I've got NOTHING!

Seriously folks, I've got nuthin'. I ain't got shit. Do you know how freeing it is to type those words? Right now I'm bouncing in my chair with delight, a choir of angles singing and a beam of light is shining down brilliantly on my glowing and happy self. See, once upon a time ago I had a stepmomster, who hated kids, betrayed my trust more than once (seriously, she asked me a question and said she wouldn't tell my dad, I told her, she then told my dad (bitch) , got spanked with a branch on the front porch with my bare ass to the world. Gotta love my pops. Hmmm, and people wonder why I have trust issues.) and the most dreadful of all... an English major. So the sentence, I've got nothing, is very freeing because it breaks all the laws. Come and get me, English Police... Neer, Neer, I'm waiiiiiting.

Why do I not have anything to write about?

Because I don't like corn chowder! Let me explain, for years the conversation has gone something like this...

"Hey woman! Get into the kitchen and make me some corn chowder." Rich tells me.

"First of all I'm my own damn woman. Second, NO! just because you spoke to me that way. Third, NO! because well, NO! I hate corn off the cob. And make your own, damn it!" I tell him.

And on and on it goes. After 14 years of togetherness, I caved. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Does this mean, I'm one stubborn mother- shut yo' mouth or does this mean, I'm weak? It's a conundrum.

I made sweet corn and potato chowder and I hated it. The kids liked it, Rich loved it like a pig in shit, but me? It left me feeling ehhhhhh. Good not great, too sweet, not good enough for this blog. So that leaves me with nuthin'.

Five Steps of A Political Junkie:

1. Excitement: Oh yes, you know this feeling too well, don't you? This is how they get you hooked, my friend. Excitement for your candidate. Excitement for the preliminary process. The 10 men entering the ring and only one comes out alive process. A little dirty but otherwise intact and ready for the main bout. (what's with me and the Thunderdome references lately?)

2. The Seriousness: Again, you know all about The Seriousness, also known as the training montage in movies. The watching of t.v. stations, the devouring of newspapers and magazines, hours spent reading political blogs. Knowing both your candidate and the enemies voting record and stances on issues...verbatim. You are scarily prepared.

3. Anger and Insults: This is when it becomes an addiction instead of being a well informed citizen. Did you throw things at the t.v. during the debate? Yes, you are addicted. Anger comes in many forms but mostly yelling. Yelling at your own candidate? Yelling at the pundits on t.v.? Are your children calling each other politician's names instead of butthead or moron*? Then you have a problem. It's okay, I've been there I can help.

4. Resignation: You are starting to recover from the political addiction when you feel a weird wave of calm wash over you. All you want is for a politician, even your own, to answer a question, any question straightforwardly.

5. Acceptance: Or maybe it's just fatigue. No one is going to answer a question because it's too risky. Maybe things will change, maybe they won't. Who knows?

*All I know is my husband and I have a problem so serious that it affects my kids. They were calling each other names. No, not the normal... you're an idiot, butthead, moron. My kids were calling each other politician names as insults. Democrats and Republicans alike, obscure and nationally known. It ended in tears when someone told someone else they were [fill in the blank and it's not who you think it is] and that one came to me in tears, telling me they were so not that person and 'Mooooommmm, you have to tell them to stooooooppppp.'

There is only one way to beat this addiction. You have to wait it out. 26 more days before you go cold turkey. Twenty. Six. Long. Days. Shall we pray? Because I need all the help I can get.


Cheryl said...

You be damned funny. I am always waiting with bated breath to see what you will be upto next!

Mary Beth said...

I know the junkie feeling, only in our house, we're addicted to baseball. So in a few weeks, we have to live without for 5 WHOLE MONTHS, waiting desperately for little tidbits that are dropped over the winter. Even though our team didn't make it to the playoffs, we're still routing for the next best.

Mental P Mama said...

Foe someone with nuthin', you sure had a lot. 26 days and counting. You betcha.

Rebecca (Foodie With Family) said...

We're addicted to baseball AND politics. We're in trouble... So you'll hear politicians names flung around here with the names of Yankees players as insults. One of the favorites epithets around here combines historical politics AND the Yankees. 'Johnny Benedict Arnold Damon' is close to the worst thing you can call someone around here other than 'Hannah Montana'.

Anne Stesney said...

I thought I was exhausted but I realize I'm in acceptance. It's a lot easier since my candidate's ahead in the polls.

Sharon said...

Pray tell, who is the "fill in the blank?" Love your stories, you're cracking me up!

Terri said...

Funny stuff... I'm between #3 and #4, but still yelling at the t.v.

Aggie said...

I was in #3 earlier this week but I think I might be headed to #4...we'll see.

You crack me up girl! :)

Mayberry Magpie said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE corn chowder. I'm so sorry you don't. I've never made it because I'm not so good at the creme soups. Made lobster bisque once and it was, eh, at best. Especially since it was an all-day production.

Passionate About Baking said...

Oh you are hysterical ECM...love the new header!!

noble pig said...

Ummm, so you got nuthin? Well, I hate to see it here when you get somethin'. I would say that was pretty prolific.

And where's the corn chowdy...is that your potato ho.

melissa said...

I've always wanted to make corn chowder. I have a feeling I'd love it more than Steve. But I know how you feel about the bursty vegetables, soooo... yeah. Sorry 'bout that. :)

Honestly, it's pretty funny to me that you guys are so involved in politics that your kids are picking up on it so strongly. My household was much more reserved about that topic (and I mean even when I was a kid) so it seems amusing to me for some reason.

Had a silly dream about you last night. I'm "gone fishin" this weekend, but would love to talk upon return. Hope you are doing great, honey, with your plans to take over the world. :)

Krysta said...

*terri... i hope you get this comment! i tried to comment on your site but my computer is being an asshole. i have a whole other post about screaming at the tv during the debate... saying answer the fuc*ing question... i just wanted to wait until the last debate!

ntsc said...

I'm with you, I don't like corn chowder, nor do I like corn in pancakes. My wife who likes both does most of the cooking.

On the other hand, I don't think she likes oxtails and I know she doesn't like Brussle sprouts and she does both for me.

On politics, neither of us is even close to right wing. The last Republican I voted for was John B Anderson.

Kristin said...

I'm planning on staying in a potato-induced coma until November . . .

The Yummy Mummy said...

Wow! You said you had nothin'. That's alot of stuff for a woman who has nothin' to say.

You go, girl! Your politcially-addicted ass rocks!

Kristy - Where's My Damn Answer said...

OMG this morning I was going to write a post and SERIOUSLY I deleted my title and topic FOUR times. I almost just posted ... "CRAP" but thought people might be alarmed and not really realize that "CRAP" was all I could muster that summarized it.

So instead - just announcement of the "What's YOUR Question?" section. Maybe I need to get out of my cave today so I have SOMETHING to talk about besides making jewelry, drinking wine and/or bitching about my raging hormones!!

Snooty Primadona said...

Frankly, I just don't want my candidate to say "My Friends" one more time during a presidential candidate debate, lol.

I'm not addicted though. I'm scared shitless, lol.

Damn! I wish I had so much when I have nothing to blog about.

Well said, My Friend, lol. (I had to say that)

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