have made banana cupcakes with coconut frosting. Maybe next time.

Banana Coconut Muffins: (Gourmet Magazine May 2004)

Makes 1 Dozen

1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 very ripe bananas, mashed (3/4 cup)

1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, melted

2/3 cup sugar

1 large egg

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

3/4 cup sweetened flaked coconut

Put oven rack in middle position and preheat oven to 375°F. Line muffin cups with liners.

Whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt in a bowl. Whisk together bananas, butter, sugar, egg, vanilla, and 1/2 cup coconut in a large bowl until combined well, then fold in flour mixture until flour is just moistened.

Divide batter among lined muffin cups and sprinkle with remaining 1/4 cup coconut. Bake until muffins are puffed and golden, about 25 minutes. Transfer muffins to a rack and cool slightly.

These muffins were really moist and very flavorful. I couldn't taste a lot of coconut in it though. It was more like a hint of coconut. I'm sure you could add more or add some peanut butter. Oh yeah baby, peanut butter would be good. But then if I had a moose in my house... he would be hungry for more muffins because he's so big and then he'd want some jam, then....

Guess The Mise...

Any Guesses?

*post tomorrow.

breakfast

It was warm enough to eat breakfast outside this morning.

On The Menu:

Onion bagel with cream cheese, some dried apricots, almonds, and Prince of Wales Tea.

Salted Peanut and Caramel Ice Cream

Last night we had an all American dinner of potato salad and bbq chicken. We needed to have an all American dessert to go with it. This dessert is to counteract White On Rice's recipe for Thomas Keller's Beet Ice Cream. I am not so sure about this one. I mean if I was at French Laundry and Thomas Keller personally served it to me, I think I would still raise an eyebrow. Sorry, Chef Keller, I know you have one of the finest restaurants in the world but beet ice cream?

To right all that is wrong in this world. I made salted peanut and caramel ice cream.

Look at this mise en place. Five ingredients. That's it.

ECM's Salted Peanut and Caramel Ice Cream

1 1/4 cup sugar

3 cups heavy cream

1 tablespoon of vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups of chopped peanuts (salted party peanuts work well in this recipe)

1/4 cup of water

Place 1/4 cup water and sugar in a heavy sauce pan and cook over low heat, without stirring, until the sugar is dissolved. Turn the heat to high and boil sugar until it's a golden brown color, about 5 minutes. Do not stir, swirl pan to make sure the caramel cooks evenly.

Remove caramel from heat and carefully pour the heavy cream into saucepan. The mixture will bubble up like crazy, so be careful. Then the caramel will solidify, like in the above picture. Return the saucepan to low heat and stir with a wooden spoon until the caramel dissolves, about 8-10 minutes. Add vanilla. Pour mixture into a container and refrigerate until cold.

When the mixture is chilled, add peanuts. Prepare according to ice cream maker's directions.

There you have it. Salted Peanut and Caramel Ice Cream. Add some bananas and some hot fudge sauce and you have a great ice cream sundae. Much better that beet ice cream, don't you think?

*My lawyers (the little sous chefs) have advised me that Thomas Keller is a close friend of The Cooking Goddess, sister of The Baking Goddess. To spare me the wraith of Chef Keller, The Cooking Goddess, and The Baking Goddess and to not be a hypocrite I must try beet ice cream because how am I to know if I like beet ice cream if I don't try it.

I hate it when they are right!

You Are Cordially Invited To A Virtual Pot Luck

When: Saturday May 10th

Where: Your Blog Linked To Mine

Time: All Day

RSVP: Comments Section

Details: Here's how this event is going to work. Please post your favorite dish or beverage to bring to a party or potluck on Saturday May 10th. I will link everyone together that evening. As with any party, we need cocktails, wine pairings, appetizers, sides, salads, main courses, desserts, place settings, party favors, and party games. Feel free to use your imagination and creativity.

*Magpie... feel free to set a beautiful table for all of us.

...wasting time

he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me...

don't eat it, alice...

photoshopped...

You Can Thank Me Later Cookies

I'll get to the recipe in a second. Promise. I just wanted to talk about my crazy day and why this post is so late. First of all, taking my kids to school this morning we saw a motorcyclist lose control of his bike at about 35-40 miles per hour. The dude flipped over his bike and rolled into the intersection and his bike slid and hit a stopped car. Believe it or not, he didn't die or end up in the hospital. Thankfully, he was wearing a leather jacket and a helmet. Un-thankfully, he took half of his broken bike and threw the parts into someones yard and left. Classy.

AT&T charged me for taxes twice on one phone bill for a whopping overage of thirty dollars. It took me over an hour to clean up that mess. I wonder if I could dump that mess in their yard.

Sixth grade girls are... let's just say not very nice, and leave it at that.

Let's talk about cookies, because cookies make everything better, right?

Bittersweet Chocolate Cookies from Mario Batali's Babbo Cookbook:

Makes about 32 cookies

1 cup unsalted butter, softened
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 cups unbleached, all-purpose flour
1/3 cup Dutch-processed cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
5 ounces semisweet or bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
1/2 cup whole hazelnuts or sliced almonds, finely chopped
1 1/2 cups confectioners sugar

In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream the butter until very soft and creamy. Add the granulated sugar and beat until light and fluffy. Beat in the egg, followed by the vanilla extract, scraping down the sides of the bowl with the spatula occasionally. In a medium bowl, stir together the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, and salt. Beat the dry ingredients into the butter mixture, followed by the chopped chocolate and nuts. Wrap the dough tightly in plastic wrap and chill for 30 minutes, or until firm.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Divide the dough into 4 equal portions. Working with one piece at a time, break off 1-inch pieces of the dough and roll each piece into a ball. With your thumb, flatten each ball into a small disc and roll in the confectioners' sugar to coat completely. Arrange the cookies on greased baking sheets.

