The Tale Of The Creepy Baseball Coach

The Man, Rich, wanted me to post this picture because this is what he thought I was going to do to creepy baseball coach. Me, being Nolan Ryan not Robin Ventura. Is it sick that I love this picture? I think I love what happens after the fight was done. Nolan Ryan dusted himself off, buttoned the top button of his jersey with nary a scratch on him. Like Steve McQueen. Totally bad ass and cool as cucumber.

The Pioneer Women has her Black Heels To Tractor Wheels Love Story, I have a demented creepy Stephen King story. This story has been pieced together from trusted sources and actual phone conversations.

Let me give you the cast of characters:

Coach M: Boys Baseball Coach for 3 seasons

Coach H: The new permanently-ex coach.

Art: Northern Little League President

Me: mom and all around hard head and general pain in the ass.

Rich "The Man": ahh...what to say about my husband. He's all Clint Eastwood like, talks really quite when he's mad. My knight in shining armor. He's intimidating. Stand about 6 feet tall but looks taller.

Bully Son: Drew has been having problems with this kid for years. Hiding all of Drew things. Pushing him around, name calling, pushing and shoving. Typical bully stuff. I didn't contact the school until this year.br

Drew: 12 years old
110 pounds
Bats: Left /Throws:Right
outfielder/1st base/pitcher
.250 batting average

Will: 11 years old
61 pounds soaking wet with clothes on
Bats: Right/ Throws: Right
second base/third base
.300 batting average
3 time all-star

If you read the stats you want Will. If you go by looks you want Drew. Right?

In mid-January I went to sign up the boys. Filled out all the proper paper work, requested Coach M as the boys coach, and talked to Art about baseball, my sons and how they play in the same age group (important info) and how much the league has changed this season.

Flash to the first weekend of March. Baseball tryouts. I sign both of my boys in (pay attention to that little fact). Coach H shows up late.

Second weekend of March: Baseball tryouts again. My sons don't have to be there. I know I will be getting a call from Coach M Sunday. Coach M and Coach H have some words.

Sunday the Ninth, sure enough the phone rings at 9:00 am. It's Coach M.

"Hey Mrs. G. It's Coach M. I've got good news and bad news."

"Hey Coach! How are you?

"I'm not feeling too well. The good news is Will is on the team. The bad news is Drew was drafted by the other team."

"How'd that happen?"

Coach M explains to me that Drew was Coach H's first round draft pick and that he didn't want to give him up. Coach M tried to explain to Coach H that Drew and Will were brothers and it would create a hardship for us. Coach H said he didn't care. * I love my son but he isn't that great of a baseball player, he's good but not worth all this fuss.

I asked Coach if the bully son was playing for the other team and we all know the answer to this question. Then Coach M told me what I need to do. Call Art and explain what was going on, how it would be a hardship, the bully son and see if Art would trade him to Coach M's team.

Called Art and all I got was a bunch of grunts and yeahs and a click. I guess that conversation was over. Mind you I was not getting hysterical. I'm calmly and logically trying to explain to him what's going on. But this league is a bunch of hard core macho Mexicans. They discourage girls from playing baseball, Title IX be damned. We will not get started on that. It could be a whole other rant.

On Tuesday the 11th, I received a phone call from Coach H asking me why Drew missed practice. I told him I never received a phone call and I got, "of course I called you. I talked to someone older on Sunday."

Lie #1:no one was home on Sunday. No messages on the machine and no calls from any number on caller ID.

I calmly explained to Coach H that this would be a hardship for my family, my son's would miss games....yada, yada, yada. Brace yourself for what comes next.

Right now, WTF is running through my head because A: that's totally random and B: I don't even know you. You really think I'm going to let you come get my son? I know I complain about them and white on rice is going to adopt all of them but please that's just talk.

"I'm used to taking kids who's parents can't take them." Coach H said.

"Well, I'm glad you think that's the case but I'm a stay at home mom and I like to see all my kids games." You effen bastard is what I'd like to add.

"I don't care. Andrew is not going to the other team." Coach H tells me.

I decide to use the other tactic about the other team mate, bully son, and Drew don't get along. How that's not good for any baseball team. How principals and counselors have been involved this year. If they couldn't help this problem I don't think a baseball coach could.

"Well, I'm not an ordinary baseball coach. I'm a youth pastor and a youth counselor."

You condescending prick!

