Next Time Take Me To See A Comedy...

Too many broken hearts have fallen in the river

Too many lonely souls have drifted out to sea

You lay your bets and then you pay the price

The things we do for love, the things we do for love

10 CC

When you love someone you make compromises. Hell, when you don't even love someone you make compromises just to keep the peace. Except for politicians, they don't do anything that even remotely looks like compromising because that would make them look too weak, liberal, conservative, or whatever. After many deals, threats, and bargaining Rich and I went to see The Strangers. You see I hate, no rewind and change that to...I detest scary movies. They give me serious nightmares. I'm thirty-four years old and I still get wake up gasping-sweating- screaming-can't go back to sleep-nightmares.

For example...Poltergeist, nightmares for months, they moved the headstones but not the bodies, what a bunch of dumb asses. Carrie, ugh. Psycho, umm... mom's in the room mummified, oh hell no. Texas Chainsaw Massacre... never seen it, never will. The Omen, the hounds of hell scared the crap out of me. Funny thing is that The Exorcist made me laugh, I didn't find it scary. Saw and Hostel don't count because that's torture porn. Torture porn isn't scary, it just hurts...and why would you get a thrill out of that?

So the deal was, yeah I'll go to the movies with Rich but...

1. We have to see it during the day.

2. Rich has to be home for five nights straight, no overtime, no working nights.

He agreed (while laughing at me) and we went to the movies. I never said I would watch it. I kept my eyes closed through most of the movie because I'm a chicken shit pussy. Once I saw the dude in the mask standing there watching Liv Tyler quietly, I was done! I really wanted to cry because I so worked up. The urge to walk out of the theater was really strong but I toughed it out (with my eyes squeezed tightly shut) because I know for the rest of my life I would never hear the end of it. At one point, the movie theatre was so quite I wanted to scream just to see if everybody else would scream, then I got the giggles thinking about it. So there I am in the movie looking like a crazy women curled up in a ball rocking back and forth in my seat with my eyes squeezed shut, giggling. It was really a sight to see.

And by the way, why do guys think that if they take a date to see a scary movie they are going to get laid? Hey Hon, it's so not happening. I stressed and scared, I don't want to cuddle or participate in foreplay. I want to runaway and hide and trust me, I know my vagina feels the same way. I know this for a fact. You want to get laid? Take me to see a comedy next time.


mindy said...

LOL! Thanks, Krysta. I actually LOOVe scary movies, though I share your disdain for what you've accurately termed "torture porn." (Did you make that up?) It's lame and creepy. I'm passing this post to my friend Coral, who refuses to join my hubby and I on our many horror movie excursions.

melissa said...

Damn, I am the same way!! I did a post on my personal blog about that back in November.


Yes, I'm being totally presumptuous that you'll go there and read it. ;)

But yeah, I feel ya.

Rebecca (Foodie With Family) said...

I HATE scary movies. I'm okay with suspense movies (like some of the old Hitchcock stuff... Not all of it, though.) but NO creepy, otherwordly, occulty, super scary stuff.

My husband persuaded me to watch Rosemary's Baby back when we were dating. He's VERY lucky I married him after that. Too spooky for me.

And I had to laugh at your reaction in the theater. My husband had a similar reaction when I made him go to the fabric store with me.

jack's utter lack of surprise said...

i love scary movies. i love getting super scared. like you i found the exorcist to be laugh worthy and a total let down. well, you didn't think it was a let down because you hate being scared.

real life scared though, like sleeping in an empty house, i hate. i think i like scary movies because it is a controllable fear, unlike the other.

lcsa99 said...

Awww poor ECM

I am another that looooooves horror movies. My mom is the same as you, she'll jump (throws the popcorn lol) and gets nightmares but she loves them anyways.

Next time a good one comes out send Rich my way and I'll watch it with him so you won't have to :)

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I haven't been able to see a proper scary movie since my first pregnancy. I don't know if I will ever be able to again.

noble pig said...