Bake the cookies for 8 to 10 minutes, or until they are just beginning to puff and crack. Allow the cookies to cool, then re-roll them in the confectioners' sugar. Store in an airtight container.

Tasting Notes:

1. When I tasted the dough, my brain went nuts with all the possibilities. I could tell just by the smell alone these were going to be great cookies.

2. Okay, you guys must have read my mind in some strange way because I did think of chili powder first. Some subtle heat would have pushed these over the top. Then I thought about some amaretto in the dough. Funny thing is I hate amaretto but these would be perfect for a little night cap.

3. After I just bitched and moaned about the crazy cost of groceries, I would highly recommend you buy the finest butter and chocolate you can find or afford. These cookies are seriously-crazy-as-all-get-out good. They are elegant, which I find strange to say about a cookie but if you are having a fancy dinner party or a tea or a baby shower or you have to impress someone... MAKE THESE!

4. If you are a cookie dough eater be forewarned you will, in all likelihood, eat all the dough by yourself. I'm not a big dough eater and I would have finished off the dough. It's incredibly good.

5. Got Kids? Make them roll the cookies in a ball and in the sugar and re-roll in the sugar. There's not many times in life you can make something elegant with a 7 year old.

6. The cookie dough, once it's pressed into discs, does not spread while cooking. I put about 20 cookies on a cookie sheet without any problems.

7. These cookies will not last long in your house. I made a double batch and there is maybe 10 left.

8. These cookies will make you feel better.

What A Tease!

This is the mise en place for the cookies I baked yesterday. Any guesses to what kind cookies I made?

*post this afternoon...

Please Talk Me Down From This Ledge...

Warning this post contains: poor analogies, ranting, rambling, attempts at humor, dirty underwear, and the everyday blahs... For mature audiences only.

See that packages of cookies up there. Don't knock 'em 'till you try 'em. Those cookies USE to cost 99 cents a month ago, two weeks ago they cost 1.19, last week they cost 1.30. Holy Cow! These cookies went up 31 cents in a month. All the news channels keep talking about is food shortages, rising gas prices, and foreclosures. I'm actually starting to get scared. How am I going to feed 4 teenagers? (Yes, I'm well aware I didn't have to have this many kids) Are we going to go through another depression? That money that W. is sending us to stimulate the economy, should I cash the check and hide the money under my bed or should I spend it all on food and hoard it? Seriously, I need to stop watching the news. Are you guys worried, too?

So what does soccer have to do with all this? A day or two Pioneer Woman had a post about how she hates soccer. Before you jump down my throat, I understood what the post was about and I feel that way about some of my kids activities also. What surprised and shocked me was the comments over 500 of them and I would say that 90 percent of the comments said they hate soccer.

I'm not sure why people hate soccer. Well I do, I think a lot of people think soccer is elitist. It's the idea of soccer moms and dads screaming at children about a sport no one really understands or plays, turns people off. There were comments about the cliques of parents. All of that I get, been there, done that. But....if your kids like it and are enjoying it or god forbid, good at it, what do you do? I hate schlepping my kids everyday to baseball and soccer practice and not eating dinner until 8 but I do it. I'm glad they are not spending all their time in front of a TV, computer (that's for me to do), or getting in trouble.

I think some people think of soccer like other people think of good food. Not worth their time. If you like soccer or good food you are a snob. That's not true.

AND...don't get me started on Top Chef!!! No polish sausage, but what the hell, stay on the show. Bite me!

I told you there was rambling and bad analogies. The dirty underwear line was to see if you were actually reading this post.


"Slay your fears. I will."

Thank you, Yoda. I'm gonna go bake some cookies.

Cruising (rollin') In My Rolls, Sipping on (gin and juice) Perrier...

Mayberry Magpie said...

This made me laugh out loud:

"I cooked the kids a light dinner of eggs over easy on toast with wilted spinach and grilled tomatoes"

Only because if anyone at our house uttered these words, it would be akin to saying "We drove the kids to Disneyland in our Rolls while sipping Perrier."

At our house, you're likely to get a grilled cheese if I'm asked to cook. Or Ramen Noodles if you fend for yourself. I want to come be your foster child. I would be totally devoted to anyone who would cook me eggs with wilted spinach and grilled tomatoes.

When Magpie wrote this comment a few weeks back, I laughed, then I felt bad. I didn't know if what I wrote sounded snooty or if she was just bleary eyed and half out of her mind from typing and then defending her thesis. Congratulations, Magpie! On top of receiving your PH.D you are now an official ECM Sous Chef. Yup, I have adopted you. To redeem your membership contact Krysta at evilchefmom {at} aol {dot} com.

ECM's Eggs:

This dish is easy to do, well... not easy, wait a sec, it's easy if you have a second person helping you. It does require for you to have all your ingredients together and ready to go, a mise en place. Or as Michael Ruhlman describes it in his book Elements of Cooking as:

Literally “put in place,” mise en place is the kitchen term for your set up, the gathering and preparation of all the tools and food you need to complete the task at hand; mise en place can refer to a cook’s organization on the line before the evening’s service (line cooks often refer to it simply as “meez” and can be extremely territorial about their own); mise en place can refer to the wooden spoon, wine, stock, rice, and salt you gather before starting a risotto. Because it’s such an important part of the chef’s life, so critical to efficiency of action and the use of time, the term often carries broader connotations of being ready. Excellent mise represents the ultimate state of preparedness, whether the physical mise en place of food and tools or the mental mise en place of having thought a task through to the end and being ready for each step of it.

