Raccoons {heart} Ice Cream

I have decided today I am not going to edit myself. I'm going to be the goofy ol' me that I try to hold back lest you think I'm craaazy. Which I am but I really try not to let that get out.

Let's talk about my raccoon problem. On Saturday night, I was woken up by a lot of noise coming from my backyard. I thought Michael Myers was coming and Rich wasn't home. So what do I go do? I get up to go see what in the hell is going on instead of hiding under my covers. I found a raccoon in my backyard thrashing about. Why? Umm, the raccoon had a ice cream container stuck on his head! He was staggering around the backyard trying to shake the ice cream container off his head. I thought a visual would be better, hence the sketch.

About a week ago Yummy Mummy posted a recipe for Malted Milk Ice Cream which she stole from Michael Ruhlman and David Lebovitz. Yummy Mummy has a sketchy moral compass but I love her like raccoons love ice cream. [meaning I just can't shake her off]

Malted Milk Ice Cream:
Makes about 1 1/2 quarts

1 cup half-and-half
3/4 cup sugar
2 cups heavy cream
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
2/3 cup malt powder
6 large egg yolks
2 cups malted milk balls, *coarsely chopped or smashed, see pictures below

Warm the half-and-half with the sugar in a medium saucepan. In a large bowl, whisk together the heavy cream, vanilla, and malt powder. Set a mesh strainer on top.In a separate bowl, whisk together the egg yolks. Slowly pour the warm mixture into the egg yolks, whisking constantly, then scrape the warmed egg yolks back into the saucepan.Stir the mixture constantly over medium heat with a wooden or heatproof plastic spatula, scraping the bottom as you stir, until the mixture thickens and coats the spatula. Pour the custard through the strainer and whisk it into the malted milk mixture. Stir until cool over an ice bath.Chill mixture thoroughly in the refrigerator, then freeze in your ice cream maker according to the manufacturer’s instructions. As you remove the ice cream from the machine, fold in the chopped malted milk balls.

weapon of choice... you can go with this or you can go with that... {right now when I think of that song, I think Palin or Obama}

chopping round balls with a knife doesn't work so well. they scurry away like things with balls do when a woman with a knife approaches them.

Momma Whopper was having an affair with the ice cream maker.

Papa Hammer found out and took his children hostage in a ziplock bag.

and committed Whopper-cide.

"Oh Noooooo! What have you done to my babies?" cried Momma Whopper.

"Ahhhhhhh! My babies! Ice cream maker, what are you doing? I thought you loved me!

"Oh woe is me! My babies are drowning. I think I'll try to save them!"

"It's okay, sweetieums. Momma Whopper is here."
"Nooooooooooooo! good bye cruel world."
this is what happens when i am sleep deprived.


_ts of [eatingclub] vancouver said...

All posts should be like this one! =D

The Yummy Mummy Cooks Gourmet said...

Your malted milk ice cream post is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than mine. You actually showed the malted milk ball weapon and threw in that crazy raccoon analogy.

God, I love you so much! You are, like, the best food blogger in the world as far as I'm concerned.

Okay, but "Whoppercide"?

xo Kim

Rayrena said...

OMG!!! My husband would love you! Whoppers are is favorite candy and malted ice cream is his favorite ice cream. Your recipes should get me a seriously nice Xmas present!

Antonio Tahhan said...

poor racoon, but I guess this means he has good taste :) That ice cream looks amazing!! And this blog is awesome!

Lisa said...

Whopper-cide, lol. Too funny.

KitchenKiki said...

Wheee that was fun!

Next time ya make it save me some. You can mail that right?

Kristin said...

But . . . no photo of raccoon with ice cream-container head? Sad.

Mental P Mama said...

Yum! I am so glad we are finished with that beet stage. This is wonderful;)

Grace said...

the mental image of that raccoon has made my day. thanks for sharing your escapades. :)

Cheryl said...

did you give the Racoon a hand and get the container off his wittle head? Looks scrumptious, I am about to buy an ice cream maker!

michelle @ TNS said...

it's the food blog zeitgeist - i was JUST thinking about making malted chocolate ice cream.

also, raccoon illustration = hilarious.

Anne Stesney said...

Best post ever. You should write under a lack of sleep more often. I know! Have another baby! That'll keep you up.

Great looking ice cream.

Papa Hammer is a jerk.

jack's utter lack of surprise said...

i love the sketch!

Jill said...

I agree, you should be sleep deprived more often, this was hilarious!!!


melissa said...

I try to hold back lest you think I'm craaazy. Which I am but I really try not to let that get out.

Oh puh-leeze. Hehehehe. I'm with ya on the crazy, but you know that by now.

but I love her like raccoons love ice cream. [meaning I just can't shake her off]

Yeah, me neither.

Nice ice cream. Nice job of speaking for inanimate objects. ;)

cook eat FRET said...

loved the knife/ball remark
very very funny

that icecream looks INSANELY AMAZING !!!

Rosie : ) said...

That looks so good! I never thought to make Whopper ice cream. :)

Dianne said...

Great work.

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