Oh poor hubby, next time he'll know better!

Leah said...

...like walkin' through the rain and the snow, and there's no where to go, and ya feel like a part of you is dyin'....

Ooooh, sing a long with Krysta, I love it! I always loved that song when I was growning up!

Anyway, back to the gyst of the post...I'm with you, I'm a big baby too. The only scary movie I can tolerate is The Shining, which I LOVE. But I get nightmares too so mostly I just avoid spooky movies altogether.

Your last paragraph made me laugh so hard....you are too funny.

asthmagirl said...

TOG took me to a scary movie when he was wooing me. (bad strategy) He told me it was okay to look (I'd spent 45 minutes on the floor). I looked up and saw "the monster" rip the "innocent bystanders" head off. OFF. Squirting neck... the whole thing. That sealed the deal. No. Take me to a comedy or take me for suspense... I can do suspense. But not scare the crap out of me horror.

Where's my spuds?

Grace said...

"there I am in the movie looking like a crazy women curled up in a ball rocking back and forth in my seat with my eyes squeezed shut, giggling."

oh, how i laugh. i do the same thing (usually without the giggling), but i like to have some sort of defense. you see, i hold up a pillow or my purse or coat to my face to ward off the scariness of whatever i'm watching. apparently, if most of my face is covered, i'm protected. :)

Lisa said...

There is one movie that totally creeps me out and scared the hell outta me.....Fire in the Sky. I still get all freaked out just thinking about it. I'm with you....make me laugh, don't give me nightmares.

Kristin said...

No. Just no. No scary movies, no depressing movies, no movies that are in any way fucked-up. This limits me to mostly romantic comedies and straight-up action movies, and I am totally okay with that. Luckily, my husband can't stand to sit through movies of any kind, so I don't have this problem with him.

Debbie said...

I hate these movies ... and I hate that the commercials on television show so much too.

And I hate even giving the thought to anyone else of "because you were home."

Mary Beth said...

I couldn't wait for the movie to come out so they'd stop showing the commericials. And I'm with Debbie - the scariest part of them was the girl saying "because you were home." Ehh!

I get such bad nightmares, I have friends/family members preview movies if I'm the least bit worried. I saw the first 10 minutes of Nightmare on Elm Street - slept with my light on for a month!

Meg said...

I feel ya. I am with ya. And next time, we can go see a comedy.

I am one of those fortunate women who lets her boyfriend use her as an excuse to NOT see horror movies. You see, he doesn't like them either, which is GREAT 'cause I would rather rip my tongue out and dance on it than see a horror movie. Reading your description of your reaction actually made me tense up thinking about it.

phillygirl64 said...

Amen! If you want me to maintain any degree of...., don't even think about taking me to a scary movie!

Sarah said...

Seeing scary movies in a theater is even worse than watching them at home. At home, you can at least pause and catch your breath! I saw The Devil's Advocate when it came out a few years ago and had nightmares for weeks, I'm not kidding!

Mayberry Magpie said...

HATE HATE HATE HATE scary movies. Don't watch them. Won't watch them. In my late teens and early 20's I read The Shining and Red Dragon. Lost a helluva lot of sleep over those two. Now I don't even read scary books.

I want happiness. Love. Sex. Not scary, not torture porn. Not sure what it says about us -- this new breed of scary movies, but I think it's bad. I say don't do it.

Mayberry Magpie

giz said...

Nope...not me...ain't goin' there - I won't sleep for nights...I abhore scary movies and I end up scaring everyone around me just jumping out of my seat.

Anonymous said...

it's stacey....
i freakin love scary movies... i hella want to see the strangers, but can't cause babysitters are hard to find... i had no idea you were such a baby! haha love ya

Rayrena said...

Totally with you, I hate having those images floating around in my brain. I'm one of those people who will ruminate and dissect images and activities that I've experienced during the day.

That's hilarious about men... it's a wonder that our population continues to grow despite how poorly men understand the female sex drive.

freefun0616 said...