11/19/08

thoughts at 1 in the morning...

hospital time is stretchy... it's like cotton candy... fuzzy, no beginning or end... bitterly sweet, dissolves, leaves you feeling empty.

doctors are obtuse... i'm sure they need to be... who in the hell knows what is actually wrong with my grandmother... stroke? congestive heart failure? she's awfully disorientated, feisty, wants to walk, but all the tubes keep her close to the bed. she's not blue, she's not cold, matter of fact she complained she's hot. she doesn't remember that's she's in the hospital, she wants to take a shower... that doesn't look like failure to me that looks like a stroke but i didn't pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to have letters behind my name and i'm just the granddaughter so what in the hell do i know??? very frustrating.

hospital foods sucks... my mom asks if i'm going to blog about it...funnily enough, no... except grandma wants a piece of pizza but she wants to order it. we can't buy it for her, she wants to feed us. once a mom, always a mom. i go down stairs to the cafeteria and buy her a large piece of a cheese pizza. blatantly sneak it up stairs. she's in her 80's, if she wants a piece of pizza, she can damn well have a piece of pizza. she ate pretty much all of it. to hell with her no sodium diet... just for today.

don't get old, she tells my brother...

the best part of getting old is not being able to hear everything, she tells my mom...

the woman in the next bed is famous... wants chocolate... wants someone to tell her where she is... the nurses have their hands full with her... nurses have the hardest job in the world.

today at ten is an mri... maybe a good night's sleep will help reboot her brain and she'll be better, that's my inner child thinking... the very adult side of my brain says this is permanent...

i helped but on my grandma's socks this afternoon... it's funny how roles switch... how many times did she do that for her four kids and her 12 grandchildren? i feel very much like an adult now... there's no turning back...

did i mention how hospital time is stretchy?

35 comments:

Philly said...

It sucks getting old. No matter how rich or poor you are, we all end up old and in need of help.

Hope your Grandma is doing better.

#1

Lisa said...

I miss my Gram. She's still here but she's not, if you know what I mean.

Mental P Mama said...

I am sending good thoughts. It's the hardest job in the world being a caregiver.

Kristin said...

Crap. Sorry, Krysta. I hope the hospital time ends up being short, even if it does feel stretchy.

Cheryl said...

Sorry to hear about your G MA, but if she is like you she will bounce herself right back! good thoughts to all of you!

KitchenKiki said...

Good thoughts are with you. I hope you find the peace & strength to help you help her!

Tanya said...

Krysta, my thoughts are with you during this time. I know how hard this is as I just lost my grandfather a few weeks ago and I'll never forget how my parents had to take care of him those last years.

I have this photo saved on my computer that I got from my mom. It's of my dad shaving my grandfather's face. It was from last year and I'm not sure why I wanted that photo, but it reminds me of what you said - how the child becomes the parent.

Take care and I hope things get better.

Kristy - Where's My Damn Answer said...

I've often thought it interesting that life starts off with us being helpless and sometimes ends up in the same spot.

I hope that things get better for her and that the reboot went ok.

Lisa said...

you're in my thoughts too, krysta

melissa said...

Hospital time is totally stretchy.

I smiled that you got her the piece of pizza. To hell with it.

Thinking about you woman. I'm sorry. Being a grownup sucks, yeah?

Love you~

Mayberry Magpie said...

I've just spent two weeks at the hospital with my mom and it feels like two months. Or two years. Or two lifetimes.

So sorry to hear about your grandmum. Thinking of you.

katie said...

I am so sorry, krysta. I always feel so helpless when my grown-ups get sick and frail. I hate it. Best wishes for your family.

Caroline said...

Oh Krysta, I am so sorry to hear this. I have been through this and it's exhausting...and sobering! Many blessings to you and your family.

She Who said...

Krysta, My prayers are with you and your family. It is so hard to go through times like these. Be there for your Grandma. You will always be glad that you did. I know, I am.

Fishin' Mama said...

When you have lived a full life like your grandmother she deserves to eat and drink whatever she wants.
When my grandmother was 93, she was in good health but wanted ice cream for dinner every night....why not? What the heck is it going to do to her at this point...but make her a very happy old lady.
My thoughts are with you...

asthmagirl said...

I'm so sorry.... It's so hard to watch your grandparents decline.

You and your family will be in my thoughts...

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

Bless your heart, many good thoughts coming your way for you and your grandmother. :o)

Mama Goose said...

I'm sorry for what you all are dealing with now, and sending good thoughts that she will recover quickly.

SaintTigerlily said...

Hugs.

Snooty Primadona said...

I'm so sorry to hear this current development. Mr. Snoots & I have had more than our fair share of hospital time w/ those we loved and it is completely draining.

You did make me giggle about the pizza. We used to do the same kind of things. Hey, they are old & they can have what the hell they want, once in a while.

I must admit I did not care for the role switching at first but then it all became gestures of pure love & adoration.

Hang in there Krysta...

Magpie said...

Oh, sorry about your grandmother.

noble pig said...

Oh no poor grams. I hope there are answers today. Good for you with the pizza, she deserved it.

xoch said...

So sorry to hear about you gran, my thoughts are with you both. I hope you get some answers today.
XOXOXO

Verivaine said...

I personally have no intention of aging....no...don't even ask how the hell I plan to pull it off...just watch...cause I will.

Take care of yourself

Mrs. L said...

Big Big hugs sweetie.

Aggie said...

Hugs...hang in there.

Sandy said...

Been there, done that, girl. W/gma's and my mom!
Hang in there! (yes, yukky food, esp. compared to OUR cooking! LOL) ♥

phillygirl64 said...

I thought I had already replied, but I guess I never hit submit...

I went through some of this when Mom was in the hospital last year

{hugs across the country}

giz said...

It really truly does suck to get old. Unfortunately the options aren't that great and the alternative -- well...not so good. If gramma wants pizza - let her have it. Let them give her a little lasix for the fluid retention.
Good luck with gramma - you're lucky to still have her.

ntsc said...

I've been there, but I was the one in the bed. I had to change hospitals, against medical advice, to find somebody who would look at the stroke symptoms. As my Doctor said, of course your heart beat was irregular you were scared to death.

She could also be a lot more in there than she shows. I could think quite clearly, but couldn't connect real well with my mouth, and the fact the muscles on my whole right side didn't work real well, like not at all.

Two weeks later I walked out of that hospital. I did have to return for brain surgery several months later. 20+ years later nothing shows unless I'm very tired in which case both the mind not connecting to speech properly (there is a word for this, but I no longer recall it) and my right foot drags a bit. Think Igor.

If they keep her on low/no sodium ask if you can bring in spices and herbs for her food. My wife ended up bringing in about 20, which meant I got a steady stream of residents and nurses (and the nurses were great) wanting to pinch of pinch of this or that.

Sarah said...

Oh Krysta, I am so sorry. My heart goes to you and your family and my thoughts will be with you all this week.

jennyonthespot said...

Honey, honey honey... My thoughts are with you... prayers too.

dlyn said...

Sending up some prayers for you guys Krysta - we are going through the same stuff with my father in law right now and it is very stressful not knowing what is going on.

dlyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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