Mise is the polite way of saying get your shit together. Now I don't do a mise for everything I cook but I'm finding out when I do, it makes everything easier. There is no last minute stressing or chopping. Look at that, celebrating a birthday does make you a little smarter. By the age of 70, I'll be a goddamn genius, Gump. (It is suppose to be, You're a goddamn genius, Gump. I changed it around to suit my purposes. It's my favorite quote in Forrest Gump and when any of us in our family do something that's not so bright *cough, cough... stupid* ...well, that quote come up. A lot.)

So here's what you need:

2 frying pans

1-2 eggs

a big handful of spinach (GASP! I use bagged and prewashed baby spinach leaves)

sliced tomatoes

parmesan cheese or cheddar cheese, grated (or no cheese at all)

salt and pepper to taste

one small clove of garlic, peeled (don't chop)

butter

olive oil

bread (I like sourdough but whatever bread you have on hand will work)

In the first pan over medium low heat you want to melt about a tablespoon of butter. When the butter is melted, crack open your egg and cook it until the egg is cooked over easy. Season with salt and pepper. Yes, you have to flip the egg and you know when and how to do that. The whole point is to cook the egg gently. Marco Pierre White says something like, "you should always cook an egg gently, like you are poaching it in butter."

While your egg is cooking, get the other frying pan nice and hot. Pour some olive oil into the pan. (1-2 tablespoons) When the oil is hot, put the garlic clove in the pan, then put the spinach on one side. Place the sliced tomatoes on the other side. Gently cook the tomatoes flipping them once or twice. Cook the spinach until it's wilted but still nice and green. Maybe, two- three minutes? Season.

How to plate:

Sourdough toast on the bottom. Place your spinach on the toast, don't put the clove of garlic in there, unless you like that sort of thing. Then add the tomatoes. Slide the eggs from the pan and place gently on top of the spinach and tomatoes. Sprinkle some parmesan cheese on top.

That's it. The recipe looks complicated but really it's not. It takes less than 15 minutes. Now, I need sip on my Perrier and cruise on down to Disneyland in my Rolls Royce.

Yeah, right.

Recipe Ruined On Account Of ECM Inattentiveness

See that title up there. That's all you need to know. I ruined this beautiful lemon-blueberry yogurt loaf recipe by not paying attention. Here I was on a roll with this baking thing. I thought to myself, I made two loaves of bread. I CAN DO THIS, I CAN BAKE. Umm, yeah right. The Baking Goddess put a beat down on my cocky self and said, 'No, you can't and here's the proof.'

Ouch. The Baking Goddess is a fickle and mean bitch. She just snatches away whatever confidence you have and slaps you around a little, to put you in your place. Then she screws around with your oven to make sure you know who's boss. Kind of like Nicky (Joe Pesci) in the movie Casino.

No matter how big a guy might be, Nicky would take him on. You beat Nicky with fists, he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a knife, he comes back with a gun. And you beat him with a gun, you better kill him, because he'll keep comin' back and back until one of you is dead.

Yup,that the Baking Goddess. She's Joe Pesci in female form. God help us all.

Lemon-Blueberry Yogurt Loaf: (Smitten Kitchen who adapted it from Ina Garten)

1 1/2 cups of plus 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour (if you’re skipping the fruit, you can also skip the last tablespoon of flour)

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

1 cup plain whole-milk yogurt

1 cup plus 1 tablespoon sugar

3 extra-large eggs

2 teaspoons grated lemon zest (approximately 2 lemons)

1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1/2 cup vegetable oil

1 1/2 cups blueberries, fresh or frozen, thawed and rinsed

1/3 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease an 8 1/2 by 4 1/4 by 2 1/2-inch loaf pan. Line the bottom with parchment paper. Grease and flour the pan.

Sift together 1 1/2 cups flour, baking powder, and salt into a bowl. In another bowl, whisk together the yogurt, 1 cup sugar, the eggs, lemon zest, vanilla and oil. Slowly whisk the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients. Mix the blueberries with the remaining tablespoon of flour, and fold them very gently into the batter. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for about 50 (+) minutes, or until a cake tester placed in the center of the loaf comes out clean.

Meanwhile, cook the 1/3 cup lemon juice and remaining 1 tablespoon sugar in a small pan until the sugar dissolves and the mixture is clear. Set aside.

When the cake is done, allow it to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before flipping out onto a cooling rack. Carefully place on a baking rack over a sheet pan. While the cake is still warm, pour the lemon-sugar mixture over the cake and allow it to soak in (a pastry brush works great for this, as does using a toothpick to make tiny holes that draw the syrup in better). Cool.

I didn't even get to make the syrup, because I suck. This is what happened... I had to pick up one of the little sous chefs from a party. I didn't want to leave the oven on while I was gone so I turned it off figuring the bread was 30 minutes into it's cooking time. My reasoning was if I turned the oven off the remaining heat in the oven would cook it while I was gone. Nope. It looked done and the toothpick came out clean but when I flip out the bread well, you know the rest.

Here's the good news, the edges of the bread were cooked. See me holding it to the light...hear the choir of angles singing from above. I snatched victory from the hands of defeat.

What do you mean I didn't? Do I look like I'm funny to you? Am I funny like a clown? Am I here to amuse you?

oops, wrong Joe Pesci movie.

This Post Is Brought To You By The Number Six

Over a week ago (I know, I know) I was tagged by Pixie over at you say tomahto i say tomato for the six word memoir meme. I struggled with this and chewed it over....a lot. I couldn't do it. Well, I could but they all sound so.....depressing.

I had ones like:

always worried about you, love mom

struggling and fighting to be myself

life lived backwards

They all went on in this vain. I told you they were depressing. Then it hit me when I was eating hamburgers for dinner last night. We'll get to that in a second. I'm sure there's other people who eat a hamburger this way but I haven't ran into them yet.

I eat my hamburger upside down.

That's my six word meme. My whole life is in that sentence. I get the job done but always backwards and unique. Well, maybe unique is too strong of a word. Just different.

