My kids started school.... last week. July 29th to be exact.
I saw a two bumper stickers the first one said:
I respect my autistic child! (Of course you would. Why wouldn't you?)
The second said:
I support our old troops. (???)
On the radio I heard an ad for a sporting goods store. The store was offering personal defense classes but not in the way you would think. It went along the lines of this:
"Your 100 pound wife can't protect herself from a 220 pound gang banger intent on a home invasion robbery. It's your responsibility to protect your family. Sign her up for personal defense classes. " (The first thing that came to my mind was "umm, get your wife a gun if you're so damn worried about a gang banger." But then I remembered I am a female liberal. I can't ever think about owning a gun. My dad didn't raise me this way.* So I had to change my thinking. 'I don't need a stinkin' man!' was my next thought. Quickly followed by, 'who says gang banger anymore?')
Speaking of personal defense and commercials... I saw a commercial on MSNBC for a Bright Strike. It's a flashlight that has a blinding white light that when you shine it on your attacker he will run away because he's blinded by the light. Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night. You knew I had to go there. Anyways what got me were its biggest selling points:
"or the perfect gift idea for men to give the gift of personal safety to their loved ones."
"the pink holster" hmmm...perfect for any occasion
and the best one...
"can be easily used with women that have long fingernails." WTF? Even my husband groaned. It was that bad.
And speaking of women and politics... there is this guy, a very big conservative (I didn't know it at the time) who stands outside of Target with petitions to sign. One day I went shopping with Katie and when we left the store he asked if I wanted to sign his petition. I told him 'no, but thanks' and he came chasing after me yelling about how my daughter was going to die because I didn't know she had an abortion and she was going to have unprotected sex because it was so easy to get an abortion and my child was going to turn into a whore. He said all this in front of Katie and in front of Target. In the middle of the day! With a ton of people around! All because I didn't want to sign a petition. Yes, it was about parental notification but damn, seriously? In front of my kid? I didn't know if I should start yelling back, just to get this dude out of my face or if it was a bully tactic just to get me so embarrassed I had to sign just to shut him up? Needless to say, whatever your views are on this subject, what would you do if someone used this kind of tactic on you? Maybe next time I should get my trusty Bright Strike out of it's pink holster and blind him. Then open up a can of my secret-ninja-gang-banger defense whup ass on him.
*one time my dad and I were talking politics. I had a fairly Republican viewpoint on the matter we were discussing. I don't even remember what we were discussing but I do remember that he yelled, "I didn't raise you to be a Republican!" Lord, he was pissed off.
My dad is also the guy who took his grandsons plastic parachute men and cut off all the guns. To get my dad back, my best friend mailed my dad a beautiful nutcracker with the gun shattered in a million little tiny toothpick pieces.
This shit can only happen to me.