"I don't think that's going to help. I really don't want Drew on the team."

"He's not going to Coach M's team. I given him five players and made all these sacrifices to him." Ah-ha! He's pissed at Coach M. This has nothing to me, this has to do with how big his dick is and how much territory he needs to piss on.

"Okay, I guess this is between you, Coach M and Art. But he won't be playing for your team." See, I got a bigger dick than him and don't piss on my territory because you're messing with my family. Yes, this now became about me and how hard headed I can be. Yes, I know this is completely stupid.

The phone conversation promtly ended after that. I threw the phone I was so ticked off. Now it's getting ugly.

Thursday the 13th: Coach M, Coach H and Art are going to meet to discuss the situation. Coach H cancels the meeting.

Friday Pie Day: I get a call from Coach M. Coach H wants to take this to the District 8 Little League Board. I apparently didn't fill out a form stating I wanted the Drew and Will to play together. WTF? I have never had to fill out a form like that before. There's a form?!

Saturday the 15th: Practice for both teams. Drew is home sick. I'm sure stressed out about all of this. Poor Guy. My husband, the genius, sends me off to get Starbucks.

While I'm gone, he goes and talks to Coach H and Art. Apparently Coach H had to hear me nag for thirty minutes about bully son and he talked to the principal of Bully Son and Andrew and there are no problems.

Lie #2 and 3. The phone conversation was maybe 15 minutes and you can't just go call a school and get information on students. That doesn't happen. Thank God I was gone, I would have gone ballistic.

"If it's only a hardship then I'll trade him Coach M's team." Coach H told my husband. "Because there's no bullying as far as I can tell." Then there was something about being a youth pastor and bullying isn't a reason to be traded and he can help. Which is it; he can help with the bullying or there's no bullying? Make up your mind!

My husband won't tell me the rest.

The two things I learned:

1. There's still a long way for women to go.

2. Unless bullying has happened to someone near and dear to you, no one gives a shit. It's something to be dismissed. It's boys being boys. I use to think the same way until this happened to Drew.

The one thing that was reinforced:

People who talk a big talk about God are not very God like and they normally are very dismissive of women. Case in point.


JPENG said...

What an asshole! I would have cussed someone out..but that's why I'm going to be just like Evil Chef Mom when I grow up and talk like a grown up ^.^ I HATE being discriminated against b/c I'm a female. And I run a business in a tiny Texas town that can't even accept the fact that a woman can own and run a business.

noble pig said...

What the hell!!!!!Are you kidding? What is wrong with these people??!! You soooooo sound like me. I'm glad my son'e baseball trade went smoother...it's not even worth it. Good god, go have a drink or some chocolate.

Asthmagirl said...

Some folks ought to be mounted on wheels.... they have so much misery, they cannot get from one place to the next fast enough to dispense it all. They act like it has an expiration date and has to be emitted quickly and thickly!

Maybe he's not getting any... you know...

Anonymous said...

He was about two steps away from patting your heard and calling you a little woman, huh? MAN!

I just got frustrated enough reading that post to make a fist.


Glad your husband interceded before you hurt anyone. Although a nice punch might've been nice...

She who said...

Your'e right I'm pissed. I so.... love the people that spout off on religion and don't live it.

And, you are all right. There is so much more that needs to be done for the ole little woman complex that many men seem to have.

Ya shoulda seen what it was like to be in the military, in a non-traditional job, 30 some years ago.

Not pretty.

That said, an done. YOU GO GIRL!!!

jack's utter lack of surprise said...

re: bullying

that's why i think reading cat's eye by margaret atwood is so important - especially for teenage girls. it's all about the twisted psychological bullying that girls do. my mom taught for 25 years before reading cat's eye and was shocked to read it, she had no idea that was what girls were like. unless it's happened to you or someone you love, you often don't understand or properly perceive it.

Who Are The Goops? said...

Well told my dear....I think I could feel the bad vibe all the way from Santa Cruz. If I had been home I would have put a few shots in your Starbucks.

melissa said...

just read this. f*#&in a.

bullying is a soapbox issue for me. it is one of the worst things that a kid can go through, in any form. I'm sorry drew has to experience that.

and I wouldn't have been calm, even from the beginning. I'm glad you/your husband were able to get it resolved in some fashion, but the whole thing stinks to high heaven.

and what you said about people who talk big about god? yeah. >=(

Anonymous said...