How can you eat a hamburger upside down? Well, all you normal folk, pick up a hamburger, hands on top of the bun and thumbs on the bottom (pantomime with me here), I kinda of scoop mine up hands on the bottom, thumbs up top, pointed towards the other diners, then turn my wrists over. See, the bottom bun ends up on top. I never realized that I did this for years until family and friends pointed it out... okay, they teased me mercilessly. I still haven't stopped.

Six hints for I Need A Roll of Paper Towels 'Cause These Hamburgers Are So Good and I'm A Mess Hamburgers.

1.) Do not use extra lean hamburger meat. Are you crazy? You want to eat a hamburger, not a brick!

2.) Instead of salt, use soy sauce and throw a little red wine in the hamburger mixture with whatever seasoning you use. The liquid in there insures you get a moist burger and that you'll need a roll of paper towels.

3.) This is where iceberg lettuce shines. Yes, a lot of people don't like the white trash cousin of the lettuce family but in a hamburger she is truly a beautiful thing. A little crunch goes a long way. One of Julia Child's favorite foods was a good hamburger, with red onion, tomato, and iceberg lettuce. If it's good enough for her, who are you to argue? Do you dare argue with Julia Child?

4.) Buns are important. So get good ones and while you are at it... butter the buns, then toast them, grill them, or put them under the broiler. You literally have topped yourself.

5.) The art of layering your hamburger. There is nothing worse than having all your good stuff, i.e; tomatoes, onion, avocado, lettuce slide out of your burger. Remember the buns and burger act as grips for all the slippery stuff. Use them.

6.) Eat your hamburger upside down.

Okay, now I'm suppose to tag 6 other people.

1. Asthmagirl. All this month she has been writing letters as her posts. I'm wondering if she could write a six word letter? Yup, my little wheezy one, I just issued you a challenge, are you up for it?

2. Melissa from Alosha's Kitchen. I'm just curious to know what she's like. You can feel the good vibes coming from the computer screen when she's around.

3. Nan from Pots and Pins. I think right now (check out her blog) she has a lot to say about love.

4.) Kim from Yummy Mummy Cooks Gourmet. I expect something truly funny, bizarre, and touching. This is what you get, Kim, for telling the world about the dead hooker problem we had awhile back.

5.) Noble Pig just because... well, I think you have something to say.

That's all. It seems that this meme is very popular and most people have been tagged.

Rules:

1.Write your own six-word memoir.

2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.

3. Link to the person who tagged you in your post.

4. Tag five blogs with links.

5. Remember to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play. (I'm going to do like Pixie and let you read it here and if you decide to do it, great. If not... no harm, no foul.)

* With the hamburgers we had a warm potato salad. I'd give you the recipe but I sliced the potatoes too thin and they fell apart when I mixed the salad so I ended up with lukewarm, sorta mashed potatoes. Next time, dear readers.

Ferosh! or a little amuse bouche...

Driving Sous Chef Katie home from school the other day the conversation went something like this...

"Hey Mom. You aren't going to believe me but I'm going to tell you anyways."

"Alright."

"There's this guy at school, he's out by the way, he talks to you based on your outfit."

"What?! No, he does not." I'm cracking up.

"Oh, yes he does. If you are in the hallway and you look tore up you might get a nod or he'll just walk right on by. If you look pretty good, he'll stop say hi and maybe give you a hug. If you have a really good outfit on he'll give you a hug, maybe two and talk to you in the hallway. Today, was a two hug day and a long conversation."

Three thoughts went through my head. She did look good. I'm glad I'm not in high school anymore. I need more gay friends.

Breakfast of Champions

I was so hungry that I couldn't wait before I took the picture. Taking a test for a job today, wish me luck.

Talking To A Clinton...

Bad pictures happen when you try to take a picture and at the same time are discussing (arguing) on the phone with the ex about why your teenage daughter isn't talking to you. Talking with the ex is like talking to a Clinton, and no, not the charming part. I'll leave it at that.

Rosemary-Lemon No-Knead Bread: (Willams and Sonoma by the way of Sullivan Street Bakery and Mark Bittman The Secret of Bread Bread: Let Time Do The Work The New York Times, Nov. 8, 2006)

3 cups all-purpose flour

1/4 tsp. active dry yeast

1 3/4 salt

2 tsp. chopped rosemary

2 tsp. chopped lemon zest

cornmeal as needed

In large bowl, combine flour, yeast, salt, rosemary, and zest. Add 1 5/8 cups water: stir until blended (dough will be shaggy and sticky). Cover with plastic wrap. Let dough rest at warm room temperature, until surface is dotted with bubbles. About 12-18 hours. Place dough on lightly floured surface. Sprinkle dough with flour; fold dough over onto itself once or twice. Cover loosely with plastic wrap; let rest for 15 minutes.

Using very little flour, gently and quickly shape dough into a ball. Generously coat smooth cotton towel with cornmeal. Put dough, seam side down, on towel; dust with more flour or cornmeal. Cover with another towel; let rise until dough is more than double in size and does not readily spring back when poked with a finger, about 2 hours.

At least 30 minutes before dough is ready, put 2 3/4 qt. cast iron pot into the oven; preheat oven to 450 degrees. Remove pot from oven. Slide hand under towel; turn over, seam side up into pot; it's okay if it looks messy. Cover with lid, bake for 30 minutes. Uncover; bake until loaf is browned, 15-30 minutes more. Set pot on wire rack and let cool for 10 minutes. Using oven mitts, turn pot on side; gently turn bread. It will release easily.

