9/3/08

That Boy Is Mine...

Dear Claudia,

Hi sweetie! How are you? I'm doing well but I have to admit I'm a little perturbed at you. I know we have had this discussion privately before but how many times do I need to remind you that Tony is mine? There I said it. I tried to keep quiet and be chill about this whole matter but to call me out on someone elses blog well, frankly my dear, that's the last straw! I mean I love your blog... it's funny, witty, you admit your mistakes, you get to eat at wonderful restaurants and hang out with some pretty cool people. You also have a damn fine palate but... but.. but... Tony is mine. I mean I don't know how much clearer I need to make it. Do we need to have some culinary cage death match or something?

My kids are prepared to have a cool step dad. Even my husband gives his blessing. I gave you Ripert, so really how greedy do you need to be? I gave you the crazy cool handsome French guy and then you try to steal my man? Why must you deprive me of my delusion that I am Tony's secret wife? How cruel ARE you? Why must you try to take him away? What's your motive? I need to warn you, if you keep this up I might have to kick your ass. I know you are the big bad food blogga and I'm a little man on the totem pole but never underestimate the short chick. Yeah, I'm a little runty and have a huge Napoleon complex but I'm like a chihuahua on steroids... mean and yappy. You will always need to look over your shoulder 'cause you never know when I'm about to strike... like a silent but deadly kitchen ninja! So back off!


Love and Kisses,

Krysta


P.S. I hope we can still be friends. xoxoxo


16 comments:

melissa said...

AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I prompted a cage match. Yessss!

*DYING*

Lisa said...

Too funny. I have yet to see a photo of Claudia. I'm sure she is hideous.

Lisa said...

Ok saw just went to her blog, saw her picture, she's pretty. Sorry Krysta, lol.

cook eat FRET said...

thanks lisa, i appreciate the comment but the truth is that i've probably got 15 years on ECM... but regardless - i am still 5 years younger than my tony.

BUT aside from any of that...

your claims of ownership do not phase me in the least. i'm a native ny'er, unencumbered by husbands or children. i am passport ready - ready being the keyword here.

PLUS i have 2 friends who know him quite well. so ECM, it's just a matter of time before he and i meet and he leaves his fabulous italian wife and baby for me, overlooking my aged inner thighs and ever loosening neck.

so, dream on my friend...

dream on.

oh and eric ripart? he's not even a close second. NOT EVEN !

FYI - bourdain has replaced james taylor, brian williams and jon stuart as the man i would follow to the ends of the universe...he is so very my kinda guy in every way. that bone photo slayed me ages ago. sealed the deal. he is MINE. you do not scare me ECM. you have no idea who you are dealing with. you may be younger and stronger but i've got years of experience on you girlie...

oh and could you please get that yappy thing under control? i have visions of shaking you off my leg.... think how demeaning that would look in front of my tony

Cheryl said...

You are damn funny, he is pretty hot, except for the smoking thing, which grosses me out. I will keep John Stewart, even tho he is about my size, LOL!

cook eat FRET said...

cheryl - since i am not worried about the competition i will tell you that my tony has quit cigarettes...

Sharon said...

Hahaha. We watched a Tony marathon last weekend and he makes me laugh like no other. Don't worry, I won't be entering this fight as well :)

melissa said...

i have visions of shaking you off my leg

Touche, C. ;)

Ah, how I adore you both.

Stacey Snacks said...

K.
I know someone who works with A.B., and I am going to forward this post to him.
Don't be surprised if your man shows up at your door w/ flowers....or better yet, the head of a yak!
Stacey

The Yummy Mummy said...

Face it ECM, when Claudia gets the call from Bourdain she'll only have to throw a Victoria Secrets bra into her evening bag and hop on the jet with him.

You on the other hand will have to get all your sous chefs through baggage at LAX. Not exactly sex at the ready.

Don't get me wrong I'm rooting for ya, but you have some obstacles to overcome.

Kim

Tom Aarons said...

Hah! Laugh out loud hilarious!!! :)

curiousfoodie said...

This is funny! hahahaha :P

MrOrph said...

I'd pay to see this play out!

Oh and Krysta, just put on you Carrie Ann Moss suit and run on the walls and ceilings.

My money's on Claudia though. The NY rearing is a pure advantage.

Sorry Krysta...

Kim said...

I am sorry as wonderful and evil as you are Krysta....and though I don't know Anthony. My money is also on Claudia- the packed back, being a New Yorker, she has a leg up on you. Besides, you don't want Anthony, as you would have to eat all this wierd food. Take Eric instead-the food will be much easier to digest.

Anonymous said...

it's stacey (ecm's sister)

if you ask my opinion, both of you have weird taste in men... he's a little scrawny for my taste

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