Injuries, Math Equations, Birthdays, Chocolate Glazed Chocolate Tart

Hi... Let me explain that first picture... it's not that I don't like you or that I'm personally telling you to eff off or anything. I just wanted to get your attention. Now that I do... I have a story for you, it involves birthdays, math, a cooking injury, and a chocolate glazed chocolate tart.

Tuesday was Rich's birthday. Wait! Don't leave happy birthday comments because he "doesn't" celebrate birthdays anymore. He's officially a grumpy old man. How boring. Since he doesn't celebrate birthdays anymore, I figure he doesn't deserve a birthday cake but because I'm nice and I know he loves chocolate more than his awesomely talented and accident prone wife, I made him a chocolate glazed chocolate tart with salted caramel sauce. This is where I went wrong.

I think that there is a culinary math equation we need to come up with. It should do something with the amount of dirty dishes is multiplied to the deliciousness of a dish. And if the dish is spectacularly great, well, that means there will be a couple of dishes that need a day or two of soaking and in my case.... an INJURY!

Have you ever heard that you need to be careful when you try to make caramel because caramel burns are particularly painful? Yeah, that's a lie. It fucking hurts more than the fire of a thousand suns and if someone said that I would have listened.

Holy shit, it hurt. It made me sweat bullets, then tear up, and then take so many drugs my husband cut me off. It hurt like hell for 6 hours and then went numb. The burn on my finger about the size of a dime and is white. Fun times, I tell you, fun fanfuckingtabulous times and no salted caramel sauce.

Chocolate-Glazed Chocolate Tart: (Gourmet September 2008)

For crust:
9 (5- by 21/4-inch) chocolate graham crackers (not chocolate-covered), finely ground (1 cup)
5 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1/4 cup sugar
For filling:
1 1/4 cups heavy cream
9 oz bittersweet chocolate (not more than 65% cacao if marked), chopped 2 large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon salt
For glaze
2 tablespoons heavy cream
1 3/4 oz bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
1 teaspoon light corn syrup
1 tablespoon warm water

a 9-inch round fluted tart pan (1 inch deep) with removable bottom
Make crust:
Preheat oven to 350°F with rack in middle. Stir together all ingredients and press evenly onto bottom and 3/4 inch up side of tart pan. Bake until firm, about 10 minutes. Cool on a rack 15 to 20 minutes.
Make filling:
Bring cream to a boil, then pour over chocolate in a bowl and let stand 5 minutes. Gently stir until smooth. Whisk together eggs, vanilla, and salt in another bowl, then stir into melted chocolate. Pour filling into cooled crust. Bake until filling is set about 3 inches from edge but center is still wobbly, 20 to 25 minutes. (Center will continue to set as tart cools.) Cool completely in pan on rack, about 1 hour.
Make glaze:
Bring cream to a boil and remove from heat. Stir in chocolate until smooth. Stir in corn syrup, then warm water. Pour glaze onto tart, then tilt and rotate tart so glaze coats top evenly. Let stand until glaze is set, about 1 hour.
excuse the crumbs but this was the last piece after the sous chefs got a hold of it
Tasting Notes: This tart was simple to make and tasted like chocolate heaven squared and the top glaze was glossy and shiny. I was so proud of myself because it looked sooooooo professional and then I tried to get fancy. Serves me right. I should have left well enough alone.

These are all my dirty dishes. Not pictured; a tart pan a wooden spoon covered in now hardened caramel and the pot the spoon is stuck in.


noble pig said...

The caramel burn...I've had three from making flan...it is the most hell I've ever been in...and I've repeated my pain because I can't learn! Arghhh.

Tart looks amazing.

Anonymous said...

I'll take your word on the caramel burn... I can't imagine how much that must have hurt... I hope you feel better soon!

That tart looked good!

Me! said...

that looks gorgeous. one question.... where's the recipe for the salted caramel sauce? and thanks for the warning... hopefully I will heed it and not burn myself too.

Cakespy said...

I'll take his birthday if I can have some of the cake! Hope he truly appreciated it after your work--and suffering! Hope you're feeling a bit better and less throbby!

Stacey Snacks said...

How the hell are you typing with your poor bandaged digit?
Now you can flip people the bird and have an excuse!
I never make caramel or flan anymore....but I will be making this beautiful choc tart.
Feel better and be careful!

Rayrena said...

Youch!!!! The tart looks great though. Haapy Unbirthday to your husband :)

Caroline said...

This post is exactly why I would pay good money to buy a chocolate tart! I would buy it from you if you sold them... I think you are the next Ina Garten....when's your cook book coming out?