Okay... first of all Williams and Sonoma uses too many damn semi-colons. Other than that, this was a good bread. I was worried that I would taste too much of the lemon and rosemary, but that wasn't the case. It was, I guess for lack of a better word or a thesaurus, gently and pleasantly flavored with lemon. Because I live in an igloo, I didn't get that great of a rise and I also didn't have a 2 3/4 qt cast iron pot. I have a 5 1/2 quart pot, so the bread did more spreading than rising up on the walls of the pot while baking. If you understood what I meant, we must be friends or I'm getting better at this writing thing they call blogging. Anyways, I like this bread and I am going to make it again tonight to see if I can get a better result and a better picture.

The Genius of R. Kelly and Weird Al...

Any of you who don't have kids but really, really, want them. Think twice.

This is being sung at my house for the last two days. NON- STOP! Start it about the 9:20 mark. I just wanted to share my pain. Call it ECM's birth control, if you'd like.

*Remember, if you watch this, you'll never get those 11 minutes back.

and this one too...

...and I've been hearing this on and off for over a year!

My mom...my mom...she gave me a dollar...

leftovers.... & a day in the life

On Saturday, I went to dinner at my sister Stacey's apartment. On the phone she had mentioned she found a blue print for a cake that her husband, my brother in law Bill, was making for my birthday. I call it Kill Bill cake. Because, Good Lord, that man is trying to kill me. The cake had three brownie layers, separated by German chocolate frosting, then the outside of the cake was covered in a chocolate frosting. He didn't get a chance to make a raspberry or white chocolate filling and quite frankly, I'm glad he didn't because they would have had to roll me out their door. That cake was rich, dense, and because the layers were brownies the edge of the cake had some of the crunchies. And not in a bad way.

Now we, as an entire family, want to have a little mini 'who can bake the richest cake contest.' There would be a whole strategy aspect to this competition. I would want to serve my cake last. I figure after sampling a few cakes they would take a bite of mine and say I'm full, I can't take another bite. Therefore I would win. Bwahahahahahahah!

I need to know something... I have made lists for dinner parties. You know the list of ingredients/what order I need to cook everything lists. I have never made a blue print. 'Fess up, have you ever made a blue print of dinner or dessert?



Lunch Time:

Remember when ibKid guest posted her Not Only Tasty Looking but Tasty Tasting Salad recipe. Not to be outdone, I add some beautiful tangerines to the mix to bring it up to a whole new level. This salad makes me think I could go vegetarian.

Dinner Time:

I think I figured out my chili blend mix. I have tried it out twice now and I'm really pleased with the results. This time I took the suggestion of Mr. Orph and used it as a rub on some chicken. It was good. I mean really good. Now, I have to send the spice mixture off to Mr. Orph, to let him try it and get an unbiased opinion. I'd like to send it off to one or two more people to get their opinion also. If you'd like to try some, send me an email with your name and address before Friday so I can go to the post office in one trip.

Oh yeah, if you want to know, dinner was grilled chicken with the chili rub, black beans, and rice.

Not A Recipe For A Dutch Baby

Remember my lovely birthday post when I didn't purchase anything from Williams and Sonoma but Rich did. Seriously, what is a matter with me? Nothing from Williams and Sonoma?

Rich bought their Organic Dutch Baby German Pancake Mix. Well, I actually I bought it with the promise I'd make it. Again, what's the matter with me? Sure, I'll buy you a ten dollar pancake mix and make it.


Not. Smart.

Pay attention to the picture of the Dutch Baby on the package. Golden yellow, fluffy, and most importantly even.



Lemons to squeeze over the Dutch Baby.

Some strawberries also.....

Hmmmm... why doesn't my baby look like the baby on the package? Mine looks like it spent too much time in a Mystic Tanning booth and has a skin condition. Doesn't matter I, like any momma, still love my baby no matter what. My baby smelled and tasted great.

just for a few more minutes...

It is quite this morning. The sunroom doors are open and a cup of tea beside me at my desk. I can hear the finches chirping, doves cooing back and forth to each other and the faint sounds of Tom and Jerry on the television. It's peaceful. The true definition of a lazy Sunday. I want to sit back and relax but I keep looking at the clock, wishing it wouldn't keep ticking away the seconds. Part of me is waiting to see when the day really starts. When Drew and Nancy start fighting, when Katie asks for ride somewhere, when Will cracks his first joke. That's when I know the day has begun. Right now, I can only savior this because it doesn't happen often and hope that time stays lazy. Just for a few more minutes.

Much Better Than Birthday Cake!

Hey Dear Readers, I just wanted to say thank you for the nice comments. No, the little sous chefs didn't cook me dinner. You woulda thunk I raised them better, but nope, I didn't. I have totally failed as a mom. You'll see why.

Warning: This post contains questionable parenting skills, bad manners, ECM not acting on her best behavior (The Man says jack-ass and he's right), and other stuff.

About a month ago, we were looking online to see if the S.F. Giants were playing on my birthday, and if they were, maybe, just maybe, buy some tickets for all six of us. Well, the Giants were playing on the 10th, but I told my husband hold up buying the tickets. We don't know the boys baseball schedule. Blah Blah Blah.

Two weeks ago, I was talking to Coach M about the boys baseball schedule and he informed me that although he wasn't sure, he thought they had a game. Scratch that... no Giants game. Then we got the boy's schedule and no game on the 10th. Game on, Wayne!

Rich and I talked to the kids about playing hookie from school on my birthday and we'll make a day of it. Sleep in, go out to breakfast or lunch, head to San Francisco, walk around, and then head to the game. My kids didn't want to miss school. WTF?! If my parents asked if I wanted to miss school, I would have been all over that. But no, my kids want to go to school. So then, we talk about picking them up early from class but Katie informs us she has theatre rehearsals for high school and our local theatre company. Game off Garth!

Wednesday the 9th, Rich asks me what I want for my birthday. I tell him I am almost out of Philosophy Amazing Grace lotion and I like to get another bottle but that means a 45 minute drive if there is no traffic and then we have to go to Sephora. "You know, a makeup store." I tell him. Rich says okay.

