Warning: NSFW. This post contain language that is not at all appropriate and sexual innuendo that is definitely not appropriate to a food blog. You were warned!

Anybody who has a food blog or likes to eat for that matter has a problem. Food can make you, well, a little chubby, if you're not careful. Some food lovers go to extreme lengths to stay pretty or sexy or to stay a skinny bitch. Mental P Mama is upping her water content and exercising and stay away from her !gasp!, cocktail corner! Kim's (Yummy Mummy) hubby is on some weird fake ass tortilla and tofu diet. I still can't wrap my head around it, it has to do with people who like potatoes are puffy?! Potato Ho's, we need to unite our puffy selves and stage an intervention! How dare he call US puffy! Claudia (Cook Eat FRET) traveled from Tennessee to LaLa Land to do some serious detox, like raw food type detox. It makes my head hurt to even think about it. I would be a bitch on wheels were my exact words in her comment section. She told me (later, off line) it's that she wants to, wait for it.....


Ladies, isn't that what we all want? Admit it. It's not that you want to lose that extra 15 pounds, it's that you want to maintain a degree of fuckability. My new mantra in life...MADOF.

Then I went to make some rocky road ice cream because even though I don't really care for ice cream, this is Rich's favorite and even if I was 1023 pounds, smelled like sweaty monkey balls, and had a hairy nipples, if I served this naked, I would maintain a degree of fuckability. (Kids... if you are reading this. Well, you won't be anymore because your retinas should have been scalded for life after reading this.)

Eight little ingredients for MADOF!

Rocky Road Ice Cream:

1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder ( I used Ghirardelli)
1 cup of sugar
2 cups milk
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 cups whipping cream
1 ounce semi sweet chocolate, coarsely grated
2 cups miniature marshmallows
1/2 chopped almonds, pecans, or walnuts

In a large saucepan, mix cocoa powder and sugar. Gradually stir in milk. Stir over low heat until sugar and cocoa dissolve. Stir in vanilla, salt, and whipping cream. Chill. Stir in grated chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts into liquid mixture. Freeze in ice cream maker according to manufacturer's directions. Makes 2 quarts.

*Tasting notes: This was a hit! But really what ice cream isn't, except for beet ice cream. Cough, cough.

"This is the best ice cream you have ever made." one critic said.

I wouldn't know because I was busy... wink, wink.

Random Fact of The Day: Did you know June 2nd is National Rocky Road Day?

Kim, remember that David is doing this weird ass diet for you, so you will desire him and procreate if that little sous chef of yours gets off your hairy nipple!


ntsc the art of the pig said...


Rebecca (Foodie With Family) said...

I always thought men found Bingo wings desirable.

Who knew?

If the man doesn't like the potato glow I don't like the man!

Anonymous said...

That was almost eloquent!
*wipes tear from eye*

The only flaw in your MADOF theory is that first and foremost, I want to fit in the clothes I have. No buying bigger pants. It is for this reason I have given up cookies.

Offerings to The Old Goat...? He wouldn't care if I were a size bazillion (well... maybe if I were huge) but his main concern in his diet is that "He can't eat that shit" because he has high cholesterol. Thus if I came at him with a dish of this ice cream, he'd accuse me of trying to kill him. If I came at him with a mug of ale, I might appear more F-able.

noble pig said...

Oh lordy, lord, lord.

I'm all with keeping the puffy..all about it!

jennyonthespot said...

Holy crap! That was friggin' awesome.

melissa said...

I;m with asthmagirl, I just can't afford to buy new clothes.

MADOF. Hahaha. Priceless.

I'm sure the sous chefs are freakin scarred for life after the mental images you just put in their heads. *Pointing and laughing at them*

jack's utter lack of surprise said...

i'll be the first to admit that i'm really not all that concerned with my weight but any concerns i do have are wholly related to the rampant vanity i pretend not to have.

MrOrph said...

so when a girl walks in
with an itty-bitty waist
and a round thing in your face
u get sprung!!!

wanna pull up tough!
'cause u noticed that butt was stuffed!

Yo yo! Potato ho's for life!

Now das whus up!

Great Post Krysta!!!!

Lisa said...

I totally need to start integrating 'Potato Hos' into more conversations.

Peabody said...

LOL...lucky for me my hubby likes women with padding so I can eat and MADOF.

Mayberry Magpie said...

MADOF is my new credo. It's all I need, really.

My plan must be working. Read tomorrow's post for the evidence.

Mayberry Magpie

Laura said...

MADOFing right there with you lady!

Christi said...

Coffee came out my nose when I figured out what MADOF was.

Very nice.

The Yummy Mummy said...

OMG! You had us hysterical this morning!!

Here's what my husband said when I read him your post - "You know, I mention a small thing (about the puffiness) in passing, and might I mention, to you in private, and the next thing you know it's on the Drudge Report."

Thanks for totally freakin' out my husband. This is his father's day gift.


Mental P Mama said...

I think I'll just stick with puffy.

lcsa99 said...

LOL MADOF. I love it. That really is how us women live our lives.

Why can't more men MADOF? Or at least give us a little credit for trying :)

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

Standing and Applauding


Grace said...

i completely disregarded your NSFW warning and was rewarded with a lot of weird looks when i began to laugh hysterically. too bad i couldn't explain it to them--i work with a lot of guys and they just wouldn't understand...

the grocery fiend said...

I love MADOF!!! I'm going to spread the acronym like wildfire now.

www.potsandpins.com said...

I couldn't have said it better myself...brilliant post! I can't even imagine what it would take to NOT MADOF...I don't think anything really...the mister will be dead for 6 months before "it" stops working! Seriously, not even a plague of boils...or ebola...or ME being dead for 6 months - nothing would stop "it"...if the world ended tomorrow there would still be cockroaches and the mister's unit!

White On Rice Couple said...

Whoa! Increasing my "....degree of F**********" by losing a few pounds? Forget it! My man can take a hike if he ain't liking some extra poundage on me!
I'll make this RR ice cream, rub it all over my body and that will certainly increase my degree of F********** for sure! :D

Anonymous said...

I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. That was the most hilarious thing I've read all month. Perhaps all year.

If only my grandmother didn't regularly read my site, I would totally link this... Well, maybe I will anyway. ;)

Neen said...

I'm forwarding this post to Do. This is really ECM at her best. :) I'm giggling uncontrollably.

cakeflower said...


Anonymous said...



Katie said...

hahahaha food blogs don't usually make me laugh. love it - i've changed all my weight loss goals to serving more foods naked.