Kristin said...

Yup, done it. Except I'm such a moron that I actually put the tip of my finger in the caramel ON PURPOSE to taste it because I had a moment of complete brain death. I have not done it since, however.

Rebecca (Foodie With Family) said...

I wasn't sure I was going to admit I'd done that once on purpose until I'd seen Kristin's comment. Yep. I also had a moment of complete brain death and have not repeated it since. I have however stuck my finger in boiling tomato sauce, simple syrup, and beef stew. Sigh. Maybe I should take up a life of crime because I'm pretty sure I've steamed, boiled, or burned off all my fingerprints by now.

Jack said...

The tart looks nice! I've experienced caramel burn. Culinary Napalm!!! The hurt is ten times worse than a bad cut. John Bobbit is just lucky his wife wasn't a chef!

Lisa said...

ooh,. glad you tried this, injuries and all. I wanted to make it but was kind of intimidated. Lisa

Sarah said...

I once made cherry heart-shaped lollipops with my mother, a process which involved a boiling pot of cherry-sugar glaze. We poured the glaze into the lollipop mould and-here's where I pause and gather my breath for a humiliatingly stupid admission-I tapped my index finger on it to make sure it was set. One second-degree burn later, I learned to take more care with molten sugar. Darwin forgave me and let me live, although I really believed my finger was going to fall off.

That tart is perfect just the way it is :)

Mama Goose said...

Ouch! But, Damn that tart looks good! I'll have to try that for my cake-hatin' husband's birthday.

GiGi said...

Great pics. I have beed burned by caramelized sugar, and that hurt like hell.

melissa said...

*Sound of sharp intake of breath between teeth.* OWWWWWW. OW. :(

I was going to chime in with empathy and it looks like everyone beat me to it. I guess we're all a bit stoopid from time to time!

Happy Birthday Rich, whether you like it or not! :)

lcsa99 said...

Awww poor finger. Though I do tned to think it's pretty funny when it's THAT finger people hurt ;)

At least your tart looks well .... WELL worth it.

Anne Stesney said...

Considering you've given birth FOUR times, I can only imagine how much pain caramel causes. It's enough to make me take my chocolate straight-up from now on.

katie said...

I would take a nice slice from the chef's knife over a burn any day! I hate burns. Not sure which I hate more though: dishes or mopping. Dishes or mopping? Ok, dishes. No, mopping. No, dishes. I'm wracked with indecision and guilt.

Mayberry Magpie said...

All I want out of life is to lick that spatula. Really.

Yet one more reason I wish you were my next door neighbor -- I would have slipped you another Lortab.

Lisa said...

Oh, so sorry! The trials one will go through in pursuit of Salted Caramel Sauce. I don't think you could have burned yourself on a more delicious sounding quest. Luckily that Chocolate Tart was a masterpiece in its own right!

www.potsandpins.com said...

The pictures are amazing...I love the one with the chocolate dripping off the bowl! Almost had me drooling...I've been out of town so it's good to be home and able to check in on "old friends" like you...you never fail to make me laugh - so thanks! Now I'm off to the store because the boy has eaten everything in the house and I only have corn meal left in the pantry! Nan

dlyn said...

That looks fabulous and I am so sorry you burned yourself - I hate cooking accidents because they ruin the eating, which is the best part of cooking isn't it? Hope it heals up quickly!

Cheryl said...

That looks so damn good! wow, I am impressed!

MGF said...

Love the picture of hte chocolate on the side of the bowl.

white on rice couple said...

One of the bad things about traveling is not being able to see what ECM is up to. Your opening picture was like a "welcome back" sign for us. Thanks!!

The first thing Todd said on our first day back was "gotta see what ECM is up to". But we were so SWAMPED at work and now finally got a chance to see ya.

Sorry to hear about the burn. I've had my fair share of those too!

Maris said...

Krysta - I think I gained five pounds just by LOOKING at that chocolate tart. I've had a recipe for flourless chocolate cake sitting in my recipe box for ages but I haven't tested it yet.

Mental P Mama said...

Lord have mercy.

Biz said...

Sorry about your injury! It reminded me of the time I decided that I can dice fresh jalapenos for my salsa - I made A LOT of salsa. Only to wake up to hands that felt like they were on fire. I had to sleep with bags of ice water on them all night!

And my husband had no sympathy, he thought I was making it up until I googled it the next day. Then I got kisses!

Not Afraid to Use It said...

The close up of the yellow bowl is frame-worthy!

Anonymous said...