The 10th. We go fill up the car with gas at Safeway and because Safeway has a Starbucks we go get some of that. First mistake. See, they lure you in with the promise of Starbucks but it's really not. Every time I have got a frappuccino/mocha/hot chocolate/iced tea from there it's not good. How can you mess up iced tea?

We get down to Pleasanton, get to Sephora, stand in line with my stuff, give her my beauty rewards card to get my free birthday sample and.... she gets on her little Madonna microphone headset and announces that we have a birthday girl here.

Please, please, please, don't do that because I start blushing a furious red color. Then she promptly gives me skin care samples. Now I just want to yell at her. "What is my skin that bad? I'd rather have a few perfume samples." but so far I'm on my best behavior until... I pull out my check book and I've written my last check four days ago and never replaced them with a new book. So now I'm tripled embarrassed and want to get the hell out of there and never come back. (for the record, my husband and I have paid off all our credit cards and closed our accounts. Pulling out a credit card to pay is not an option.)

We leave Sephora. I just want to leave. Period. But Rich says let's find an ATM and go back and get it. We do go to an ATM but only after a quick spat. Me, going on about how I don't want go back, about how this isn't fun. Rich, being patient, saying it's okay, it's only a checkbook, this stuff happens all the time.

We go back to Sephora and get my lotion only after the makeup lady puts in even more samples then the first time and give me some extra freebies. To make me feel even more embarrassed, dumb, and like I have horrible skin. (Yes, I know she was being nice. Yes, I am going to the doctor on Tuesday because I think I have roseca and not adult acne. If that's the case, no amount of expensive skin samples are going to help me. So please stop putting them in there, I feel like a freak already.)

Then we go to Williams and Sonoma and I don't buy a single thing. Well, I didn't, Rich bought something for himself but that's for a later post. I saw some nice stuff but I just wasn't in the mood, if you know what I mean.

On the way home (thank god!)... Rich said instead of birthday cake we are going to get crêpes at Taste of Brittany. The man truely knows me because that was the best news I had heard all day.

I cooked the kids a light dinner of eggs over easy on toast with wilted spinach and grilled tomatoes so we could pig out on crepes. I had a crêpe à la Pomme and Rich and the kids had Crêpe Banana Splits.

The crêpes made up for the whole day and I think I want those instead of birthday cake from now on.



I started this post at 7:00 AM and am now just finishing at 11:00PM. This is how the last couple days have been around here. UGH!

I wanted to throw this out there...Rich says he's the only guy he knows who never gets in trouble for buying his wife kitchen stuff. It's true.

A Very Merry Unbirthday... To Who? To Me!

Thirty four years ago at 4:37 AM, Evil Chef Mom was unleashed onto the world and it never has been the same!

Ten April 10th facts:

1. It is normally the 100th day of the year except on leap year when it's the 101. I like the symmetry in that.

2. The first Arbor day was celebrated on April 10th in Nebraska 1874. I live in a town that's part of Tree City USA.

3. Titanic set sail on this day and we all know what happened.

4. The PGA was started April 10, 1916. I hate golf but my husband swears I'm good at it.

5. Cosimo di Giovanni de' Medici was born in 1389. Which is funny because my mom swore if I was a boy she was going to call me Cosmo because she didn't like the name my father was going to bestow on me.

6. John Madden was born in 1936. He's John Madden...enough said!

7. David Halberstram was born in 1934. He is one of my favorite authors.

8. The lady who sings that song... I'm walking on sunshine... yeah, her birthday's today.

9. The great poet Dante died on April 10th.

10. Sam Kinison also died on April 10th. I'm not sure if he's a great poet, but I do remember him as a great yeller.

Here's one to grow on...

On this day in 1947, Brooklyn Dodgers president Branch Rickey announced he had purchased the contract of Jackie Robinson from the Montreal Royals.

*I just found out Big Ben's (you know the clock in London) yeah, it's birthday is today also. He's a 150 years old. Cool Beans!

The Staff of Life

Sing-a-long: {Use the melody from The Fact of Life}

You take the good
You take the bad
You take them both and there you have the staff of life.
The staff of life.

There's a time you gotta go and show
You're growin' now
You know about the staff of life.
The staff of life


Who are you? Are you Jo, Blair, Trudy, Natalie or are you, Mrs. Garrison? I want to be the one who George Clooney was in love with while he was on the show. I thought he was cute then and I still do now. Can you tell I like my men tall, dark, and handsome. Clooney and Bourdain. Yummy.

Hey! Wait a second, I just realized something.... I MADE BREAD! Holy Crap! I made bread!

Stop shaking your head like it's no big deal. People have beheaded kings and over thrown governments because there was no bread to be had. So yeah, I am a little proud of myself. This is a big deal for me.

This is happens when you have a sick sous chef at home. I didn't want to clean the house until everyone has been sick and it can be aired out and totally disinfected and I didn't want to fold all the laundry sitting on the couch. I procrastinated and made bread while singing The Staff of Life and daydreaming about Clooney and Bourdain.

Cheesy Braid Loaf:

(Heaven is Chocolate, Cheese and Carbs who adapted the recipe from Cookie Baker Lynn)

1 1/4 teaspoon instant yeast

3/4 cup warm water

1 tablespoon sugar

1 teaspoon salt

3 eggs

1/2 cup butter, softened

3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, divided

6 oz gruyere cheese, shredded (I used a sharp white cheddar)

vegetable oil

In a large bowl, whisk the yeast into 2 cups of the flour, then mix in the water, sugar, eggs and butter. Mix well with your hands to make sure all the butter is blended in well, then mix in the salt and as much of the remaining flour is needed to make a very soft, pliable dough. Turn dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead for a few minutes until smooth and elastic. Form into a ball and place in a greased bowl, lightly greasing the top. Cover and let rise for 2 hours, or until doubled.

