Dear Mr. New Already Ex Baseball Coach,
I'm not sure about what part of my first letter you didn't understand.
MY SON WILL NOT BE PLAYING FOR YOUR TEAM!!!! Isn't that clear enough. I don't care if you are a youth pastor/counselor and have a van. Frankly I'm quite scared that you mentioned those three things in one sentence. Now I want some people I know to do a background check on your freaky ass. You don't care what I think, hmmm that's interesting? Dude, you are fucking with the wrong lady. They don't call me Evil Chef Mom for nothing. Have you looked at this banner? I'm carrying a knife with blood on it and to top it all off, I have devil horns and a tail. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Sharpening my knives in anticipation of speaking to you again,