Seriously folks, I've got nuthin'. I ain't got shit. Do you know how freeing it is to type those words? Right now I'm bouncing in my chair with delight, a choir of angles singing and a beam of light is shining down brilliantly on my glowing and happy self. See, once upon a time ago I had a stepmomster, who hated kids, betrayed my trust more than once (seriously, she asked me a question and said she wouldn't tell my dad, I told her, she then told my dad (bitch) , got spanked with a branch on the front porch with my bare ass to the world. Gotta love my pops. Hmmm, and people wonder why I have trust issues.) and the most dreadful of all... an English major. So the sentence, I've got nothing, is very freeing because it breaks all the laws. Come and get me, English Police... Neer, Neer, I'm waiiiiiting.
Why do I not have anything to write about?
Because I don't like corn chowder! Let me explain, for years the conversation has gone something like this...
"Hey woman! Get into the kitchen and make me some corn chowder." Rich tells me.
"First of all I'm my own damn woman. Second, NO! just because you spoke to me that way. Third, NO! because well, NO! I hate corn off the cob. And make your own, damn it!" I tell him.
And on and on it goes. After 14 years of togetherness, I caved. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Does this mean, I'm one stubborn mother- shut yo' mouth or does this mean, I'm weak? It's a conundrum.
I made sweet corn and potato chowder and I hated it. The kids liked it, Rich loved it like a pig in shit, but me? It left me feeling ehhhhhh. Good not great, too sweet, not good enough for this blog. So that leaves me with nuthin'.
Five Steps of A Political Junkie:
1. Excitement: Oh yes, you know this feeling too well, don't you? This is how they get you hooked, my friend. Excitement for your candidate. Excitement for the preliminary process. The 10 men entering the ring and only one comes out alive process. A little dirty but otherwise intact and ready for the main bout. (what's with me and the Thunderdome references lately?)
2. The Seriousness: Again, you know all about The Seriousness, also known as the training montage in movies. The watching of t.v. stations, the devouring of newspapers and magazines, hours spent reading political blogs. Knowing both your candidate and the enemies voting record and stances on issues...verbatim. You are scarily prepared.
3. Anger and Insults: This is when it becomes an addiction instead of being a well informed citizen. Did you throw things at the t.v. during the debate? Yes, you are addicted. Anger comes in many forms but mostly yelling. Yelling at your own candidate? Yelling at the pundits on t.v.? Are your children calling each other politician's names instead of butthead or moron*? Then you have a problem. It's okay, I've been there I can help.
4. Resignation: You are starting to recover from the political addiction when you feel a weird wave of calm wash over you. All you want is for a politician, even your own, to answer a question, any question straightforwardly.
5. Acceptance: Or maybe it's just fatigue. No one is going to answer a question because it's too risky. Maybe things will change, maybe they won't. Who knows?
*All I know is my husband and I have a problem so serious that it affects my kids. They were calling each other names. No, not the normal... you're an idiot, butthead, moron. My kids were calling each other politician names as insults. Democrats and Republicans alike, obscure and nationally known. It ended in tears when someone told someone else they were [fill in the blank and it's not who you think it is] and that one came to me in tears, telling me they were so not that person and 'Mooooommmm, you have to tell them to stooooooppppp.'
There is only one way to beat this addiction. You have to wait it out. 26 more days before you go cold turkey. Twenty. Six. Long. Days. Shall we pray? Because I need all the help I can get.
Posted by krysta at 8:49 AM