Punch the dough down lightly, dump out onto your work surface, form into a rectangle then spread most of the cheese on top. Fold into thirds like a letter a spread more cheese on top. Repeat until you have used all the cheese then knead the dough to work the cheese into it evenly.

Preheat the oven to 375F.

Divide the dough into thirds and roll each segment into a rope, about 1/2 thick, 15 inches wide. Place each of the ropes on a sheet of parchment paper and braid lightly, being careful not to stretch. Pinch and tuck each end under, brush lightly with oil, cover and let rise another hour or so, until doubled.

Carefully transfer the dough and parchment to a cookie sheet and stick in the oven for 5-10 minutes, turn and bake for another 20 minutes until golden brown and a thermometer inserted inside reads 200F. If your loaf is browning too quickly cover loosely with aluminum foil and continue baking until done.

One of my main concerns anytime I make anything with yeast is that my house is chilly. For example, it's about 75 degrees outside today and in my house it's 60 degrees. It's pretty obvious that yeast doesn't proof well in my house. What I have learned to do is set the dough in my sun room where it's nice and warm then I get a good proof. Easy, right? I set the bowl down and covered it with a towel and walked away. Then I heard Roxy, my Christmas Ham/cylinder with legs dog, eating. You would think Roxy is a big ol' dog the way she eats. Snorting, slurping, licking. Gross. I turn to hush her up and lo and behold she's in the dough! I cut off the dough that she chewed on and put the bowl out of her reach.

Everyone liked this bread. The kids said it has a texture almost like a croissant. Roxy said it was buttery and savory. I agree. I'm sure if George and Tony were here they'd say the same thing.

leftovers...

One of the first posts I read on White On Rice's blog was about the art of spicing. I had been messing around in the kitchen, half-assed, trying to make some chili powder until I read that post. By Jove, I think I've got it. But before I share, I really have to use it in something. I am so excited I just wanted to share the picture.

These are my little tangerine jewels. I have one of these little guys sitting here with me right now.

"get me naked and eat me right now" he keeps whispering to me...

Mmmmm...amazingly sweet, not at all what you think these little fruits would taste like.

On to the homemade granola... I have made this granola four times in, what, two-three weeks? Even the littlest sous chef, Nanny Goat, made it. If you have twenty five minutes, make this recipe. This takes less time then going to the grocery store, fighting the crowds, hearing crying kid screaming about 'Why can't I have the bouncy ball and the Red Bull drink. Pleeeeeease Mooooommmmeeeeee!', standing in line behind the the little old man paying in change, finally paying for your box of granola, then driving home remembering halfway there you forgot some milk and a box of tampons. Just make the granola already.

Homemade Granola:(inspired by Orangette)

3 cups rolled oats

1/2 cup raw almonds, chopped

1/2 cup sweetened shredded coconut (Orangette's recipe calls for unsweetened coconut but I could not find it anywhere)

2 tablespoons granulated sugar

A big pinch of salt

4 tablespoons of honey (Orangette's recipe calls for 6 tbls. but because we had sweetened coconut 4 tbls. worked well. But if you want it sweet, add the 6 tbls. honey plus the sweetened coconut. We did it this way once with mixed results. Some people loved it, others complained)

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

1/2 cup, or more, finely chopped bittersweet chocolate (I have omitted this and added 6 ounces of dried cranberries. Some dried dates would be mind blowing-ly good. Add what you would like.)

Preheat the oven to 300 degrees F.

In a large bowl combine the oats, almonds, coconut, sugar, and salt. Stir well.

In a small sauce pan warn the honey and oil over low heat, whisking occasionally, until honey is loose.

*note: if you want a really crunchy granola do this. If you want it a little bit softer just pour the honey and oil straight into the oat mixture.

Spread the mixture evenly on a rimmed baking sheet. Bake for about twenty minutes, or until golden. Halfway through the baking time give the granola a stir, to help cook evenly. Remove the pan from oven and stir again. When completely cool, add the chocolate. Transfer to a airtight container.

Death Watch 2008

Da...Da...Dummmm... look at that title. Look at me being all melodramatic. Any of my readers with kids know, once one of them gets sick the countdown is on to see how fast they can infect the rest of the population. Right now Sous Chef Drew is down and I'm waiting for the trifecta of Will, Goat, and the Man. Will is the worst because he rarely gets sick but when he does it ends in pneumonia. Enough about the impending doom of Evil Chef Mom's family. Let's talk about food.

One of the best things about living here in Stockton is all the ethnic stores. I want to copy becoming a foodie's idea of taking twenty dollars and just picking up some food at some ethnic store. She went to Whole Paycheck (i.e. Whole Foods). I'm thinking I want to be a little more adventurous. So what do you guys think? Where should I go first? Take my poll up in the right hand corner.

Back to what I was writing about, ahhhh the stores. La Sierra is my favorite Mexican market. On the weekends, there is a little old man wearing a straw cowboy hat out grilling chickens and beef and peppers. The smell is unbelievably good and he knows it. He'll start flirting with you, waving his smoky good scent your way to tempt you into ruining your dinner. Oh man, my mouth is watering just thinking about it.

When you walk into La Sierra it's dim and cool. You can smell the spices in the air and a little vinegar, too. Hanging down from the ceiling there are piñatas and on the walls there are beer and footbol posters. In the refrigerator cases, there are homemade salsas, guacamole, and tamales for sale, but that's not the best part. The best part is their carne asada that's already marinated in spices, onions, and peppers.

This dinner is very easy. Grill the carne asada until done. Mine was done in four minutes on a really hot grill. La Sierra's carne asada is very thin and cooks fast. So watch out! There is nothing worse than eating tough steak in a taco. Watch this season of Top Chef when Rick Bayless was on. It wasn't pretty, folks. It's also bad to not warm up your corn tortillas on the grill. Matter of fact, I consider it a culinary sin!

