VIP {very important potato} Spa

Here at VIP {very important potato} Spa, we understand that being a ho is hard work. Let our spa pamper you and bring out the all your yummy beauty.

Our state of the art spa facilities.

Our famous 'warm room'

All of our Potat'ho's are tested monthly for orga-nic-sim-cy. They are also fully licenced in all of our top secret techniques.

Basic Services:

Scalloping*: Thinly sliced then you will be bathed in a luxurious cream sauce. This treatment will leave you relaxed and mouth watering-ly tender.... $80.

*gratin: $15.00 extra surcharge

Mashed: Let our world renowned masseuse Ricer or Mashed fluff you into oblivion. $75

w/ butter & cream massage... after you've been fluffed, let Rice or Mash use our specially handcrafted butters and creams to anoint you to your most yummy deliciousness. $40 extra surcharge

Roasted: Imagine being coated in the finest oils and gently rubbed with organic aromatics and then left to relax in our special 'warm room' to release all your stresses. $45

Hashed: This treatment will leave you feeling like just came back from a tropical vacation... golden and crispy. $45

Baked*: A Classic! One of our most well known treatments. We let you meditate in our special 'warm room' until you are fully fluffy [approx. one hour] and then you will be treated with our special handcrafted butters, sour creams, salt and pepper. $90

*chives and bacon bits extra... please see receptionist for details

Salad: For A Limited Time!!! Our most popular summer service... chilled and normally bathed in a mix of skin softening mayonnaise and aromatics. This treatment with leaving you feeling calm and ready to conquer the heat. $50

Also, we do offer a warm salad treatment for an extra $10. Imported dijon treatment $25

Fry: Crispy, golden, fluffy on the inside. This is our best and most expensive treatment but worth every penny! Known in the inner Hollywood elite services as the Fry Daddy Deluxe. This treatment requires 24 hour prior notice. $500

double dipping and extra crispy... are services provided by our experts and are can be very dangerous. This is a private transaction between your masseuse and you. Also you will be required to sign a waiver holding us not responsible for any wrong doing...i.e. burning or sogginess.

covered with cheese curds and gravy... well that's just sick! It's illegal and we are not that type of establishment. Some of our technicians will do this on their private time. Please ask discreetly.

Totally Tubular Transformations...

Sweetie Pie: This will leave you sweet and irresistible. $250

Gnocchi: Fluffy pillows of potato 'y' heaven. $300

Bread: One of most complex procedures. You will be transformed into something completely different. $350

Fingerlings: A simple and relaxing treatment to bring out your natural beauty. We anoint you in our finest oils then sprinkle a light coat of salt and pepper with a a touch of rosemary and garlic then wrap you in our famous shiny silver wrap to let you rest in our famous warm room for one hour while you let all your worries go. Once your are unwrapped, you will shine sweetly while not being dried out. You will leave our spa without a care in the world. $175

All potatoes are welcome! We are open every third Wednesday of the month. Locations and dates will vary. Check our website for details.


Alicia said...

Ha, Ha, Ha! I thought this was hilarious. I once helped create a spa brochure and it brought back all those memories. Love it!

Kristin @ Going Country said...

You crazy. I love it.

And I would totally go to this spa.

Melissa said...

Some of our technicians will do this on their private time. Please ask discreetly.



Anonymous said...

You R Brilliant.

Seriously, this was so creative, so perfect, soooooo Krysta. I loved it.

This is why you are the Ho.

Bowing down now.

Is someone paying you to be this creative?

Anonymous said...

Talk about food porn . . . that first photo is kitchen porn. I wet myself.

Caroline said...

Great post...so creative...

Lisa said...

Very funny......and what a gorgeous stove! I would seriously love to cook on that regularly.

MrOrph said...

Great post Krysta! I wish I had your creative juice!

KitchenKiki said...

I bow to your "Ho"lesome humor! That was an awesome post!

grace said...

this post is one for the ages. it's clever and hilarious--nicely done! clearly, this is my kind of spa. :)

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious! Nicely done. I love the "butter and cream massage"!

Stacey Snacks said...

One of my favorite posts of yours.
You are a very clever girl (ho!).

Jennifer said...

you are crazy! and I love it. It sounds so yummy I want to go to that spa!

me again said...

What a spa! But y'know, that poutine is perfectly legal in many other jurisdictions ;-)

Clumbsy Cookie said...

Can. Not. Stop. Laughing!
This is too much! Do you do stand up comedy? You should!

Anonymous said...

You are so amazing! That is the best idea - ever. Totally loving the butter and cream massage, I'd definitely go for that if I was a potato.

Good on you Krysta, you've set the bar in food writing so much higher!

Snooty Primadona said...

Mmmmm... I don't know which I want more. The potatoes or the kitchen. Okay fine. The Kitchen. But I love my potatoes just like that.

michael, claudia and sierra said...

i am not a potato freak
there, i said it


this post is an A+

Deeba PAB said...

I second that...yes, it's an A= post! Hilarious & very creative!

Deeba PAB said...

I meant A+...aaaaaaaargh!!

Anonymous said...

You know I loved it!

Anne Stesney said...

I'd like to book a stay for about a year.

You are indeed the Queen Ho, Krysta.

dlyn said...

This should be on the Ho-down hall of fame - maybe the whole internet hall of fame. A hoot, woman! And the recipe looks pretty good too.

Anonymous said...

Hysterical! Thanks for the smile today.

Eva said...

oh my god

you rock my socks

shellebee75 said...

I wanna be a potatHO!!!!!LOL great post!

Anonymous said...