What to add to your carne asada tacos:

If we are going to keep it old school and traditional:

chopped white onions

chopped cilantro

lime juice

maybe some pickled jalapenos and chopped radishes

If you are The Man:

also add some guacamole. and cheese. and sour cream.

Have I mentioned he's the whitest Mexican I know?

If you have to add cheese find some cojita and don't use sour cream use some crema fresca. You are only allowed to use cheese and sour cream if there isn't a Mexican market in your town. Trust me, I will know if you didn't go. I will smell the guilt through the computer screen.

Say Hello To My Little Friend(s)!

I haven't seen my little friends for over a year and a half. Now that they have been here for three days I wish they would leave already. They are helpful and all but I still resent them being here. Oops, I've been rude and forgotten my manners. Let me introduce you...

Up top, you have Vicky... Vicky is, well, off putting. Not many people understand her. She's a take charge kind of gal. Strong, bold, the General Patton of the bunch. Loud and obnoxious but she tends to clear the way for you. I'm glad to have her as a friend. She 'announces my presence with authority.' If you guys know what movie that quotes is from without IMDBing it. I'll give you a prize, seriously. And it's not South Park.

On the right, you have Vicky's brother. Vick, otherwise known as NyQuil. I don't like NyQuil, he tastes awful and he's a liar. If you ever hear him talk about sleeping like a baby or sleep so you can rest medicine, he is straight up lying. All he does is gives me nightmares.

On top of NyQuil is ShotGlass. She's a no nonsense type gal, short and to the point. S.G. normally hangs with a tough crowd, some Russian gangster dude named Smirnoff and a guy called Señor Patron. She is attracted to bad guys. When you see her appear at parties you know some serious shit is about to go down.

Then, there is Northern. He is the step-brother of Kleenex and Puff. While I like Kleenex and Puff, they are a tad bit sheltered and spoiled. They live in a box only wanting to come out when someone is running away. Now Northern, on the other hand, will do anything. He cleans up the shit without complaining. Strong and silent, that's the man for me.


Then there's Book. Silent and comforting, a true friend. Problem is, in my drug induced haze I didn't understand a word she said.

RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!

I wish this damn cold would 'respect my authoritahhhhhtahhhh!'

Breakfast

Sourdough toast with peanut butter, fresh strawberries, and a drizzle of honey.

...but you haven't posted anything good!

"Mooooom! You haven't posted for like two days." Katie yells.

"I posted on Monday night." I said.

"Yeah, but you haven't posted anything good."

Ouch!

Ah, the joys of having a teenage daughter as your most faithful reader. It's not like I haven't been busy. You know with things like... baseball practices, hunting down wind breakers and getting quotes on embroidery for said jackets, doctors and orthodontics appointments, adjusting to The Man's new work schedule (6am - 6 pm, if you must know), picking up the kids from school and various after school functions, going on field trips, and cooking dinner for all those numskulls who said I haven't posted anything good, lately. Nah, I'm not busy at all.

So... let's do something different. Tell me about yourself using my handy dandy questionnaire.

1. Beatles or Stones? Led Zeppelin

2. Favorite Color: Orange

3. Porn Name (use the name of the street you lived on as a child and the name of your first pet) Christina Shane, I think I have a great old school porn name.

4. Sweet or Savory? Savory, though you wouldn't know it by looking at this blog lately.

5.Favorite Food? Cherries

6.What would be your superpower? I'm torn on this one because I'd love to fly but I sure think it would be fun to be invisible.

7. Who would win in a cage match, Rachael Ray or Sandra Lee? And no, you can't wish that both of them would die!

Okay, dear readers, stop lurking and comment. Let's prove my daughter wrong and give her something interesting to read!

Lemon Porn!

A couple of months ago my next door neighbor, Sam, you know her as Goop told me she has the best lemons in her backyard. The cynic in me thought, 'yeah, right!' but the hopeful part of me was really excited. Then, a few weeks ago, I went to her house for a few drinks and on the counter were some sliced up lemons for our cocktails. I had to taste these, so called, best lemons ever. Lo and behold, they were good. No, rewind that, they were great. These lemons taste like what you expect a lemon to taste like. Bright, fresh, and tart. Not bitter or like furniture polish. Sam graciously said we could help ourselves anytime we wanted lemons. Well, when Sam told me that, lots of lemon recipes wandered around my little lemon brain and all I kept obsessing about was lemon bars.

Lemon Bars:(Ina Garten/Smitten Kitchen)

Crust:

1/2 pound unsalted butter, at room temperature

1/2 cup granulated sugar

2 cups flour

1/8 teaspoon kosher salt

Filling:

6 extra-large eggs at room temperature

3 cups granulated sugar

2 tablespoons grated lemon zest (4 to 6 lemons)

1 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice

1 cup flour

Confectioners' sugar, for dusting

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. For the crust, cream the butter and sugar until light in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Combine the flour and salt and, with the mixer on low, add to the butter until just mixed. Dump the dough onto a well-floured board and gather into a ball. Flatten the dough with floured hands and press it into a 9 by 13 by 2-inch baking sheet, building up a 1/2-inch edge on all sides. Chill.

Bake the crust for 15 to 20 minutes, until very lightly browned. Let cool on a wire rack. Leave the oven on. For the filling, whisk together the eggs, sugar, lemon zest, lemon juice, and flour. Pour over the crust and bake for 30 to 35 minutes, until the filling is set. Let cool to room temperature. Cut into triangles and dust with confectioners' sugar.

NSFW: Food Porn... luscious, sweet, gooey, tart, rich...how many more adjectives can I use? I'm sure I can use more but as they say a picture is worth a thousand words....

Hey! Stop licking the computer screen, your co-workers and family members are looking at you strangely.